To Err is Human.

Hey guys, today’s my 24th birthday, do I wrote 3930 words about what I’ve learned so far.

I talk about dating, friendships, and mental illness. I wrote this using my personal experiences, but I hope me sharing that helps you learn something about your own experiences.

Happy birthday to me!

“Okay.”

There’s a lot to be said about this movie and there’s certainly a lot to quote from it. From aimless comments made by characters and oft misinterpreted intentions when it comes to lines like “She’s going to be drunk and stupid now” or “I’m just a fucked up girl looking for my own peace of mind”. Personally, “Okay.” has always worked for me. Growing up, you’ll hear that it’s improper and you should be using “Alright” (maybe that’s just me), but the delivery in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind bears the weight of both Joel and Clem’s emotional journey throughout the film. I could be reaching, sure. - Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind presents the audience with what I feel is the most accurate interpretation of love. What it could be, what comes from it, what we hope to get out of it.

What it could be:

Acceptance. In my very limited experience (I’m 23 and still feeling my way around), I’ve found Love to be acceptance. I don’t mean this as in “I accept you for who you are” but more in the “I accept how I feel” kind of way. I don’t believe you can help how you feel. I don’t think it’s switch you can turn off and on at will, and I don’t think it’s something you can pursue. Love, for me, is something I’ve received and given and in both directions; I haven’t always wanted it or felt I should be giving it, but it happens and I’m just going to have to accept that.

In the movie, we’re presented with Clementine trying to refuse her love for Joel, impulsively and angrily. We don’t get to see her story. Cause and effect brings us to Joel retaliating, trying to deliver in kind what he feels is rejection. Over the course of his story, we’re invited into Joel’s thoughts and feelings and we’re with him as he discovers just how hard it is to say you don’t love someone, despite what may have happened. In the end, we find Joel and Clem, exhausted and defeated by their own feelings, happily accepting the love they feel for each other.

What comes from it:

Joyful pain. I know that, growing up, I’m supposed to believe “love conquers all” and all that. I’ve seen the Disney movies. Going through life now, I’ve found Love to be a multitude of things. It’s angry and hateful and it’s gentle and kind. It’s everything in between. It’s in grand gestures and impulsive decisions, as well as mundane words and half measures. Most importantly, it’s a hurricane of feelings and experiences and like a hurricane, it can be dangerous and destructive, but it can also breathe new life into preexisting conditions. Google it. It’s true.

In the movie, we’re shown via Joel’s memories how his relationship with Clementine seemingly fell into a ritualistic and boring day-to-day. Something Clementine has openly expressed she’s not a fan of. We’re to assume their relationship is dying because there’s nothing left, and in this supposed decaying process, we see fights erupt between Joel and Clem. Fights that ultimately culminate in her erasure of him and his expected retaliation. Through this retaliation – through this storm of anger and hurt, Joel rediscovers his love for Clem and while he can’t know that she would do the same, the hope is enough to get him through the procedure. And as we’re shown, new life is given to their relationship.

What we hope to get out of it:

Love. I know that sounds like a cheap answer, but I don’t think it’s wrong. Movies, TV, books, and music all give us these fantastical notions of what Love is or should be, and we carry that with us into our personal relationships. This causes problems because it’s almost never what we expect, at least not in the black and white fashion we initially think. Love isn’t endless and effortless. Love doesn’t conquer all and it doesn’t end happily ever after, at least not always. The love we hope to get out of a loving relationship is almost a starting point, but we don’t know that until we get there and see that it won’t be the same each time. If that’s the case, how can we know what to expect?

In the movie, we see Joel moving through his life essentially waiting for something to happen. In the beginning (one of those quotes I mentioned) Joel asks himself “Why do I fall in love with every woman I see that shows me the least bit of attention” as if he’s already experienced it and knows what it would be like. And we see this repeated when they’re on the frozen Charles “I could die right now” because he’s so happy. Even when he references his previous relationship, he thinks it’ll be good enough. She was nice to him. He knows what to expect because he thinks he knows what it is, that it’ll be the same.

At the end of this wonderful movie, where we’ve seen what kind of love Joel hopes for and what comes from the love between Joel and Clem, we get to see what could be. We get the “Okay.” The acceptance. It’s hard to say what comes next for Joel and Clementine, but we’re shown that they’re good with it and are willing to face it and their feelings for each other together.

That’s why I love this movie. I may be reading into it, I may be reaching, but it’s hard to care. I’m cool with how I feel about it.

I sat down with Kasey and talked about why we had an unnecessary hatred for one another since meeting in 2010. Check it out!