MAYA RUDOLPH 91st Annual Academy Awards | February 24, 2019

funny how girls use the term “ugly laugh” to refer to what is actually the cutest most endearing sound that has ever come out of their mouths

me: is fine being single, understands i am still capable of love, is in no rush, doesn’t like relationships that much

stupid brain:

bella rollin up the the cullens house knowing full well her blood smells damn near irresistible but risking it all for a chance at finally getting dicked down by the weird boy from bio

I have, darkness inside me… that darkness is, called acid reflux and heartburn

Wait this versions better

plap plap plap plap So… chunks, huh? plap plap plap plap

i dont have a favorite music genre. i just like songs that sound good. i have no specific taste,, if it slaps it slaps.

i’m losing my mind

bert was always my favorite muppet as a kid and TBH I stand by this as an adult. 

anyways its been like four days and I have yet to stop laughing even slightly less at ‘OH GROOVE WITH ME BABY’ (THUNK THUNK THUNK) so 

im starting to suspect bert and ernie sketches were just the basis of my sense of humor

Girls get made fun of for everything might as well do what you want lol

not to be dramatic but this mentality literally freed me

nothing tumblr could post on r/ambien will ever be as funny as this:

genie: you have 3 wishes what’s will be the first

me: i wish for jenna marbles’ dogs to be immortal

genie: that’s a pretty cool wish  you still have 3 that one was on me