little birds can remember.

in my head the star wars equivalent of tswift is some human woman named tay’lor spiff or something and her stans are losing their minds over theories that she’s secretly a jedi singing about the horrors of war, even though she’s from a neutral system that hasn’t seen so much as a moral panic in 50 years

the theories get even more egregious during the imperial era, with people straight up thinking she joined the rebellion in secret and is loading her songs with subliminal rebel propaganda. their main piece of evidence for this is if you play a certain song backwards, it sounds like she’s saying “freedom” in shyriiwook. the fans get really defensive if you point out she’s performed at the yearly empire day celebration thrice now and her family historically owned ewok slaves

i regret to inform both you beautiful people that this isn’t going to go how you think it will

spiff fans (also known as “spiffies”) insist that the two decommissioned venator-class destroyers spiff purchased, the bad blood and the reputation, are for diplomatic purposes that benefit the rebellion. jedi’lors have concocted theories that she served on both ships during the clone wars and was respectful of every clone that served there, despite her courtship of a gravball player that thrice advocated against the clone veterans being granted natural citizenship

what the fuck

women learned about the concept of love languages and never stfu

I hope our baby’s love language is acts of service

you wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

Hi stephanie,

I hope this email finds you, as the search and rescue team is otherwise completely out of ideas

Maybe Khans kill people without looking them in the face, but I ain’t a fink, dig?

You’re meeting the friend of a friend for the first time, who’s apparently an empath. When they shake your hand, they immediately rip their hand away from you.

Covered mine in sweet strawberry jam cause I value my goddamn privacy

Honestly, if Raul came across Cooper Howard I think within two minutes he’d be like ‘hey, aren’t you that gringo who did all those shitty cowboy movies?’ and then it would just be two old ghoul men fighting. Which is beautiful, but they’re both too old for that shit no matter how many chems Coop takes on the daily. Besides, Raul would win.

Swanks job is 3000% harder than Bennys lbr

When your friend tells you something good, but utterly incomprehensible