Pride, Narcissism and Prejudice- Chapter 18
“Mmmm,” pondered Takigawa thoughtfully, “we might be confronted with a slight problem there.”
It was time to decide about the driving arrangements and the five young people found themselves facing a dilemma. There was only room for three persons on the front seat, and only a gentleman was supposed to hold the reins, meaning that one of the ladies was bound to travel with one of the men alone in the back. It wouldn’t ruin a reputation, but was still slightly improper for a single young woman.
So Mai candidly decided to propose what seemed the most obvious and decent solution to her: that she sat in the back alone with her relative, while her friends chaperoned each other in Brown’s company.
“Is that so? Would it not be acceptable that you and I rode in the back, cousin Takigawa? It certainly would not be frowned upon for two relatives. Masako, Ayako, do not you agree?”
“Well…” was Ayako’s embarrassed reply.
Mai’s suggestion wasn’t rewarded with the agreeing she had expected, but some slight unwillingness from her female friends instead. Her eyes darted from Masako to Ayako questioningly, only to be answered with uneasy stares. Not understanding their reluctance, Mai turned to the gentlemen to solicit their opinion on the matter. She felt like she was being the practical one, for once, and was certain the men would support her view.
“Gentlemen, what do you think?”
“How forgetful of me!” exclaimed Brown promptly. “I have some further shopping to take care of. Maybe the four of you could go on your own, and send the cart back later.”
Mai immediately hated herself for insisting when she took in the blond’s expression. He sported a look of tired resignation and an apologetic smile was timidly creeping onto his juvenile features. She realised, ashamed, that he was the reason why the seating arrangement was so problematic, and that her lack of sensibility had simply made him very aware of it.
How could she not had not realized they were bound to be seen while riding, and that word would be spread about it? Of course Lady Hara wouldn’t stand hearing about her precious offspring being in the company of a Catholic, and while the Matsuzakis’ didn’t have such qualms about associating with the man, leaving their only child falling prey to unsavory gossip was another matter. Masako and Ayako had no choice but avoid such a situation.
Brown, manifestly mindful of the ladies’ hesitation, had simply proposed to remove himself from the picture. His clumsy attempt to spare the women embarrassment was so blatant and generous that Mai felt utterly dejected. Her thoughtless suggestion had just put him in a difficult position.
Suddenly she found herself angry with the religious prejudice. The young gentleman was radiating candor and gentleness, and except his religion, what was there to be held against him? He was also her cousin’s acquaintance, so she supposed her relative would shield her from a potentially angry Lady Hara if necessary.
“Mr Brown,” she addressed the man with her most blinding smile, “I would be very disappointed if you were not to ride with us. We had been introduced for so long, and yet we never had the chance to exchange more than a few words! I was hoping you would be kind enough to seat with me in the back, and entertain me with some conversation.” Then she turned to the other gentleman, seeking his approbation. “If my cousin would allow it, naturally.”
The clergyman responded with an approving gaze and a warm encouraging smile. He seemed secretly pleased with her conduct, and Mai felt proud of the satisfied appraising look he gave her.
“Of course, my dearest cousin. I would not want to deprive you from John’s company. Brown, what do you think, do you mind me driving?”
“That does not inconvenience me in the least, and I would be honored to discuss with miss Taniyama,” responded the american in his thick accent, relieved.
The simple sincerity of his response and the lack of useless flattering were extremely refreshing for the young woman. She, who was always struggling to adopt the sophisticated coquetry that most gentleman were expecting from a well-bred marriageable lady, appreciated his blunt honesty. Brown’s look of gratitude and bewilderment to her own natural and open manners reminded Mai how lonely he was probably feeling in a country which had never been his, where manners were probably different and where his faith made him some sort of pariah.
She remembered all the commotion his arrival had triggered, just a year prior. John Brown’s very existence had begun with an uproar, since he was the result of an affair between the Baron Brown’s only daughter and an Irish gentleman, who had had the misfortune to be catholic, of low nobility and tremendously poor. Despite the odds the two of them had fallen passionately in love, to the Baron utter’s displeasure. Indeed, in a bout of rage the man had threatened to kill his resented daughter’s lover, compelling the couple to elope to escape his wrath. The scandalous pair, after getting married in secret to the local gentry’s equal delight and horror, had emigrated to America where they surely had hoped to start over their lives in more auspicious settings. Little had they known that soon the British colony was to become an independent country through a civil war. In this troubled time little John had been born and his baptism into the catholic church had had his grandfather disown and ban him from his existence.
