tainted by you.

Jumy-M On the edge of the surf / 冬、波打ち際で凍える

I realize I’m 2 years late to this, but I’m just now digging in and trying to understand the full effects of Brexit, and it’s truly astonishing. I knew it would have the usual protectionist effects like higher prices and whatnot, but there’s a not improbable chance Britain runs out of food. They’re scrambling to make sure planes will still have access to the country. Important scientific research is stalling because British scientists can’t secure funding. And I’m still not sure what the argument for it is except something about regulations and telling your Polish maid she’s not wanted.

― Frances Ha (2012), dir. Noah Baumbach

My brother was diagnosed with depression years before I was, and because of that he started therapy years before I did.

I still remember when I was a young teen and he was playing a Nirvana song and he stopped it at this one line: “I miss the comfort of being sad”

He told me that when you start to get better, there’s a part of you that misses being sad and that if you start feeling that way you have to be extra extra aware and careful because if you indulge the feeling you’ll go down a self-destructive spiral

And even though that was years and years ago, I think about it all the time. Especially when I’m reading discourse on the idea of getting so attached to mental illness as an identity that you don’t want to improve things because you feel safe in it and don’t know who you are without it

I always think of that line “I miss the comfort of being sad” and my brother’s warning

Sometimes I get overwhelmed by the vastness of things I want to be, do and achieve.

I want to be the girl reading Anna Karenina in a dimly lit cafe and losing herself in poetry and philosophy every night. Yet, I also want to be sharp and analytical and save lives with a scalpel in my hand. I want to travel the world and surprise people with how many languages I can speak - drink wine and watch ballet in France, explore abandoned castles in Scotland, feel the centuries of history in Italy and Greece, learn to surf in Hawaii or Australia. I want to have an attic studio where I can make art and laugh with my lover about the funny-looking portrait as I can never get the face proportions quite right. I want a house away from the city and a horse so that I can roam the fields. But I also want to live right in the middle of the city and admire the skyline and the skyscrapers every night. And the list goes on and on…

They say follow your passion but which one do I follow if there are only 24 hours in a day? I know I won’t be able to do all of the things I dream of but I personally object to having to limit myself.

The night sky must have been beautiful in the middle ages

good love is always patient 

Steadfast.

Edit

Anastasia and Dennis Klaffert shot by Kat Irlin

— Arthur Miller, The Crucible (via wordsnquotes)

You know you’re fucking with the right person when you don’t have to do anything to keep them interested other than just being you.

I love people who make me forget that I’m shy