People who see pics of like those fucked up deep sea fish and creatures and go "omg I'm never going swimming in the ocean again 😰😰😰" calm down. They're 5000 feet below where you are and also i went down there and none of them even knew you. Leave them alone bitch

Julia fox has the personality of like a demon from an 80s movie or a genie in a bottle who like comes to life at night and eats all the food from a fridge and isn’t used to the rules of modern nyc and thinks a car is an animal

It’s not trespassing if you’re a girl. It’s just going for a walk

A nonhuman character in heavy makeup: *is very long*

Me: is that you, Doug

The credits: Freaky Creature played by Doug Jones

Me: YEAHHHH

When it’s Doug

somewhere a group of weird little girls is accidentally practicing a ritual that got forgotten 3000 years ago. brings me peace 

I will slip through the space between your cells and enter your body and I won't be identified as a threat because I'm making out with your white blood cells (I call them babygirl) then when you least expect it I crawl into your brain and then I freak it

I made this post about myself but I accidentally perfectly described how the rabies virus works

sorry if im bad at things i was just invented today. by a mad scientest

jerking off into a campfire and hearing pikmin dying noises

wait are there really new people joining this site. i thought it was a hoax.

hey hey if you're new here welcome take some gum

Fuck the whole “who’s gonna die this year” who’s death are you MANIFESTING. I’ll go first. JK Rowling

ppl who hate chihuahuas are nothing to me

being alone in a public restroom is like i own this place and then someone else walks in and it’s like get out of my fucking house

i’m not saying i’m better than you…. but my url has no dashes and i’m a natural brunette 

leona lewis didnt have to do that 2 me w bleeding love i was too young to have those feelings

you all hate the position i sleep in because you haven’t advanced to my level and you’re jealous of my mental acuity and caustic wit as well as being extremely good at sleeping

Epic Win! found a loose ibuprofen in my pocket

Go all the way off