However, the Baron had had to modify his stance on that matter. Unfortunate circumstances had led to the death of every other Baron title contenders, leaving John the last remaining blood-relative. The loss of his wife, combined with the news of his daughter and son-in-law’s death the same year had made the no more proud but broken man reconsider his previous decisions, and several lawyers had been sent to fetch the long-lost grandson.
According to the rumours, orphaned John had been invited to return to his homeland and family, with the bait to inherit the nobility title and large fortune of the Brown’s, at the condition that he renounced to his catholic upbringing, took his mother’s name and embraced the anglican faith. The young man had surprised everyone with his refusal, stating that he would come for his grandfather’s sake, change his name if necessary, but would never disown his Faith.
The Baron had relented apparently, since John Brown had effectively travelled from America to live with his grandparent, and had been officially introduced to the neighborhood soon after despite attending a catholic church.
Mai observed the American gentleman quietly as he took place in the cart, seemingly trying to diminish his already small stature in what the girl guessed was an attempt to avoid being too visible from the street. His pale freckled skin and his light blue eyes were definitely betraying his Irish blood, while his blondness was an heritage from the Browns. She couldn’t call the man handsome with his round childlike face, but the softness of his features and his indisputably gentle expression conferred him an angelic aura that could probably be perceived as attractive.
The gentleman smiled kindly to the young woman, albeit a bit nervously. To relieve him from uneasiness, Mai took upon herself to start the conversation.
“Mr Brown, how do you find England so far? Is the land to your liking?” she prompted, trying to stand gracefully seated while the cart was bumping on very pebble on the road.
“It is a very nice country. With, hum, very civil people,” responded the blond, seemingly unfazed by the rocky motion of the vehicle.
Mai groaned inwardly. What a boring question she had asked! Of course he couldn’t answer anything else than a polite compliment, which he had probably spoken a thousand times. Where was her wittiness when needed? She finally opted for inquiring about things she was genuinely curious about.
“I have never gone farther than Merryton,” she stated regretfully. “I would love hearing your description about what life is in America.” Before the troubled gaze of the man, she hastily corrected herself. “How thoughtless of me! Of course I did not want to remind you about what you left behind. My apologies…”
But Brown shook his head and smiled sincerely.
“What would you want to know? I am afraid that life in Boston is quite similar to that of any English town. Except that the population there is very cosmopolite.”
“Oh,” sighed Mai, disappointed. “I thought that things were more… adventurous there.”
“It can be, if you settle in the Wild West. But neither my parents nor I had that intrepid fiber, I am afraid. We stayed on the East Coast.”
“Nonetheless, you managed to cross an ocean to come back here! I would call that venturesome at least!”
“I did appreciate the trip indeed. Sailing the ocean was a great experience, if you except getting seasick the first few days.”
Mai wrinkled her nose at the mention of the sickness, but her eyes held a dreamy glaze.
“How I wish to see the ocean! I have never had the chance to go on the seaside.”
“You should make Takigawa aware of this desire of yours,” advised the American knowingly. “I am quite certain that he would be delighted to bring you wherever you would want.”
“But I do not want to inconvenience my cousin with such whimsical wishes. He was kind enough to propose that I came to visit him in Hertfordshire, I would not want to trouble him any more than I already did.”
“I meant that he could bring you there for…” Brown’s sentence came to a halt as he stared at Mai, puzzled. “Oh, so he has not spoken to you yet,” he muttered to himself.
“Spoken?” asked the lady in utter incomprehension. “Shall I ask what you are referring to?”
The blond appeared embarrassed for a second before dismissing Mai’s question.
“Nothing at all. I may have misunderstood, and if not you shall find in due time. Please forget my comment.”
Mai acquiesced wordlessly, but the remark had sparked her curiosity.
“Since we are incidentally speaking about my cousin, shall I ask how you both met? If you will allow me to say, it is quite unusual for a clergyman and a Catholic to be on such good terms.”
Brown chuckled humourlessly, but a gentle smile bloomed once again on his features.
“You are indeed right, miss Taniyama. It is quite rare to find such acceptive and tolerant people. That is the reason why I held Takigawa in high esteem. We met in Hertfordshire when I was traveling, he was just arriving there himself to take charge of his cure. We happened to share some common interests: despite having never left the English soil, he was very knowledgeable about our habits and customs.”
