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PERIODS. FILMS

@periodsfilms / periodsfilms.tumblr.com

Smart Comedy for people like you.
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LIL WOMEN: SERIES
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March Sister Madness! The sisters are back and each one has something totes important to share with you. Just don't tell the others. Topics range from shawl haulz to Suff-RAGE, Amy's new bodice to Beth's symptoms, the real civil war and maternal jail, to a full smokey-eye tutorial and a new recipe for low carb muffins (the secret is saw dust!) Featuring: Grace Helbig, Mary Grill, Julie Ann Dulude, & Anna Martemucci Created by Victor Quinaz & Anna Martemucci.
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Do you get your PERIODS? Are you shocked that I asked you about your menstruation cycle? I didn’t. I’m talking about the web series PERIODS. Voted #15 on Time Out NY’s list of top 50 funniest web series, I have to say, it’s one of my very favorites so I agree. “Each episode of Periods takes characters from a touchstone work of literature (Ethan Frome, say), or a historical clique (Pilgrims, for instance) and fills their mouths with elliptical, modern speech. More than tossing in some likes and ums, though, the Periods crew’s attention to detail is unsurpassed: The costumes, sets and performances are all stellar, and each episode has its own genre spoof tucked away in it—the girls of Little Women get catty via vlogs; Adam and Eve are on a reality show with God (“Hiii, I’m Eve, I’m 24, and I’m from Adam’s rib”).” -Time Out

  PERIODS is created by Victor Quinaz, Anna Martemucci and the entire PERIODS crew. “Wait”, you say, “how can one web series be created by so many people?” I’m glad you asked, and I treasure our conversations, you’re my special angels. Each episode is outlined with bullet points and as the lovely Anna Martemucci put it, written in the edit. The actors improvise each scene and do so beautifully. The melding of these period pieces along with the modern jargen will make one laugh out loud, unless that is you are my mother. I sent her the web series and she didn’t quite get why the Pilgrims were speaking in such a manner, butthat is what makes humor subjective.

  Mothers of the world, fear not! The periods crew has made a movie that is a little more mainstream and will be sure to make anyone laugh and maybe even cry as it is called BREAKUP AT A WEDDING and honestly, I cry at those without anyone getting their heart broken. So here-is-what. You have to peep their YouTube page and subscribe so you don’t miss out when they drop new episodes. Also, check them out on Facebook so you can find out where, when and how to see their movie. Please (and imagine me holding your hand and looking into your eyes as I say this) trust me when I tell you how funny these people are and how much better your days are going to be when you start getting your PERIODS. I love you.

Source: facebook.com
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You're Invited to BREAKUP AT A WEDDING with PERIODS. Films and Oscilloscope Labs

It's Official! Oscilloscope Laboratories and PERIODS. Films are getting married (or are they?) and their having a BREAKUP AT A WEDDING. You're all invited June 18th on VOD and all Digital Platforms (iTunes, Amazon) as well a special theatrical release. Here's the official announcement:

  April 24, 2013—Oscilloscope Laboratories announced today that it has acquired North American rights to Victor Quinaz’s debut feature, BREAKUP AT A WEDDING.  A co-production of Zachary Quinto, Corey Moosa, and Neal Dodson’s Before The Door Pictures (MARGIN CALL, upcoming Cannes entry ALL IS LOST) and Anonymous Content (ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND, WINTER’S BONE), the film will be released on June 18th across all cable VOD and digital platforms, with select event screenings and a college tour leading up to the release

Seen through the lens of an ambitious wedding videographer (played by the director, Victor Quinaz), BREAKUP AT A WEDDING gives us the nuptials of Alison Jones (Alison Fyhrie) and Phil Havemeyer (Philip Quinaz, the director’s real-life younger brother) in all of its sprawling, messy, and often wildly inebriated glory.  On the eve of their wedding, Alison gets cold feet and decides to break up with her fiancé Phil. But rather than face the embarrassment of calling off the ceremony, Alison suggests to Phil that they proceed with a sham wedding. Phil is more than game to try, secretly hoping that a surprise gift he has for Alison will ultimately change her mind.

