Hey You Can Do! YEAH!!

how is it possible for such a perfect creature to exist?

and what's it to you??? mind your own goddamn business!!

I know it's super silly but I see a lot of art of big ladies in my dash, beautifully rotund, voluptuous ladies, ladies with the figure of a kong toy with huge boobs, but then I'm also a big lady with a boxy figure and small saggy boobs. and it's like, DAMN, even for being fat I can't be conventionally attractive hahahahahahaha

just for clarity I am only expressing my disappointment in how my figure doesn't match up with a lot of the artwork of big ladies I see people make. I'm not trying to criticize anyone's drawing style or preferences that's all good

2016 on tumblr was a very formative year for me in terms of my transitioning and expressing myself. the support and interest I got was always very encouraging and very validating. to be honest I am not sure why so many* people even followed for just constant reblogs, my silly asks, and occasional bad mspaint art

nevertheless, I miss those times a lot because so many people made me feel special. I think a lot of things I have done or wanted to do have at least in some degree been to recapture those feelings and that validation. but I don't think it can ever be the same again, and it's probably not a good reason to pursue creating things to begin with

I am in a very good place now, some might even say lucky/privileged all things considered (and no, I was always privileged). in spite of that I don't feel like I have much community, even with other like-minded furries and trans people who are generally much cooler and prettier than me. yeah I had to sneak a little self deprecation in there, you know me

but idk, I guess I wonder if it's even worth trying to go back to. am I an interesting person? a good person? am I able to give benefit to others? those are things I have always wanted to live for but still dunno if I'm any good at