“Shall I ask which ones?” questioned the woman in eager interest.
“Have you ever heard of séances, miss Taniyama?”
“I know that it is a French word, but I do not know the exact meaning,” she confessed.
“It is quite natural. Séances have grown really popular after the war in America, because people have been confronted to death more than necessary. It simply consists in trying to speak with dead souls.”
Mai gasped and blanched significantly.
“Is it not…is it not blasphemous?” she whispered, shocked.“
"Not at all,” reassured the Catholic. “The Bible does say that the souls of the dead are eternal and waiting for the Last Judgement. As a clergyman, your cousin would certainly not indulge into such activity if it was against the moral. Moreover, some people appear to be graced by a Godsend gift, allowing them to communicate with the dead. I thought you were aware of that fact,” he frowned slightly, surprised, “considering that…”
Once again the gentleman stopped himself, and scratched the back of his neck with a contrite expression.
“If you do not mind, forget what I said.”
Mai’s mind was reeling with questions. Why should she be aware of such a thing? She had never heard of séances before this day! Could it be that her cousin was gifted with such a strange ability?
“I am afraid I cannot fulfill your request. Are you implying that my cousin is one of these people?”
“Takigawa? He is indeed well versed on the matter, but I do not know if he can perform a séance by himself.”
“Are you, then?” dared the lady.
John hesitated a moment before nodding gravely, a sad look hardening his features.
“I am indeed. But it is not something that I would admit publicly here. People can be harsh when they are confronted of things they cannot understand. That is one of the reasons why your cousin’s friendship is so precious to me. He is one of a brave kind.”
Mai’s heart clenched. How lonely could the young American feel, estranged by his birth, faith and beliefs? She resolved to lend him a helping hand whenever she could.
“Do not worry about me spreading the word,” she vowed seriously. “I promise you I shall not tell a living soul about it. You have my word, for what it is worth.”
“Thank you,” replied the gentleman with a sincere smile. “The more I hear about you, the more I find you and Takigawa have in common.”
“I wish it were true, if only I have inherited his flattery skills!” she joked. “My life could have been so much easier then!”
Brown laughed heartily at her comment, amusement shining in his blue eyes.
“He sure knows how to subdue those around him. But in all honesty, I find your sincerity and openness much more appealing. And so does he, I can assure you.”
The young lady blushed slightly, a little embarrassed but grateful for the praise. Why were the only two gentlemen appreciating her a Catholic and her relative? She would never be able to find a suitable suitor at this rate…
The image of a gorgeous dark-haired and blue-eyed gentleman standing under a hanging lantern came into her mind before she could stop herself.
Stop it Mai, he is not and will never be yours. He doesn’t want to. You don’t want him to.
She felt angry with herself. He was a horrible player, sarcastic, full of himself, the least empathic person ever! Why was her mind betraying her like that? She thought she was over him! She forced herself to picture the gentle illusion of her dreams instead, full of kind smiles and soft gaze. If only he was like that in reality, too…
Would I love him if he was? Probably. I was inclined to the awful one, after all.
She wanted to forget Shibuya so badly, but Masako’s request was still ringing in her head. Do not let them speak alone. How was she supposed to erase the man from her thoughts when she was expected to watch him like a hawk? Her sister had better marry Yasuhara, so that she could come live with them and pester Masako for what would be the rest of her miserable spinster life. Yes, that definitely was a good way to get revenge.
A violent turbulence jolted Mai from her thoughts, and she barely avoided to crash into Brown’s chest, who almost toppled over himself.
“My apologies!” yelled Takigawa from the front seat. “Did not see the rut!”
The two unfortunate passengers got back to their sitting position carefully. Her embarrassment about his praise now forgotten, Mai turned to the blond American, smiling.
“Pray tell Mr Brown, are you going to attend any ball this season?”
With that the conversation resumed, and the rest of the ride was spent exchanging civil pleasantries. But in a corner of her mind Mai kept wondering what Masako could be dreading from such a nice and harmless gentleman that was Brown. And why everyone around her seemed to know things she wasn’t aware about.
Tonight, she decided, she would be getting answers.
AN: Sorry again for the wait, but I struggled with this one. I was in a spree, got interrupted and after said interruption I couldn’t summon my muse back. I rewrote the chapter several times but never got satisfied with the outcome. So I took a little breather to collect my thoughts and produce something acceptable. Funnily enough, I found inspiration while kneading bread dough…Anyway, I hope it was to your liking!
