We miss you, princess.

I’m he hydroflask owner

my mom is the hydroflask owner

did i ever tell u guys that in fifth grade my class wrote a play bc we were studying ancient greece? it was called persephone and the (not so hot) heroes. i played demeter. basically, persephone got kidnapped by kronos and i strong armed hades into giving me 3 heroes from the underworld to get her back but they were actually terrible and i forget how she was actually saved but bottom line is that you wish you were my fifth grade class

this wasn’t little either, we used the town hall and we wore togas and shit

me as demeter

some lines (this was a joint effort of a bunch of greek-savvy 10/11 year olds):

athena: ‘im the goddess of wisdom but you don’t notice me telling everyone. i’m too smart for that’

-

aphrodite: is zeus chasing some mortal woman again?

athena: no this time he and hera have gone for marriage counselling

-

athena: we can ask hades to let them out of the underworld to help

aphrodite: he’ll never agree, he’s such a deadly bore (we made a fucking pun im so angry)

-

demeter: hades wont pick up. he’s too busy torturing the dead in tartarus

-

hades: i can’t undo the laws of death. just think of the paperwork.

-

aphrodite: the humidity is messing up my hair. it’s getting all frizzy

athena: is that all you care about?

aphrodite: no, it’s also messing up my dress

-

demeter: it’s so dark, and there aren’t any trees or flowers

hades: what do we need trees for, everybody’s dead

- 

paris: yeah, and i can shoot straight! isn’t that right, achilles?

-

(hades enters)

paris: who are you? do we know you?

-

achilles: im mighty achilles

odysseus: im wily odysseus

paris: and im hungry paris

-

kronos: i really am awesome, aren’t i

-

aeton: one wrong move and you’re history

odysseus: fool! we already are history!

-

demeter: where are those mortals? i left them right there.

athena: are you sure? this isnt the first time you’ve lost someone.

I suddenly have the need for the entire screenplay, and to direct it at my college.

@teashoesandhair

These are funnier than literally any retelling I have ever done and I’m not even mad about it.

@spiritspodcast

Gender roles in a nutshell: the Beauxbatons and Durmstrang entrances in The Goblet of Fire.

also, to my knowledge neither of those schools were sex-segregated in the books

That bothered me more than the Dumbledore yelling, actually.

Nicolas Flamel was an alum of Beauxbatons.

The first headteacher of Durmstrang was a witch.

Bam.

In the books, it even says that there were boys and girls from each school. Thanks Hollywood for making Durmstrang buff and all athletic men and Beauxbatons all feminine and dainty.

Just imagine what it would have meant for every kid watching, seeing girls walking beside the guys in Durmstrang being “manly” and boys walking with Beuxbaton being flirty and feminine.

It would have shown that girls and boys can be however they want.

It also suggested that the only way a female could have be selected to participate was if she was not up against any male competition. In the books Fleur is chosen as the best candidate for her school from a selection of female AND male students. And she was the best PERSON. Not the best GIRL.

all men are Russian and all Women are French.

Select your gender: 🔳 Russian 🔳 French

About five times a year, I re-learn that Jimmy Kimmel and Jimmy Fallon are different people.

If your politics aren’t based in empathy and wanting to improve life for everyone? I don’t trust you and I never will.

^^this comment^^

Say what you will about the Ewoks but they’re the only people in the galaxy who have handrails on their bridges and stairs.

The Empire calls them primitives but the Ewoks have OSHA regulations and the Empire doesn’t so who’s really more primitive here?

these were $2 at goodwill and so goofy I had to buy them

me, starting a new game: i’m gonna be evil this time

me, 5 minutes into said game: Being Mean Is Not Nice

My goals for old age are somewhere between this lady:

And this gentleman:

Do you mean: