Sorry for this

Apologize for the wall of text but Idrk how to use the read more function and typing this all out really made me feel better and I spent 2 hours doing it so I figured id post it Are humans meant to explore altered states? A question that plagued my mind the summer of 2015. The fun began on that previous Easter when I first tried LSD, psycho-candy, a ticket to ride; there are many more names I can give for it. It was the reason for a generational movement, and boy was it worthy of such. everything made sense and I felt that all was right in the universe, I didn't have to understand it, someone or something did. I drifted endlessly in my basement for hours spinning out to the sounds of tycho as the neon distorted fighters of a dreamcast game casted reflections on my wall. I was in heaven, I reached nirvana, I felt god or the lack thereof(which I will never know for sure) and he assured me that this was okay, And that I was brave and courageous to delve into my mind like Alice through her looking glass. But this was just the start and while this time I was in heaven my last trip would be to hell. 2 and a half months passed and I tried a various pharmacopeia of uppers, downers and spinners, and had a blast doing so. Unfortunately I became cocky and in doing so ignored all the warning and advice I had received from friends, the internet and dealers. I took roughly 30mg of 4-aco-dmt. I will never be sure the exact dosage but I estimate it was in that range. I was in a small room with people I didn't trust, tripping on a much higher dose than I realized. This would've been fine had they not been tripping as well. The least experienced one began hitting me because he thought I was sleeping when my eyes were closed. This brought me into a startling new world that was very different from the one I closed my eyes in, this one was covered in a pink fog where rainbows spun and divided in my peripheral vision but would run if I turned to look at them. The normally white wall was covered in hieroglyphs of what looked to be Mayan origin. The normally cartoonish lizards and birds painted on the walls began to blink and move around the wall. I moved my hand to pick up my phone to check the time and as I did I saw my hand split into 5 different equally real images of my hand moving. I check the time, 1 am. It had been about an hour. 5 hours left I told myself and tried to close my eyes again and began to watch a girl carry a mason jar around her backyard and hold up the jar to the sunlight and make everything tunnel outward. "This is what I've been chasing all summer." The proverbial dragon would soon be chasing me. I was rustled from my peace once more when there came a knock on my friend's bedroom door. It was his sister and I had a different friend's car keys. I tried to remember who I was and how to move and I grabbed my keys and gave them to her, now I was starting to lose it. I check the time 1:15am. Time was passing but slowly. We turned on an album I had never heard before but my friend played with the volume so much that I became extremely upset, he wouldn't stop, I told him just to leave it like it was but he didn't listen. I began to feel the bed and pillow getting damp from the amount of sweat pouring down my face. I could feel my heart beating in the walls and knew I was about to have a bad time. I was afraid to check my phone at this point, worried that time hadn't passed in the eternity that seemed to have passed. Then I checked it, 1:17am, the last hour had only been two minutes. Soon the door swung open and I was greeted by my friend bringing back my keys I pleaded to him to stay, trying to hide the fear in my voice and he said no. This was the final straw. I waited till he had left the room and I announced "I'm kind of freaking out right now, I'm having a bad trip I think." The other two attacked me. I now know they were trying to hug me to make me feel better but I have never been comfortable with human contact if I'm not initiating it. I wanted to scream. I stood up and said I'm going to the bathroom and I managed to walk down the hall and pee fighting my legs that wanted to give out. I wAs beginning to peak and knew that this room wasn't a safe environment. I needed someone to talk me down so I called my girlfriend and talked to her in nonsense. I begged her to look up time frame of shrooms(what I was told these magic tootsie rolls were ahead of time) but not to tell me if the peak came after an hour and a half, I then begged her not to do what I just said because I wouldn't be able to tell if she was lying and then I wouldn't trust her. I told her to be quiet while her and I walked to the living room to cool off and get away from the other two trippers trying to take my phone from out of my hands. I was in a dark room surrounded by catholic statuettes. I was just as scared. I walked to their kitchen and drank water from the tap and then I heard it. As loud as possible at 2 am the other two began screaming, I hallucinated flashlights shining into the window and the sounds of my friend's mother yelling his name, then slapping noises and crying. I was unable to tell what were hallucinations and what weren't. I was the one crying. The flashlights were real and was the other two going outside for a walk and one screamed. His mother came downstairs and asked who screamed, she didn't seem surprised to see me and didn't wait for my answer, she walked away and I took my seat back on the couch. 