“He suplexed you??” Despite the sudden pitch in the fifth seat’s voice, there was nothing in his tone to indicate any sense of shame or embarrassment in the way his partner had acted. If anything, he sounded even more interested in the topic now than he had ten seconds prior, both finely arched brows tugging towards his hairline in an obvious display of gossipy curiousness. “What did you do to him??”

     “Listen, lieutenant,” despite the use of the other’s proper rank, the sharpness with which the fifth seat spoke the word belied any real sense of respect for the blond’s position. “I honestly couldn’t care what some shinigami from a rich family likes to think about this division to make himself feel better, but Ikkaku is not the sort of person to act unprovoked. You did something, and whatever it is, maybe next time you won’t do it and end up in a third wall.” 

     “Well that’s your fault then. Why didn’t you learn not to do what you did last time he did that?” Honestly. 

     “You talk like Kusajishi fukutaichou isn’t a kid, Renji.” Yes, okay, sure, perhaps that wasn’t explicitly what the redhead was getting at ( in fact Yumichika knew for a fact it wasn’t, but evasion was a particularly good skill of his, and one he used quite often without even really needing it ) but the alternative- the idea of he and Ikkaku having a child of their own- was something he wouldn’t even honestly consider. They weren’t exactly the most nurturing shinigami in the Gotei ( previous experience with their lieutenant aside ) and they weren’t exactly in the best position to think about such an outlandish thing either. Them, parents? The third and fifth seats of the most violent division known second only to the Twelfth as the division with the highest turnover for mortality reasons?? Ridiculous. And besides, they weren’t even parental people anyway! Soul King only knew he had his limits when it came to children. 

     “Why are you even asking these sorts of things? You haven’t gotten someone pregnant, have you?”

     Perhaps it was the less than subtle creation of space between them, or perhaps it was the flattery ( it was probably the flattery ) but the lieutenant’s words brought about a slight shift in the fifth seat’s haughty demeanor, violet eyes flitting over to silently judge the man before seemingly deeming the words of praise payment enough for something half resembling civility. 

     ( he still took another drink before opting to reply though- he didn’t even really know what it was about the other that irked him so; perhaps it was his dumb lost puppy look, perhaps it was that shocking array of tattoos on his face, perhaps it was the secret he held, perhaps he just didn’t like him, but whatever it was, it was prominent enough that even this sad attempt at a conversation between colleagues had the flighty shinigami’s metaphorical feathers ruffled )

     “Yes, well, someone has to keep track of everything around here.”  

     “They know better than to make a mess in my area.” Came the steely reply from the fifth seat, voice sharp as he took a swig from his sake that was, perhaps, far larger than need be. Yes, the idiots had a horrible habit of brawling in the mud, as Hisagi was oh so kind to remind him, but at least even the stupidest of their morons had enough survival instincts about them to not bring that behaviour ( or the aforementioned mud ) into the office that Yumichika had long since claimed as his own.

     “What business is it of yours, though?”