having parents that were really angry and petty and abusive when you were young is weird, because it makes part of you grow up to want to be kind, to generate good things, to be a source of peace and wellbeing for others; but it makes another part of you grow up to be quick, and sharp, and spiteful, and that’s always the part that shows itself first in a hard situation, so it’s a struggle between your hateful gut reactions and your wish to not add any more misery to the world. it’s a hard balance, and the people who really, really know me - i know they see that anger flash in my eyes before i quiet it, if i quiet it…i want to overcome years of conditioning, and with gentle, constant force, i know i’ll mellow it. it just takes time.

Unknown (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

me: *scares myself to the point where I can’t even function because of the anxiety I have created over a situation*

the situation: *works out fine*

me: oh

clean and clear commercial

white/lightskin/racially ambiguous girl: i had a pimple one time and i was ugly and dying and everyone spit on me and i was exiled from society but then i used clean and clear and now i am a healed and whole person with jesus in my heart

Men are so fuckin weak dude I swear. Women are out there grindin like nothing’s wrong while bleeding out of their vaginas 7 days a month, cramps so bad we can barely function, pushing a human out of our hoohas, taking pills that fuck with our horomones just so you can hit it raw and you have the damn nerve to judge the size of our hips that have birthed the civilizations of the world like they were made to be admired by you? No. Next time you get flicked in the balls I don’t wanna hear u talk about how it’s so much harder being a man. Damn. Shout out to women. Don’t let men tell you shit.

me as a pilot

me: Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. I have an announcement to make but first you have to promise not to get mad

me: I’m not bitter

narrator: she was bitter

Haruki Murakami, Sputnik Sweetheart  (via wordsnquotes)

business majors will do coke off your ass on saturday night and then pretend they don’t know you in your econ lecture on monday morning

fuck with a psych major then

psych majors will do lsd with you and tell you that they’ve never felt as connected to anyone as they do to you in that moment and then as soon as their trip ends they will spend the rest of your relationship disappointed because they know they’ll never feel as strongly about you sober as they did while on acid and when you take notice of that and comment that they seem to be growing distant they will psychoanalyze you and claim that you just think that because you have abandonment issues stemming from early childhood trauma

fuck with an art major then

art majors will nut on your back and hand you their paint rag to wipe it off with and then when you don’t return their calls the next day they’ll make a painting entitled Succubus. 2015 (oil and tears on canvas, 36" x 48")

Fuck with a film major

film majors will invite you over to “watch a movie and chill” and you’ll assume he means watch the first five minutes of something on netflix before getting distracted and banging but no. he has a french new wave film set up for the two of you to actually watch and you don’t understand french but he refuses to put on subtitles because he feels it undermines the artistic integrity of the work. when the movie is over he’ll undress you but not to have sex, just to “admire” your body. also he inexplicably smells like cigarettes even though he doesn’t smoke

i am so sorry for your unfortunate mishaps with multiple major fields

it’s literally 2016 why did i just come across a buzzfeed video about snacks that “only 90s kids will recognize” like….. i watched the video and one of the snacks was literally a can of coke….. they poured a can of coke into a glass… 

But did you recognize it?

i……….. did…………

Healing is not linear

IDC IF SCOOBY DOO (2002) HAS 30% ON ROTTEN TOMATOES IT WILL ALWAYS HAVE 100% IN MY HEART

The moment the temperature dips below 70 everything changes completely. I can smell again. Colors look nice now. I don’t feel like sleeping all day. I know where nougat comes from.

where does nougat come from

Lied about that one, but the other ones are true

i owe my body so many apologies

im still pissed off that birds get to spend their days flying about and cats get to sleep for 16 hours a day and im stuck dealing with capitalism and expectations

the scariest president had to be Rushmore because he had four heads