I've been left wittless

A brief moment of rationality from the bird place.

absolutely criminal how falling into bad habits is the easiest thing in the world while developing positive habits feels like fighting a literal war

he can infodump so deep inside me I'll have trivia running down my leg

the self care industry will sell you face masks and teas and whatnot so i'm here to remind you not to forget the most important self care activity which is masturbation

But babe you love being gaslit

I can’t let motherfuckers know I got desires or they’ll think I suck

friendship breakups are so fucked up because what do you mean you held my hand all throughout my grandmother's funeral and i spent so many mornings having breakfast with your mom because you wake up late and you taught me how to smoke and i waxed your pussy and we got drunk in your bedroom with your dad's expensive ass wine but the other day we walked past each other at the grocery store and didn't say a word as if we didn't know each other's deepest darkest secrets?

i still remember what your old house used to smell like and you still do your makeup the way i told you would make your eyes pop and i still have your lighter and you still post pictures with the necklace i let you borrow when we went to your cousin's wedding but i would rather die than talk to you ever again and you'd probably kill yourself before apologizing so fuck you and your dog i share a birthday with i guess

lets give it up for pleasures of the flesh !!

i'm hotter than i think i am but i'm also uglier than i think i am. won't elaborate

"When life gives you lemons" FALSE LEMONS ARE A HYBRID OF A BITTER ORANGE AND A CITRON, MEANING WE GAVE OURSELVES LEMONS

I have big news about like 85% of our problems

yeh. this tracks

its kind of beyond fucked up that u don't even have to be born in the 90s to be in ur 20s anymore. like they're letting just fucking anyone be 20 now. u were born in 2004? sure yeah u can be 20 this year yeah no whatever man it's cool . what the heeellllllll

i must not get takeout. takeout is the wallet-killer. takeout is the little-death that brings total obliteration. i will face the kitchen, fridge, and pantry. i will make choices about what to cook and then execute them. when hunger is gone there will be nothing. only i will remain.

hey boss i can't come in today it's a sunny day and there's a lovely breeze coming in through my window, yeah it's rustling the branches of the tree outside that's finally bloomed so it's pretty serious

When I say the Black brothers are dramatic little cunts, what I really mean is that Regulus is dramatic and Sirius is theatric. Regulus is out here writing sad boy poetry and regularly lays prone in the middle of the floor when he’s had a shite day, while Sirius is tossing out Shakespearean-level insults while dancing on the bar.

its always “youre reinforcing negative habits” and “thats not healthy” and never How was your unhealthy coping habit was the unhealthy coping habit satisfying? was it fun?

I think the fast paced society we live in currently has brainwashed me into thinking i can upgrade myself and my life just as fast as when i restart my computer or phone. I have forgotten the natural cycles of life… how the moon takes her time to be full or how the crops take their time to grow their fruits. 

SOMEONE HAD TO SAY IT