If you had one wish, what would it be?

Who are you, and why do you wanna know?

One wish ain’t enough, man—and the pressure of makin’ the right choice is too much. Who’s to say if I wish to eliminate world hunger that it won’t start some kind of war? I’m no god. Just a guy who loves his chick and likes his stash.

Think I’ve been hitting the stash too much today, man. I’m feelin’ … paranoid.

Day One - Your Favorite Character Overall

dontcontradictme:

And that’s how you do it.

How do I seduce a woman? Well, first I get on one knee and serenade her. Then I write her love poetry. Then I support her while her current boyfriend treats her badly. Then I buy her a box of chocolates and eat them all. Then I… Ai… this is why I was virgin for so long.

hey man. i have a friend and she’s constantly been making fun of me ever since i chopped off my hair which is pretty fuckin stupid cause she did too but the thing is she’s got like these inside jokes about me with my other close friend. she literally talks about me with her when I’m sitting right next to em. i don’t have the time to get mad and start some sort of fight.i want to just find a way to tell her to stop in a way that gets her embarrassed cause she talks about a lot of people man.

Sounds like your friend’s self-esteem is in the crapper. Also sounds like she ain’t much of a friend. Burns are one thing. They’re given with an understanding that you’re gonna be burned back eventually. What your friend’s doin’ doesn’t sound like burns but assholery.

She’s a master of using her own tactics, so trying to turn ‘em around on her probably won’t work. She’s pushin’ other people down to make herself feel taller. You gotta take yourself outta the game, man. Either by saying “Sayonara” to her as a friend or by acting like you don’t give a shit about what she does.

She gets off on your anger, on the reactions she’s gettin’ from you. Once you stop givin’ value to her B.S., then she won’t find any value in talkin’ crap about you—and she’ll move onto the next person.

One thing you can do when she’s sayin’ stuff about you is give yourself somethin’ else to focus on. Repeatin’ something to yourself (in your skull) like, “I choose not to give her B.S. value,” while she’s flappin’ her lips will deprive her of your energy. She’ll notice you’re not payin’ attention to her, and she’ll try harder to get you notice … until she eventually gives up.

This won’t take a day. It may take weeks or even months before the message is received. And even if she doesn’t quit it, you’ll probably be close to not caring about what she says anymore—and either way, you win. It ain’t really about what she’s sellin’—it’s what you’re buyin’.

I give a couple of classes at my Dojo of Coolness on this kind of thing. Maybe you’ll find ‘em helpful

Assholes 101 Advanced Winning and Losing

Hey, how did you get through your last year of high school, mine is killing me, with all the stuff i have to remember.

Last year of high school, last year of high school … yeah. I was secretly engaged to Donna. Then Red found out and made my life a living hell. He fired me from my job, took the Vista Cruiser away from me. So I rode my bike ten miles a day to Donna’s school and brought her home.

Homework wasn’t as much of a priority as it should’ve been. I focused on the subjects I was really good at—like history and math—and the other subjects, I let myself get by with slightly lower grades. So English and Science became became a B+ instead of an A-. And the world didn’t end.

I also took a year off after graduation and chased butterflies, became a roller-disco champion, took up illustration, and tried my hand at petty theft and chiropracty. Yeah, that was fun.

black1beard asked:

Hey Hyde, I need your advice with something.. I have a friend who has been injured for 9 months, he broke one of his legs so he hasn’t been able to move until recently. And in this whole time I was the only one who visited him , none of his friends ( even close ones )came to see him man. I gave him some of my personal stuff like my PS3 so he wouldn’t feel bored or anything. Yet when he recovered from his injury he decided to hang out again with those dudes who had never seen his face over the last 9 months and he just forgot about me man. So I decided not hang with him anymore .. I don’t regret doing all these stuff that I did to him man because he once was my friend. I only wanna know if what I did was right or not. Thanks.

Friends like you are a rare thing, man. Sucks like shit that the guy didn’t appreciate it—and far as I’m concerned, you did the right thing. But only you can make that judgment call for yourself. Seems like he’s chasin’ people who ain’t worth it. Glad you didn’t do the same and chase after him. You’re a catch—in the friend department. Heh. You ever wanna hang out in the basement, the door’s open.

Wow man Thanks for your kind words, I can't describe how happy I am right now .. Thanks again Hyde !