omg so yesterday i put a salt line on the pathway to our front door because i was fucking around and my brother was pretending to be a demon

and today we ordered pizza and the salt line was still there

and my brother went outside to sign for the pizza

and the pizzaman refused to step over the salt line, like he almost did and then he backed up and handed my bro the pizza and left; which is pretty ridiculous because it’s far from our door

so a heads up to everyone i’m pretty sure domino’s is actually run by demons??? kind of like how in men in black the post office is run by aliens

demono

((”Not just pizza”))

((”but eternal damnation”))

Alternate theory: It wasn’t that the pizza guy couldn’t cross the line of salt himself.

He just saw the line of salt and assumed that it was the only thing keeping you and your brother in, and he didn’t want nothing to do with your demon asses

Alternate alternate theory: pizza man is a slug.

my friends and I were just talking about shakespeare we’ve done and I suddenly remembered the time I was in a show and my costar was supposed to stab me to death but one night she forgot the knife somehow and I noticed right away and I assumed she would just pantomime a small blade that perhaps her hand could conceal because you know.

that would have been the reasonable choice. but instead she clearly panicked and then she decided sans weapon she would simply have to strangle me to death

so she starts strangling me, which, for the record, stage combat is a pretty precise art which leaves very little room for improv strangulation

but now she’s strangling me, and I’m being strangled, and this is a whole thing now because I’m thinking to myself, well, how long do you get strangled for?

I don’t want to undersell my strangling but I don’t want to be unrealistic.

So I think well, how long can I hold my breath? I consider actually holding my breath as a measure for how long this strangulation should go but the issue is she isn’t very good at fake strangling. And by that I mean, the acting is terrific, but there is a fair bit of real strangling happening. So I think, no, I’d better keep all the oxygen I’ve got.

Meanwhile she is really putting her heart and soul into this. She looks more feral than she ever has stabbing me.

I think, huh, maybe she should strangle me every night. Then I think, what a gay thought to have.

Then I think, well, I’ve been thinking about being strangled for some time now. It’s probably time for me to die.

But then I have a new problem, how do you stop being strangled?

For the record, I’ve been fighting desperately for my life this entire time, something we also haven’t rehearsed, which is why she’s pushing back a little too hard into the strangling.

Then I think, she is way too small to strangle me. The audience can probably see that. The stabbing really needs to do the heavy lifting here because this woman could not possibly actually strangle me.

Then I think, okay, I really need to die now. So I die. The lights eventually go down and I crawl off stage and the stage manager is waiting in the wing to kill us both because the strangling apparently looked extremely dangerous and scary.

True, but it would be unfair for her to kill me because you see, I’ve just been strangled to death

"most allegedly haunted houses turn out to have gas leaks!"

no they don't. you are merely skimming the surface of mundane shit that can be wrong with old houses with your one puny little explanation that only fits a very small number of cases. try harder

They should bring back paranormal home inspectors because it is fascinating the amount of spooky happenings they resolved with one surveyor and his clipboard

not surprising AT ALL

as I said in the tags, I believe in ghosts! wholeheartedly! I believe I've had weird experiences that can't be explained any other way!

but

I work with/in old buildings professionally

they are the most temperamental, bizarre beasts you can ever imagine. the number of things that can make strange sounds, drafts, smells, or even motion in an old building are insane. like yeah, maybe you saw a ghost! or maybe you had a gas leak!

but to assume it must be one of those two things is to ignore the vast smorgasbord of Obnoxious Stuff Old Houses Do

Tell me more about the Obnoxious Stuff Old Houses Do.

[cracks knuckles]

now like I said, things I can't explain away have happened to me. "I heard the staff door open and close, complete with motion sensor ding, and footsteps moving around the room it leads into- and also my coworker heard it too, from a completely different area of the house -but nobody was there and there are no other exits from that space" can hardly be chalked up to dust in that sensor

but a LOT of weirdness can

[Tell us more about weird stuff and old houses.]

Can we get a big round of applause to one of the most iconic characters of all time? He’s been through so many muppet antics and I think it’s time for some appreciation

You’re doing great, Kermit. Jim would be so proud :)

THIS FROG IS 69 YEARS OLD

I’m sorry if this is how you found out

So glad this got a Destiel edit

Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope dir. George Lucas | 1977

okay a couple ppl in the reblogs pointed out that in the last gif luke is questioning if ben ever used this on him and I think that’s a great way to go but i’m proposing what if instead this is the moment luke realizes that all the times he somehow miraculously talked himself out of getting beaten up by whatever tatooine thug had it out for him that week had nothing to do with his natural charms and much more to do with the fact that he can apparently control minds

When I was in college, round about 2002 or so, I did a paper on hate groups that necessitated a couple of visits to Stormfront, a white supremacist website and message board. One of the pages on the site was a "children's page" operated by the child of Storrmfront's founder, which was a unique form of horrifying. But I also remember looking at a photo of the kid on the site and thinking, that poor fuckin' kid, what kind of chance did he ever have?

