The Order of the Cracked Eggheads

what the fuck is going on with this post

I KEEP FORGETTING THEY’RE BIPEDAL 

A featherless biped?

Diogenes:

THEY ARE WHAT???

I’m annoyed for it that it’s nose is constantly booping the ground

This is so cute!

The type of quality content I like to see

She went on a rant for two days. Delta got her ass together in two tweets.

Bonus:

DAAMMMNNNNN

Reblogging for chris evans’ bonus toothpaste bit

….Did he tell her to chill with emojis?

HE CALLED HER A SNOWFLAKE IM GONNA MARRY THIS MAN

Fun fact! According to folklorists, all myths, fairy tales and nursery rhymes that are about some dude named Jack are talking about the same guy

What this means is, that ever single one of the following

Are literally the same jackass who made so many bad life choices he ended up an immortal ice dullahan with a pumpkin serving as both his head and flashlight

but what an incredible journey he had getting there

He’s Ye Olde Florida Man

This is the meme content I like to see

let me tell u something chefs love memes about how a kitchen works and this one caused my entire kitchen to riot and my head chef sent it to all the area chefs in the company

Every Adult In “Harry Potter” Let Us Down At Some Point And That’s Important a 900 page dissertation by me

And that includes Joanne Kathleen Rowling a tear stained afterword by me

Hagrid Is The Exception a rebuttal by me

The Time Hagrid Told Voldemort How to Take Out Something Protecting an Object that Grants Immortality When He Was Drunk and Other Well-Meaning Fuck Ups a lengthy chapter

You’re Absolutely Right a retraction

How dare you assume Molly Weasley has done anything wrong ever

That Time Molly Yelled At The Twins And Ron For Saving Harry From Abuse And Starvation, Thus Likely Communicating To The Abused Kid In Her Presence That His Welfare Was Less Important Than Not Borrowing The Car, That Time Molly Was Utterly Condescending About How Harry Is A Child And Doesn’t Deserve To Know Anything In A Way That Probably Heightened His Determination To Prove Otherwise, That Time Molly Said The Twins Put Together Aren’t As Good As Any Of Their Brothers Over OWL Results That They Worked Hard On And Were Proud Of, That Time Molly Forcibly Cut Her Adult Son’s Hair Right Before His Wedding, That Time Molly Spent A Year Being Mean And Rejectful Toward Her Son’s Fiancee, That Time Molly Sent Hermione A Deliberate “Fuck You” Present For Easter Because She Believed A False Story Written In Witch Weekly Without Making Any Attempt To Ask The People Actually Involved, Those Times She Made Her Youngest Son’s Christmas Sweaters His Least Favorite Color, And Every Time She Belittled Her Husband’s Hobby, The Twins’ Interests, And Bill’s Appearance Because She Couldn’t Be Bothered To Understand Or Value Or Even Be Kind About Them a detailed reminder that no one’s perfect and sometimes what one person doesn’t mind or see hits another person hard

Florean Fortescue Just Wanted To Sell Some Ice Cream And Help Harry With His Homework He Is The Only Adult Who Didn’t Mess Up Until Getting Killed By Voldemort, RIP an increasingly strident addendum by me

OK You’re Absolutely Right Florean Fortescue Was In Fact Perfect As Far As I’m Aware a concession by me

my favorite Millennial Thing™ is when a group of us are standing around and talking and someone asks a question that no one knows the answer to and suddenly it’s a race to get out your phone and google it and be the first to know, and then someone starts reading the Wikipedia article about the thing aloud to everyone else, and what started as a casual conversation is now A Learning Opportunity and we all walk away a little more knowledgeable about a random topic

Like, Boomers hate when we do that, but I think it’s one of the best things about us.

So long as we have internet or a cell signal, all of the world’s collective knowledge is at our fingertips, and damned if we aren’t going to use it.

My dad always get mad when I do this. He’s always like “We didn’t need to know.” That makes no sense to me. Why would that make me ignore my ability to learn something? I don’t always *need* to know but that doesn’t mean I’m going to pass up an opportunity to learn something new.

Why carry a supercomputer around in your pocket if you’re not gonna use it?

hot take: jake peralta is bi and john mulaney plays his ex boyfriend from high school in season six of brooklyn nine-nine

john mulaney plays a rockin’ twink

John Mulaney: *to himself* What would Leonard Bernstein do?

Captain Holt: *to Jake, quietly* I support your and Amy’s relationship with my whole heart but why on earth would you give up a man like that

literally every barbie movie : And she was a Princess

me: oh my god she was a Princess

Quintessential Halloween Movies and chill anyone? It’s about that time of the year. Les get spooky.

Part 2: Even more Quintessential Halloween movies n stuff.

so much is going on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it’s too much!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just want to sleep in the forest for 190 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i’m tired leave me alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some 🔥🔥🔥memes I really wanted to share. 

One of these struck a cord.

Wild part about Dr. Ford was I assuming something happened but when I heard her tell what happened I was like holy fuck. That happened to me when i was 15.

I am having to learn exactly what sexual assault means.

And I am realizing that yes, this has happened to ALOT of people. ALOT

I got raped at 15. I didn’t tell anybody. That doesn’t change my past. I got raped.

IT’S ALMOS HERE!!!!!!!!

People who say “We can be five minutes late to the theater because shows always start late” are the people that I am most scared of in life.