Born $inner

Don’t introduce me to your parents unless you plan on marrying me bc they’re going to love me & ask about me for the rest of your life lol

when someone says “so what do you like to do for fun” unexpectedly so u didn’t have time to prep ur answers and now ur actually trying to think of the last time u felt joy

As an ex fetus, I agree

me: ok i’m gonna shut up about this now

me 5 mins later:

if you think someone’s ugly cuz they have a big nose then I’m sorry but you suck

“I’m not racist or antisemitic or anything I just think this trait associated with several marginalized ethnic groups are inherently unattractive” —many clowns who are both racist and antisemitic

*has my feelings surgically removed*

haha not to scare anyone but the hell does ‘beyond’ in bed bath and beyond stand for

me: whats ‘beyond’?

employee: *snapping my neck* go find out

As a former bed bath and beyond employee, I appreciate this

what the hell and fuck are you implying lady

A parent: say thank you

little baby: tank you :)

Me:

i wonder how many strangers hate me bc of how someone else described me to them

delete this

*has my feelings surgically removed*

Snowing at sea

Why do I never think about the possibility of snow on the ocean??? Now I see why, because it’s too ethereal