today I was in such a great mood after weeks of brutal mood swinging between severely depressed to spending $400 on supplements to “cure me”. the sun was shining as I sped down the highway listening to my college playlists. no one cut me off and I didn’t hit any traffic. then I failed yet another nursing exam and now my will to live has returned to its grave 

I love coming back to this void and shouting into it about something weird and personal with no relevance to anyone here who may encounter it. something about that is poetic. if you still follow me after all these years you are being forced to know me intermittently. nursing school is making me question every fiber of my intelligence and resilience. I just want to be in 2019 drinking on the beach all summer with my friends after work and living with my mom and having no responsibilities but also the freedom of a 23 year old. 27 is too old to want that, now I am supposed to want other things, I am supposed to like going to work and going to school and doing nothing else, I am supposed to be in a committed relationship because in less than 10 years my womb will be geriatric and my mother will never have a grandchild and she deserves one but I don’t know where to get one for her. anyway happy easter

I miss having covid in december 2020. that was a cozy time for me because I spent the past few months being assaulted at work plus all of november being crazy on main and in person then I just got to chill out for december and no one expected anything of me so o just watched Glee season 2 and paced 10k steps in my room every day because I was still manic

i’m back on tumblr after watching all of stranger things in like 5 days and I need to say that we ALL are actively failing will byers and we need to do better because. he’s so cute guys and he spent a week down there singing the clash not for us to just forget about him

I need to take very careful steps to ensure no song from the euphoria soundtrack shows up on my spotify wrapped in eleven months

I was manic throughout all of november, starting around halloween and ending when I got covid. I think they overlapped a few days which were extremely stressful but the mania had been subsiding by then anyway. if I had gotten covid a few weeks earlier I probably would’ve accidentally spread it everywhere because I would not have had the self control to stay in my room for 2 weeks at that point. my room felt like a weird rehab. I was so fatigued that i slept off the last of the mania and watched my heart rate dip dramatically. it had lived in the 100s throughout the past month; within 2 days it rested in the 40s. my baseline is 65. I feel like i’m fully recovered now from both things and now I am strangely at peace. I don’t know how long it will last because earlier today I was so depressed I had to force myself out of bed to go downstairs and smoke one cigarette and then immediately went back to bed. and now i’m just chillin in bed but not in a bad way. I guess i’ll ride it out for now

posting my taylor swift hot takes on every social media platform: I do not like the song champagne problems and it actively annoys me how obsessed everyone is with it

wass6p

i have covid and im still severely mentally ill hows everyone else doing