one big shitpost.

i always forget "fuck" is a bad word. it's like a brother to me

putting this out as a feeler: does anyone want me forever

Gay asf to be a dentist. Why you wanna drill another man??? Why you wanna make him scream? Why you wanna put your hands in his mouth? Anyway I’m here to shoot you because you’re mistreating your girlfriend who Im in love with and I need fresh human blood to feed my gaint talking plant from outer space

A random old lady walked up to me and asked if I was autistic. I told her I wasn't sure, and she said, "Would you like to be?"

daily office routine

8AM-9AM: grieve

9AM-10AM: shit/vape

10AM-11AM: jerk off

11AM-12PM: respond to emails

12PM-5PM: practice smiling

anyone else uhh..... anyone else ummmm. anyone else. anyone else, anyone.. anyone, anyone. oh god anyone

sometimes you dont eat fruit for awhile and then you eat some fruit and you're like oh fuck its fruit

ibuprofen...... ubuprofen...... 🤝 webuprofen 💞💞

obsessed with characters being saved against their will. being knocked unconscious and carried away from a danger they won't stop trying to fight. being shoved through a portal somewhere far away and safe right before it closes. trying to self-sacrifice only to have the exact person they're trying to save swap their places at the last second. getting the only cure to the disease or curse bc the person administering it loves them too much to give it to anyone else, including themselves. being thrown to safety right as they had accepted dying. someone else they thought had gotten to safety running back to drag them out of danger. it's so fucking tasty

why are there bruises on my knees

i snuck into your house while you were sleeping and used one of those doctor reflex tester hammers to beat the shit out of your knees specifically

Some polling station worker got to deliver the dunk of a lifetime today.

love this image bc what did the princess do to make the crowd shout and throw tomatoes at her. i know it wasnt nothing

wish i could call in bitchy to work

sorry boss can’t work today. i woke up and i feel like a total cunt. can’t be trusted with customers