But it was just a paper and that was just a photo of a child I didn't know, so I turned in the paper and graduated and got on with life.

In 2016, @archwrites posted a link to an article by the Washington Post titled "The White Flight of Derek Black" (sorry about the paywall, Arch's post quotes some relevant parts here). I thought it looked like an interesting read: it was about a white supremacist named Derek Black and a group of campus activists at the school Black eventually attended, who set out to see if they could change his mind about race with radical kindness. In large part because of their work, Black eventually renounced white supremacy and became an antiracist.

And then I hit a photo in the article and gasped, because I recognized it. I'd seen the same photo on the Stormfront children's website. The kid I'd seen and pitied was grown up and had gotten out. Immensely satisfying to see.

But it was just a news story about someone I didn't even know, so I posted about how pleased I was to see it, and I got on with life again.

This morning, I woke to the news (sorry, it's the Daily Fail) that R. Derek Black, now 35, has just published a memoir, The Klansman's Son: My Journey from White Nationalism to Antiracism. And in the epilogue, they come out as trans.

I can't imagine better news I could have heard about them -- that they're out, they're thriving, and they're embracing themself.

Congratulations, kid. It's a great new photo.

[ID: A recent photograph of R. Derek Black, with long curly red hair, wearing a floral collared shirt and a red cardigan, smiling for the camera.]

hope you don't mind but I found the Post article extremely good, so here's a gift link for anyone who wishes to read it in full.

Oh I don't mind at all -- that's actually great, thank you! Reblogging so people can access the article through the link.

Paying 5 yuan for hot gossip

English added by me :)

I love the integrity of paying her more he did not expect the motherlode but he was NOT about to lose it

yall NEED to know the currency conversion means he's handing her 69 cents (USD) at a time

Childhood can be scary.

A collection of some of my hand-drawn horror looping animations!

I never realised that Dracula was fucking with Jonathan Harker from the very second they met. The driving in circles to make it seem like Jonathan was so far away from everyone and everything? The wolves obv, but the way it's all so terrible and scary that Jonathan thinks he might have dreamed it all? "the dead travel fast" the woman in the coach said but Dracula made a point of reaching his destination as slowly as possible, while going fast.

Thank you @re-dracula , i read this novel twice before but only now am I really scared

Dracula feels like this morning’s physical assault, smashing of the mirror and being vaguely obsessive about blood is water under the bridge by noon; time to wax poetically about his homeland to his capri sun good friend Jonathan

Sham Sacrifice

(Hi it's time for my favorite headcanon)

...

Vlad Masters sat firm and proper on the Fenton Family couch, legs crossed, teacup pinched in his fingertips, fighting subtly against the sinkhole that came with the mistake of taking Jack’s usual spot on the couch. He appeared with all the same charm and delightfulness of an ant swarm rearranging your picnic.

Danny stood at the doorway, just-still-in-the-kitchen, just not inviting himself to join the adults in the living room where Jack boomed and rambled and Vlad sat so stiff and polite and nice that his tea in his hands was going cold.

“Oh, Danny you’ll love this story—Danny, you should join us—Danny this was, what, summer of ’84? When was that heatwave, Vladdy? The one where you—”

“There’s no need to bore Daniel with the mad ravings of two old kooks, Jack. Kids would rather be off at the mall or—some store, surely. No need to stick around Daniel on my behalf. I assure you I won’t be offended if you leave.”

“No worries, V-man. I’m good right here. I love hearing Dad’s stories." Danny met Vlad's challenge, speaking with more poisonous courtesy than Vlad had proffered first. "In fact I think he should tell a few more, if he’s got more in mind.”

“In fact I do have more in mind—” Jack answered.

Neither Danny nor Vlad were listening to Jack. They held eye-contact, Danny with a stern unblinkingness of a sheepdog on duty. A lot was said without words. A lot was understood when Vlad decided to visit through the front door. Vlad only used the front door when he wanted something.

And it was never good when Vlad wanted something.

fuck everyone who has ever tried to make me feel guilty about the amount of sugar in FRUIT

#if you are worried about the sugar content OF FRUIT#what you have is an eating disorder#keeping the tags#bc yes#that's orthorexia babes!

First you procrastinate on the task because it is not a big enough deal to get done urgently. Then you procrastinate on the task because it has become such a big deal that doing it is overwhelming. You would think that this implies a middle point where it is just big enough of a deal to get done easily, however the inherent perversity of the universe's causal geometry prevents this

Credit

Dracula Daily Year 1: Aww, our good friend Jonathan is poor little meow meow.

Dracula Daily Year 2: Our good friend Jonathan is in a legit horror story, and I have literary analysis to share.

Dracula Daily Year 3: We have created a metanarrative wherein not only is our good friend Jonathan in a legit horror story, but he is also cursed to live in a horrifying time loop until we stop doing this.

Reminder.

no my day is 16 Yellow circle everyday