Saying you child is your “kid” is an insult to goats everywhere.

I’ll insult moms everywhere. Fight me Pam.

Fuck you, Barbara 

You want to do this now, Helen?

Oh it is on Brenda

Eight o clock after the PTA meeting, Joan

Uhm, my kids will be going to bed at 8, Sandy, because unlike SOME mothers I put my children to bed at a responsible time!

Don’t you bring my kids into this, Janet

You’re right Sandy, we shouldn’t bring your C- average kids into this. We should, however, bring your 2013 Honda Odyssey that reeks of failure and cigarettes from your midnight affairs with the mail man.

At least I have a man touching me, unlike SOMEONE I know. When was the last time Frank so much as looked at you, Jackie?

C-Carol, you’ve gone t-t-too far!

NONE OF YOU ARE INVITED TO THE CASSEROLE POTLUCK! That includes you, Cynthia…

God this is magical

i wish u clear skin and happiness

Ashton’s speech (x)

media these days lets children see people murdering other people and getting blown up in explosions and stabbing and shooting and blood and death but god forbid a titty out

i loved halsey with pink hair

Halsey photographed by Timothy Boyer 

+

a cool concept for sounds live feels live (for Invisible): put calum in the middle of the stage with an acoustic guitar in his hands, the boys sitting next to him singing softly the vocals in the background, the lighting would gradually fading out throughout the performance, at the end of the song the whole stage turns into dark

The worst thing ever just happened to me 

?? what happened 

I stepped on a super crunchy looking leaf and it didn’t even make a crunch noise 

me whenever i have a cold: i can’t remember the last time i could breathe out of my left nostril…it must have been 14 years ago when i was a child on the farm..life was simpler back then….. i remember the sound of the creek over by that big rock.. when papa came home from the town bearing fresh yeast for ma to make bread with, i breathed in the crisp fall air through both nostrils before heading into the kitchen, where i could smell all of our spices 

2 types of friendship

or

I do face painting and sometimes I get the most unusual requests. Today a kid no older than 4 asked for a white blood cell.

Other favourite requests were a fireplace, baby jesus and the USB port symbol

They are doing such a good job.

omg…thank you for your service….

me @ every dog in the universe 

John Feldmann discussing the track Airplanes in Fuse’s Sounds Good Feels Good Track-by-Track discussion with John Feldmann, Zakk Cervini and Matt Pauling (via hotdamn5sos)

Reblog if you’re asexual, bisexual, demisexual, pansexual, homosexual, bigender, agender, transgender, or just really like fall out boy.

he’s schwimming