Swift Before the Wind I Go

can’t believe i just blew fifty bucks in there <- gay deer walking out of a bar

Customer: *Squilliam voice* On your lunch break, Squiddy? Employee: *Squidward voice* Squilliam Fancyson from band class?! Customer: Still playing the cash register, are we? *Squilliam laugh*

Ok wait let her speak

Please give evidence beyond “I hate them” or “I like sleeping in” or “I have to get up early”, none of which is actual evidence

Signed

an actual morning person

Night person who needs to see a doctor/get your car worked on/go to the bank/buy groceries, etc? You're gonna have to sacrifice sleep for it. Because for some reason it was decided that most places of business should open in the morning and close in the evening. Fewer and fewer places are 24/7. Wanna go for a nice stroll in the park? Tough shit, they close at sundown. Hell, want to just go for a walk in general? Fair chance of being harassed by the cops because being out and about in the dark is "suspicious" behavior. Want something that's not fast food and don't want to/can't cook for yourself? Best we can do is a diner like Denny's or IHOP. Got a loved one in the hospital you want to visit between work and sleep? Either gotta get up early or stay up late to meet visiting hours.

And let's not forget, no matter how little you actually sleep and how much you actually get done, if you're not awake during certain hours it means you're a lazy good-for-nothing. Express a desire for more places open 24/7? Selfish and entitled. Complain about how noisy your neighbors are during your sleep hours? Well you can't expect the world to tiptoe around you. But also you'd better keep it down at night because other people are sleeping!

But don't worry! There are plenty of guides on how to "fix" your sleep schedule out there! You just have to follow a strict, often disruptive routine that you can never stray from even a little or else you'll fall back to your natural sleep schedule lazy, undisciplined ways.

And at that, good luck finding a job that doesn't expect you to be in by 9 AM at the latest. Which means getting up at 7:30 AM at the latest, earlier if you have a commute. Which means getting to bed at 11:30 PM at the latest.

Which means night owls have a straight choice between self-employment/freelance work, with all its insecurities, or constant self-torture. (Oh yeah, sleep deprivation does count as torture, per the UN.)

Having a bruise is great it’s like a second clitoris but it only does masochism

Purchasing Power (Salary after Costs and Taxes) of Europe, 2023.

to add: groceries in pink countries are cheaper than in blue countries. same brands. yes, same brands are cheaper. same brands in pink countries that are cheaper are also of higher quality. its been proven that eastern europe receives garbage leftovers of the west. this even went to the european court, nothing has been fixed.

i have some anecdotal evidence too bc i didn’t even realise just the sheer Amount of quality difference there is. but when i visited italy i bought some random juice, the cheapest family pack one, cuz i recognized the brand from Romania. i tasted it and it was one of THE tastiest drinks i’ve had to date. so when i got back to Romania i scrambled to buy the exact same brand and exact same flavor… and it tasted like shit. genuinely just, it tasted like empty chemicals. i was so sad and disappointed and just. i never realised just how huge the actual quality difference is until that point :C

it isnt just anecdotal! though lots could be said about our anedoctal yugoslavs and “german nutella”, as a popular joke. this went all up to the court.

https://www.theguardian.com/inequality/2017/sep/15/food-brands-accused-of-selling-inferior-versions-in-eastern-europe

guy tries to toss a cigarette on the ground but the ground parries it and it flies back into his mouth and he solemnly continues to smoke it

every prehistoric human reconstruction has me thinking “I want to smoke weed with this bitch”

she looks like she would have been an awesome neighbor, like she would have loved menthols and called me baby

“a Cheeto could have killed a Victorian child” but the opposite. Neanderthals would have loved to go to Hardee’s and get a burger with me.

neanderthals would have walked hand in hand with me into hell (buccees opening day)

When I saw this article two years ago and found out Neanderthals were seasoning their food 70,000 years ago, I teared up thinking about how they never got to try things like beef jerky and Doritos.

Nice Cock, Bro!

I drew the gang,

my horrible hybrid of all of them

This is pure art.

For those curious, this was taken at the Oceti Sakowin camp during the No DAPL protests in Cannon Ball, North Dakota. The photograph is titled “Defend the Sacred” by Ryan Vizzions. I did not find the name of the subject on horseback.

Her name was  Marissa Blacklance. #Dakota38 rider, & front line water protector at Standing Rock. She was killed by a drunk driver in January of 2018.  Her mother is using this tragedy to make changes benefitting our community with the Yellow Scarf tribute. 

YOU'RE RIGHT!

how embarrassing, I got so laser-focused on Belphegor that I neglected the other pieces of evidence (his siblings). this is genuinely very stupid of me.

his litter consists of:

tabby is a dominant, and white-spotting is a co-dominant. this means that - since his mother has neither tabby nor white-spotting - the father would need to visually express both. old bat-ears has neither.

you know who does have them, though? the only other stud cat at the cattery. and the one who supposedly did not father this litter.

this means we now have a solid answer to this question:

Belphegor........I'm sorry, my boy. you were born a bastard in a bed of cuckoldry.

as an update, his ears changed to look more like the illegitimate father. I don’t think there any more doubt: my son is a bastard

They should make an alternate version of boba tea called kiki tea and its filled with spikes

Black cats are lucky. (via leahweissmuller)

MAN [IN THICK ACCENT]: Black cat bring good luck.  Not bad luck.  I have black cat - See, him face - And I am not dead today: Good luck!

“See him face”

I sure fucking do see him face

Him face

Reblog him face for good luck in 2021

Reblog him face for good luck in 2021 (2)

Reblog him face for good luck in 2022

Reblog him face for good luck in 2023

Reblog him face for good luck in 2024

i just did the BOFA thing to my mum and she goes “that’s very rude” and I said “i’m sorry, i meant it as a parody” and she said “of what?” then i said “a parod-eez nuts” and i heard my dad laugh from the other room

Deadwish

Dragon: “Can you fucking not?”

rude

website

StopNCII.org is operated by the Revenge Porn Helpline which is part of SWGfL, a charity that believes that everyone should benefit from technology, free from harm. Founded in 2000, SWGfL works with a number of partners and stakeholders around the world to protect everyone online

Sounds legit