BREAKUP AT A WEDDING was written and directed by Victor Quinaz. His then fiancé/now wife Anna Martemucci along with his brother Phillip Quinaz co- wrote the script and all three also appear in the cast of the ensemble feature. Quinaz and Martemucci said “We're thrilled to be associated with a company we’ve long admired. Also honored that BREAKUP AT A WEDDING will have the distinction of being the Oscilloscope movie with the highest number of on-screen chocolate fountains.”

O-Scope’s David Laub and Dan Berger said, “BREAKUP AT A WEDDING perfectly captures the insanity surrounding most weddings and then amplifies it to the absurd and hysterical, yet somehow always manages to be both poignant and relatable.  Victor and Anna are wonderfully talented and creative filmmakers and we're delighted to be dipping into their chocolate fountain.”

Producer Zachary Quinto, further added, “Victor and Anna are innovative, articulate, and passionate about their ambitions, both creatively and professionally, and we are honored to bring their work to a larger audience”

BREAKUP AT A WEDDING is a PERIODS. film, directed by Victor Quinaz and written by Anna Martemucci, Victor Quinaz and Philip Quinaz. The film was a co-production with Scott Robinson’s Robinson Films, Inc. Quinaz and Martemucci are repped by United Talent Agency and Anonymous Content.

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Erin, Go Put On a Bragh!: The True Meaning of St. Paddy’s Day

A rock is being rolled in front of our apartment door to seal us in until first light tomorrow morning. We’ve got enough lo Mein and cold pizza slices to last till then and worse comes to worst the shitty Thai place on the corner has started delivering again since their Mexican delivery guy recovered from being electrocuted on his electric bike making spring roll runs during Hurricane Sandy.

Every year we learn the hard way: 

    “Kiss Me I’m Irish!” is the kiss of death in New York City. An ethnic slogan so bloated with green beer and impromptu massaging you’d think you were the featured attraction in a petting zoo. They city turns green with potato-famine envy and the gutters flow hot pink with potato skinz and jalapeño poppers; the puke of a million people pretending to be Irish.

Guinness has the slogan “Everyone’s Irish on March 17th.” Well, that’s simply not true. The true Irish Americans of America who quietly put down a liter of Jameson everyday without calling attention to themselves are horrified by the vampire bite their holiday has turned into. (I can make that joke because I’m Black Irish.)

You don’t see Goya advertising that everyone is Ricky Martin on April 13th, Puerto Rican Day. Those La Vida Loca moves had to be earned through generations of discipline and concurrent genetic evolution of the hip bone.

No other religious holiday offers cultural amnesty either. Imagine hordes of coeds and frat boys wearing peyos and getting smashed on Manischewitz during Passover week, guilting each other into sex and leaving one chair empty at the table just in case of a three-way.

Ireland isn’t even green for more than 3 months out of the year. The rest of the time it’s grey and brown and most everything can be stepped in.

The flogging of Molly must stop.

We as Americans need to grasp the true meaning of St. Paddy’s Day (the true spelling of the abbreviation.)

First off, St. Padraig wasn’t even Irish. He became Irish when he was kidnapped from his posh life in England and taken to the west coast of Ireland, a real post-apocalyptic pagan shithole at the time. I’m sure somewhere there was a pretty young red-headed lass with green eyes and bare-feet running about the rolling hills. But for the most part it was a rapey place where people had dirty necks and you could smell their wounds.

St. Patricius was made a slave, getting more than a bird’s-eye view of some of that next level cave man shit that was going on. (Like he probably saw someone have sex with a corpse. Imagine actually seeing someone have sex with a corpse!) So he escapes back to England and eventually he is contacted by God, the one and only. God tells him he has to go back to Ireland and start converting people into Christians.

Newly minted as a bishop, St. Qatrikias returns to Ireland and basically Christianises the entire country; which was probably not very hard to do because who doesn’t want medicine and a clean neck. His slogan was “Everyone’s Irish in Ireland” and he was sponsored by a popular stout beer at the time. He eventually died and was canonized by the the Catholic Church and Jameson Whisky in the 17th century.

A number of popular myths and legends follow St. Patricia to this day. For instance, the shamrock, a three-leafed plant commonly associated and printed on green football jerseys around his feast, was thought to have been used by the bishop to help illustrate the holy trinity. Not true. The shamrock was actually a type of local music that St. Paddy enjoyed listening to. Many have described it as a mix of folk and dark gothic synths.

