Poems for my brother

Man.

You constructed self from mother. Opposite compliment moving towards something other than she. Made self into man by staring in the mirror notice chisled jaw. Straight teeth. Remembered uncles hair, football teams and legs meant for running.

I see yourself in the mirror. Crooked smile. Straighter teeth.  Never had a cavity. Digs deep into enamel chipped away crusts. Cavity. My mouth feels empty when your name falls out. There are men in my life who piece you together. Man. Made boy. Like eve, you come from body, our mother. Brother. Made absent father. Made man. Made cavity. Reigned empty.

I see yourself in the mirror. Crooked smile chisled jaw. Remember braided hair, straight back. I see yourself in parts of my body. Look for you in my hands. The wayy hair curls like yours wavy. Black. Man. Brother turned father made absent. Reigned empty.

I see yourself in the mirror. Jawline. Point and peaked lip. The puckered smear across to be red. Red. Red. perfection. Outlined. Pinned. Defined. Notice the way my eyes are the same shades of green. Freckled face.

You constructed self of emptied father. Drained. Needle and spoon emptied self into bottom after bottom after bottomed out.

Gone

Is this what you felt when you left.

Which time felt right

Always remembered what it was to be

Just

Y

O

U

Alone. Self. Alone. Home. Alone. Alone. Alone.

Where did you find home?

How long did it take to notice difference in

Home

And

Self. Alone.

What was it like when you came

Home. 

Did it feel different? Did you lose yourself

Again

Stolen. Taken. Held

Captive.

Where do you find home?

Was it in the countryside of foreign lands? When just self and sun rose tilted and turned. Churning self from wound and survival. Smooth. Easy. Patience. Diligent. Self churned from survival. Rich and decadent self. Come

Home.