2:10. The night was still getting going. After a while I started staring at the clock trying to manipulate the human construct that was time, no luck. What used to be comforting about tripping was the scariest part now, I didn't understand what was real and what wasn't, I wasn't sure I ever knew what was real. My girlfriend no longer had an image. I had an obscured and distorted picture of the two of us as my phone background but that wasn't Emily. Emily is the voice in my head that isn't a part of this world. I could tell time better now by listening to the space between her words, unfortunately it didn't help. Around 3:30 I was greeted by an awful sight. The light flipped on and out came my friend now shirtless. I asked where our friend was and he said he ran away when his sister woke up and that it was funny. He began to make non sequiturs and then the other tripper appears and my heart sank. I got up and walked outside. They followed me. I ran and they followed. I darted behind the chicken coop and waited till they passed. I took a moment to catch my breath and decided a plan to get all the paraphernalia and "necessities" from the house. A term which translated in my head to car keys, vitamin water and chewing gum. I told my girlfriend in the bravest voice I could muster that I was going to hang up, and if I wasn't back in a normal amount of time that she should call. I tried to convince her I would be okay but I was only trying to convince myself. I pressed end call, 3 hours, it was almost 4:30. I could still make it. I darted to the door, pranced up the steps shoved "real Colin's" things in his bag. Picked up the keys and clutched them for dear life while I ran as fast as I could back to my car. I got in, I turned it on and I locked the doors. I turned up my music a bit and plugged in my phone. Making one more check of my belongings, then i decided to call back my girlfriend and tell her how much I loved her. This was the first time I was able to remember what she looked like, but I was far from being back to normal. I continued to hope the 6 hour mark would be the end and when that came and I still hadn't had any change I began to hope for the 8 hour mark to be the end. At 8 hours the visuals were still very strong and I was just as emotionally wrecked as I had been. the sun had rose and my girlfriend had gone back to sleep. I texted everyone who had the same drug as me and warned them about the potency. I called my friend who had done it separate from me a few hours before and he loved it. I then decided to do the worst thing I've ever done. I drove home. About a 20 minute drive, early in the morning, I saw only a few cars but I had no concept of distance, what speed I was going and what was really coming down the street. At the time for all I knew I was already in hell and dying was no longer a possibility. I drove home but sat in my yard about 20 minutes before getting out of the car. I had to wake up my mom to get inside. "I forgot my sleep pills so I was up all night." She bought it. I ate a banana, browsed reddit, had coffee which I had craved all night long and still I couldn't shake the visuals. At noon I began searching for someone to cover my shift from 4pm to 8pm that night because I was not able to work In that condition. I tried to sleep for a few hours but I was too afraid of what I was seeing when I closed my eyes. At 3:45 I drove to work, much less impaired now but also tired. I pulled my direct managers(they were My friends outside of work and have tripped a lot themselves) To the side and explained I overdosed on a psychedelic and I am still tripping. They let me wash dishes for the 4 hours and because I was able to keep up with that they were okay with it. I was beginning to go blind. The hallucinations became more and more intense as I became tired to the point where I only had a small view of reality through the center of my vision and even then I was distracted by the pink black and rainbow checkerboard painted into my peripheral visionsx. I drove home after work and took an extra sleep pill than normal and tried to sleep from the time I got home. When I would close my eyes my hallucinations were too bright to sleep. I finally fought through them and drifted off around midnight. I had tripped for a full 24 hours. I met god on Easter and on June 28th I met the devil. I was now broken. Anytime I smoked weed I would start vividly hallucinating and begin to have extreme panic attacks. Then it became any time I would start To fall asleep my hppd would rear up and I'd begin to panic. thinking about the universe, or any abstract concept began to make me have panic attacks. Now even looking to closely at the image of human causes me existential crises. It will be 6 months next week since I had my own 12th labour and I'm waiting for the effects to stop. Just like I waited for the 6 hour mark to come and bring an end to the effects. I'm sure when 6 months passes I will hope for 8 months like I ha changed my plan to the 8 hour mark and so on. Reality is a trip and time is just another fractal, I don't know if I'll ever be okay again, I use substances to validate the harsh paranoia I feel about reality. My point in all of this is firstly as a form of self therapy since I've avoided talking about it with anyone at all so far and second to hopefully remind people that no matter how comfortable you think you are with psychedelics, you can't overcome a bad setting and should always be safe. Merry Christmas everyone

having existential crises in your american history class

had a nearly disastrous trip on 4-aco-dmt last night. my girlfriend talked me though the 7 hour ordeal. I love her so much