rawblade glasstooth girl. with your hot rage, never saw a woman run so many directions at once. one night, you shined so bright the police came to watch. your bruises and shirt-shreds. how we all just stood there, watching you shimmer. afraid to flinch, for a faceful of claw. you are some kind of firework. flipswitch blues. broken sundays spent towing the boulders out of you. the brooklyn 3am’s, frenzied as an upturned autobahn. your porchlamp laughter. the clack and sweep and throb. the buttered slick of you. your sweat-bead banshee pitch. mother warned me. said your sugar was a ruse. bait. ( as if madness is calculated. ) you are the cruelest kind of lover. a coward. afraid of the thing most dazzling. you remember this girl—when she was with you, you were more alive than you have ever been. say, SHE IS ME. SHE IS ME.
at the end of the day, YOU were the one lying in the dark with yourself, thinking of all the things you’ve done. you were left with either the accomplishment or the guilt. it was yours.
the smile is nothing but a GHOST, but it’s still there. elsa understands, in her quiet way. she TRIED. it had to be enough.
“Everybody here wanted something more.”
“I could dance to this beat.”
“Like any great love, it keeps you guessing.”
“Like any true love, it drives you crazy.”
“But you know you wouldn’t change anything.”
“I could show you incredible things.”
“I’m dying to see how this one ends.”
“I can make the bad guys good for a weekend.”
“So it’s gonna be forever or it’s gonna go down in flames.”
“We’ll take this way too far.”
“You’re the King, baby, I’m your Queen.”
“I can make all the tables turn.”
“‘Cause, darling, I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream.”
“They’ll tell you I’m insane.”
“Don’t say I didn’t say, I didn’t warn ya.”
“It all seems so simple.”
“The rest of the world was black and white.”
“We were built to fall apart.”
“People like you always want back the love they gave away.”
“And people like me wanna believe you when you say you’ve changed.”
“All you had to do was stay.”
“I’ve been picking up the pieces of the mess you made.”
“Did you have to hit me, where I’m weak?”
“I wish you would come back.”
“I wish you knew that I’ll never forget you as long as I live.”
“I want you for worse or for better.”
“And you left her all alone, and never told her why.”
“I thought heaven can’t help me now.”
“I never dreamed of this.”
“I can hear them whisper as we pass by.”
“Love’s a fragile little flame, it could burn out.”
“They are the hunters, we are the foxes.”
“Let them say what they want, we won’t hear it.”
“Loose lips sink ships all the damn time.”
“I know places we won’t be found.”
“And they’ll be chasing their tails tryin’ to track us down.”
“I’m spinning out of control.”
“Didn’t they tell us don’t rush into things?”
”Didn’t it all seem new and exciting?”
“And we pretended it could last forever.”
“But there were strangers watching.”
“I reached for you but you were gone.”
“We play dumb but we know exactly what we’re doing.”
“I could build a castle out of all the bricks they threw at me.”
“But every night with us is like a dream.”
“We need love, but all we want is danger.”
“He keeps the picture of you in his office downtown.”
“And by morning gone was any trace of you.”
“Just because you’re clean don’t mean you don’t miss it.”
“Everyone ends up alone.”
“Stay close to me.”
“We need to get away.”
“This is all for you.”
“How could you be so heartless?”
“There’s gotta be another way out.”
“I’ve tried forever getting out on my own.”
“I don’t wanna fight alone anymore.”
“I never thought you would really go.”
“I was being such a fool.”
“But I can’t live without you.”
“If I wanted to leave I would have left by now.”
“Don’t let me down.”
“And now I’m feeling stupid.”
“I’ll only stay with you one more night.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Can’t take it no more.”
“I used to pretend that I felt okay.”
“I’ve failed you again.”
“God knows that I tried…”
“I was dreaming for so long.”
“You are the piece of me I wish I didn’t need.”
“If our love’s insanity, why are you my clarity?”
“We both know how this ends.”
“This is not what I do.”
“Is that alright?”
“Am I even human?”
“I’m a mess.”
“At least I’ve always been myself.”
“No one knows my heart.”
“I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“There is something that you need to let me know.”
“Be honest please.”
“Say you’ll stay.”
“I’ll look after you.”
“I wasn’t looking for this.”
“Here’s my number.”
“Where do you think you’re going, baby?”
“I missed you so bad.”
“You see?”
“Come on let’s go and play!”
“Be my baby.”
“Don’t you ever say I just walked away.”
“I will always want you.”
“I never meant to start a war.”
“I just wanted you to let me in.”
“I guess I should’ve let you win.”
“You make me crazy from happiness.”
“You’re my prince from the fairy tale.”
“Where do I go if you leave?”
“I was afraid you don’t care about me.”
“I can’t forget you.”
“I’m your destiny.”
“You are like frost.”
“We just have to wait until the next life.”
“We need to talk.”
“Where did I go wrong?”
“I lost a friend.”
“If I don’t say this now I will surely break.”
“I’m losing my control.”
“What’s mine is yours to leave or take.”
“You’ve begun to feel like home.”
“If that’s what you want…”
“But I’m only human!”
“I bleed…”
“I can do it!”
“Don’t let them in.”
“Let it go.”
“We only have each other.“
“Okay, can I just, say something crazy?”
“We are meant to be.”
something about this rings SERIOUS, rings danger. this was a path for skilled travelers, ones with set destinations. hinrik had a getaway car, and elsa was good at slamming doors. there was no PLAN, no direction. they held hands in the dark and still couldn’t share a bed without someone complaining and bumped noses when they kissed.
HURT was never supposed to be a factor. after all, if they were NOTHING, how could it hurt? but elsa is lying to herself, knows the ache she feels ALREADY, when his mouth turns sweeter and his hands softer. the problem is, it already hurts.
but he wasn’t supposed to bring it up. it implied he didn’t want to hurt her, would care if he did. implied he wanted to be something that–––they weren’t. not OUT LOUD. courage was fickle. it was quiet. not yet, not yet.
but he opens his mouth, counteracts with right now, right now.
it leaves her with trembling kneecaps, wrists clinking like silverware as fingers knot into her hair, nervous. I DON’T BELIEVE YOU sits heavy on her tongue, weighs her body down like an anchor. I DON’T BELIEVE YOU.
that’s how these always play out, doesn’t he see? elsa was meant to be alone.
he catches her hands before they do anymore damage to knotty hair, untangles her fingers and waits.
she has nothing to say. i don’t want to hurt you is the closes she could give, because there’s no such thing as fairytales. he’ll HURT HER. she’ll hurt him. but she doesn’t want to. isn’t that enough? it’s not. but she’s trying. does this hurt him, right now?
instead, she places intertwined palms over her waist, kisses him until his cheeks are flushed, eyelids heavy. he has nothing to say, either. uses his hands instead.
also can phillip braid elsa's hair he's v good at it
it doesn’t take much to convince her, truly. her locks have not been plaited for a few nights in a row–––flaxen strands falling bothersome over her cheeks, tickling the hollows of her clavicle.
❛ be swift with it.
body turns to face away from him, sinking to her knees. there is a moment where NOTHING HAPPENS, and elsa is about to whip around and reprimand him for making her the fool in his foolishness––––
but hands find hair, gentle and sure. for a moment, she’s a child again :: before her parents feared her, and her mother would braid her nearly white strands before bed, so in the morning, they’d look like white waves, like mounds of snow.
for a moment, she’s left thinking about HOW LONG it’s been since someone has willingly touched her. FEAR, perhaps, does that to people. most who know don’t even like LOOKING directly at her, as if simply meeting her icy blues was enough to stop them cold.
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