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ϟ The Girl Living a Thousand Lives ϟ

@acciowintershield / acciowintershield.tumblr.com

Czy | NimbusRiver75 | 999 | INFP | Hogwarts Ravenclaw | Sorcerer | Glader | Elf | Second Officer | District 7 | Khaleesi | Asgardian | Narnian | Demigod ♥
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Loki sits upon the throne, determined, alone.

The Watcher: What are you doing?

Loki: Protecting the multiverse. I wove the strands.

The Watcher: Yes.

Loki:

The Watcher:

Loki: What?

The Watcher: Well, it looks like it's finished.

Loki: But I have to remain alone, guarding it.

The Watcher: Who said that?

Loki: I guess... I did?

The Watcher: Hm. How very Loki of you. Guard it from what? There's nothing out here. He Who Remains can't reach what you have created.

Loki: I don't know!

A pause.

Loki: Well, what do you suggest I do???

The Watcher: Anything you want.

Loki: Oh.

The throne sits empty, with a card that reads: Out To Lunch.

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The more despair I endure in life, the more I love Frodo. I'm just. I'm so glad that Tolkien wrote him like that. He was a hero and it broke him. He was given too much to carry. The circumstances were dire, everyone was doing the best they could, and Frodo tried so hard, for such a good cause, and he...broke. And the narrative has pity for him, the characters show him kindness. Even after victory, his hurts did not heal, and it isn't considered his fault. He must go to the undying lands, to seek out peace there. In universe, he is forgiven for being human - don't be pedantic - and his great torment is recognized. He fell. He could not have done it alone. He is still a hero.

And, I think that's important.

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inkskinned

fucking hate it when the stuff everybody says "actually works" does actually work.

hate exercising and realizing i've let go of a lot of anxiety and anger because i've overturned my fight-or-flight response.

hate eating right and eating enough and eating 3 times a day and realizing i'm less anxious and i have more energy

hate journaling in my stupid notebook with my stupid bic ballpoint and realizing that i've actually started healing about something once i'm able to externalize it

hate forgiving myself hate complimenting myself more often hate treating myself with kindness hate taking a gratitude inventory hate having patience hate talking to myself gently

hate turning my little face up to the sun and taking deep breaths and looking at nature and grounding myself and realizing that i feel less burdened and more hopeful, more actually-here, that i am able to see the good sides of myself more clearly, that i am able to see not only how far i have to grow - but also how much growth i have already done & how much of my life i truly fill with light and laughter and love

horrible horrible horrible. hate it but i'm gonna do it tho

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bewbin

LETS BRING BACK 1337 SPEAK 

why do i even try 

I THoUGHT YOU MEANT THE YEAR

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esoanem

my l0rd, t3h p34s4nt5 4r3 r3v01t1ng! W3 mu5t s411y f0rth 4g41n5t th3m 4thw1th!

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otp-holic
Anonymous asked:

if steve was the one who fell from the train, bucky wouldve jumped.

Anon, thank you for the sad thought, you killed me before a work meeting... this one was VERY DIFFICULT to finish on an uplifting note, but I tried because I was about to cry in my commute!

He would have jumped. And maybe they would have landed with the serum preventing them both from dying. Maybe they would have woken up hurt and freezing but somehow would have found their way back, would have ridden the Valkyrie together, and would have jumped together before the crash. They would have celebrated the end of the war and they would have gone back to Brooklyn to spend a discreet lifetime together. But, hey, I think maybe Steve did jump after Bucky, too, only he jumped after him from inside the Valkyrie because he was frozen in panic on that train while he watched Bucky falling: muscles so tense he couldn’t will them to untangle from the cold metal of the train; fingers reacting so late to his orders that the Commandos arrived in time to take him inside. So yes, he had to wait just a bit longer to jump into the cold after Bucky. And when he woke up, after he found out they both had survived their unsynchronized fall into a cold abyss, Steve probably thought about a world where he jumped in the right moment, where they woke up hurt and freezing but somehow found their way back, where they rode the Valkyrie together, and where they jumped together before the crash. A world where they celebrated the end of the war and went back to Brooklyn to spend a discreet lifetime together. But he didn’t: He couldn’t hold his hand, but he couldn’t jump on time either, and he dreamt about that every night until he got Bucky back. Now that nightmare is just a scary and distant echo in this world, the world where they have gone back to Brooklyn to celebrate their well-earned chance at spending a not-so-discreet lifetime together.
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Thanks for killing my heart. But if that’s okay, here is number three:, that closely follows yours, with some slight chances:

Steve didn’t jump after Bucky. And fingers clamped to ice cold metal, turning away in shame, all he could think of, is that Bucky would’ve jumped.

But Steve can’t. Steve can’t, because his heart is too big and too brave and too selfless and he knows, that they are at the turning point, so close to winning, so close for it to finally be over.

And his heart aches, longs to jump, to fall with Bucky, to hold and protect and try by the slimmest chance to change faith. But that’s all it is, isn’t it? A slim change, minimal.

And so he turns away, because his men need him and no matter how much he aches and screams and hurts, Steve can’t. He can’t go after Bucky, because it is the world versus him and his heart doesn’t allow him for once to be selfish.

Maybe he could jump out of the moving Plane? Could Radio his coordinates. He could tell Peggy where to be found. But he doesn’t. Because the part of him that died with Bucky is welcoming the feeling of letting go longing for the ice, the numbness. Too fall with Bucky, follow him into the snow. And so he lets go and when the water starts to surround him, he pulls his shield to his chest, then god forbid they found out, Captain America left this world crying, curled up like a child, trying to for one more time, find peace in the familiar position, even if he knows, it will not work, because Bucky is not here, is not here to hold him warm.

And so he awaits the ice, and he forces himself to lay still and he forces himself to stop trashing when water fills his lungs, because finally, finally he will see Bucky again. And then- still.

When he wakes up, he cries. And he curses his heart and he curses his mind and all the selfless being, that was always praised.

Years later, when Bucky wakes, Steve will tell him, he is a good man. But Bucky shakes his head: „Never was Stevie. Cuz I would’ve jumped.“

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