Another popular misconception: St. Padrig rid Ireland of all its snakes, chasing them into the ocean. Again simply not true. This error seems to occur in the translation of the story from the original Celtic. The true translation describes St. Paddy as “stark raving drunk and without pants, he wiggled his ‘snake’ in the town-folks’ faces and said ‘no one’s larger in the county.’” Many accounts place him near the ocean at the time however never having actually driven anything or anyone to it.

The lessons of St. Paddy are clear.

So how did this religious feast celebrating a man who converted an entire nation of pagans into Christians turn into a day in which everyone wears green and claims to be Irish? I blame the corporations and Ben Affleck movies.

If poverty, struggle, and a tense shifting sense of nation didn’t look so goddamn appealing maybe the people of America would finally stop and realize the sham-rock they’re actually celebrating.

But at least stop barfing on the sidewalk in front of our building.

  post by Victor Quinaz who is 1/8th Irish on his mother’s mother’s side.

Follow him on Twitter @VictorQuinaz

(Latin: Patricius; Proto-Irish: *Qatrikias;[2] Modern Irish: Pádraig;[3] Welsh: Padrig;[4] c. 387 – 17 March c. 460[5] or c. 492[6])

#st patricks day#irish#ireland#periods films#comedy#erin go bragh#victor quinaz#essay
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10 Ways to Improve The Glass Menagerie

We saw our old pal @ZacharyQuinto’s play The Glass Menagerie by Tennessee Williams at A.R.T. in Boston this weekend. Despite it being the finest production we’ve ever seen we also had some notes that we think will strengthen the play and perhaps make it a timeless classic.

  10 Ways to Improve The Glass Menagerie

  1. Why Glass? Why not steel or a bicarbonate polymer plastic. It’s literally stronger.

2. In the play our narrator Tom recalls his claustrophobic upbringing in St. Louis by his former-glory southern belle mother, Amanda, and his sweet but gimpy sister. Why not add a live-in manny from Brooklyn named Tony and his young daughter Samantha who makes funny comments throughout the play and tells the characters to “cool out” and “chillax”? Tony could also have been second basemen for the St. Louis Cardinals (people love sports references in their plays!)

Despite what it looks like the play is not about a four headed creature in ‘crew black.’

3. In the play Tom is constantly saying he is off to the ‘movies.’ Why not call a spade a spade and have him admit he’s going down to the bear bar Rawhide on the corner to meet his pals and try on leather and funny accents?

4. Tom’s gimp sister, Laura, has a limp. Why not 2 limps? (This is Tony caliber ‘choosing’ right here)

5. The play is wonderfully staged and takes place in a small apartment in St. Louis across the street from a 1930′s dancehall and is only accessible through the fire escape. Two words: Fireman’s Pole.

6. MORE Ke$ha songs!!!

7. Consider giving the whole family limps.

Tenesse Williams: a real man’s man.

8. Amanda, the put upon matriarch fallen from high southern society and abandoned by her philandering husband who works for the telephone company but fell in love with long blah blah, perhaps she could be more believably southern. A beer coozy perhaps? Bellybutton ring and tramp stamp? Or maybe she could ride a Rascal™ in on her entrances and exits.

9. Now that I think of it diabetes is not mentioned enough if at all!!

10. And finally, when you think you’ve added too much Ke$ha music remember you can never add too much Ke$ha music. (Make the audience dance!)

On a whole we found the performances engaging and wonderfully realized. The writing, by a gentleman named Tennessee Williams, was robust and neato. We also can’t help applaud a playwright whose own name codes his work. Mr. William’s work revels in southern tropes and characters so he call himself Tennessee. We can only hope that fellow playwrights like Aaron Sorkin and Woody Allen will follow suit. How much easier to decide between a night of Shoutywhite Sorkin or Brooklyn Jew Allen?

post by Victor Quinaz

Follow him on Twitter @VictorQuinaz

#zachary quinto#period#films#periods#tenesse williams#the glass menagerie#quinaz
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Caleb and Aron were identical twins. Identical in every way but one...

PERIODS. presents EAST OF EDEN feat. Penn Badgley

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1789. French Revolution. Two peasants aren't gonna let them eat cake.

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