FINDING REALITY

but you see her on instagram and it was never really said that you guys aren’t friends but one day she stopped answering and you stopped texting and it’s not like the wound is a cavern but it is a diagram of what if in red letters. you want to tell her nice lipstick that’s a good color but the last time you spoke it was stilted and awkward 

how do you say goodbye, you know? it’s not an unfriend and block kind of situation. but you watch the people you once loved go on and have a life and you’re outside of it. and it’s bittersweet because of course it’s okay that you’re both thriving. but she used to be who you’d call if you needed to cry. she used to be who’d you’d be binge watching the new series with. you used to be hers, in a way, even if that way wasn’t permanent. and now she’s someone else and so are you and your friendship is clicking heart shapes next to pictures where she smiles next to people you’ve never met. you know where her birthmark is. she knows where you’ve buried your dead.

the poets and the singers and the authors write about romantic love when it ends. but nobody tells you how to get over a friend.

Susan Sontag, Reborn: Journals and Notebooks, 1947-1963

I’m the type of person who holds on to ticket stubs and photos and presses flowers but never puts them into a scrapbook I just have them scattered everywhere which brilliantly illustrates how I’m a sentimental piece of shit who can’t put their life together

U know when you like someone so much n it just hurts your heart

Hell, if I had all this money I’d be nice too! Nicer even. Parasite (2019) dir. Bong Joon-ho