Update

I stopped writing since I broke her heart, I never looked back on having feelings again, I let lust take over and felt karma bite down on my internal cry for what I used to have and lost.

Who am I to pretend? Time went back in reverse, prisoner of my mind and obligations, I wonder if i gave myself a curse.

Here am i again, something pathetic to say, I am a child in tears huddled in the corner, afraid of her own shadows. Clenching and grinding teeth when those who assume to know what haunts me try to advise me on who to be.

The other side of myself, the stronger being, has to lie to me, tell me I am weak for not getting away with it all. Why I have to run away from myself, I never know, my legs are tired and heavy. Someone carry me, vices no longer consume and take care of the feelings unnecessary to achieve malice.

Here I am now, afraid of myself, afraid of others, afraid to speak my mind. When the hear me out, i will stand alone, makes no difference from my status now. Everyone is my victim it seems, yet i suffer in silence so others can be loved by me, so I can say I love them back. Yes, I guess to love is to suffer.

Then I question, how selfish am I really?