THEY LITERALLY HANG THEM UP TO DRY IN CRYING OH MY GOD

WHY IS THIS NOT MY JOB?!?!

THE NOISE

headcanons about eldritch!doctor except not actually about them:

#op im begging you to give me martha jones#im literally begging @4wakanda

martha jones spends a year with a perception filter around her neck hiding from a planetary wide psychic network and now sometimes, if she isn’t concentrating, people just. don’t notice her. they step around her absentmindedly, as though she’s background noise. not just people, signals just seem to bounce away from her. the only number she can consistently call is the tardis’, because all the others just don’t always connect, as though the satellites still can’t see her. when she speaks, her words thrum with hope and desperation and pain and psychic energy that existed and then didn’t. it’s hard for people to hold martha’s face in their mind, to remember anything about her features or her mannerisms, but, even if they can’t quite remember who said them, her words always settle somewhere deep inside their minds and never quite leave

(mickey smith spent years in a universe that wasn’t his own, spent years exposed to different dimensional frequencies than the ones he grew up with. martha relaxes, essence fading and blending into the fabric of the universe; he can still always see her)

(humans can’t perceive what time lords can, exactly, but they can still tell something’s off with jack harkness. there’s something almost magnetically jarring about him, something that compels people to keep their eyes on him. it takes them a while to realise that when he’s with martha, their energies balance out. it’s almost like they’re normal)

@kit-kaboodle

[ID: a tweet by @/ronnui_, reading “Here’s the deal, we’re selling art. No put your wallet away we use currency that crashes if someone tweets something weird. No you don’t keep it but I’ll write that you bought it in a big book. Ah no it’s not “good” art it’s actually the worst art you’ve seen. Just dogshit stuff.” end ID]

Release the... kitties

Demonic summoning was complicated, and she probably shouldn’t have tried it without caffeine in her system, but desperate times called for desperate measures and the coffee pot was broken. She had bills to pay (a coffee pot to replace), recalcitrant clients, and a reputation as a boss ass bitch to maintain. Hellhounds were a classic, and with the right kind of restraints they were easy to manage and easier to please. 

A little raw meat, a chance to chase someone down the street until their heart was near bursting with exhaustion, and you sent them home with a pat on the head and a steel ball covered in re-purposed tire rubber and they were SO HAPPY.

She was really regretting her lack of caffeine when she looked down into her summoning circle, made large to accommodate the huge bulk of a full grown hellhound and found herself staring into the sulfur yellow eyes of a small, glowing black cat, with huge ears and a tiny white bib on it’s fur. The tip of its tail had a tuft of flame a bit like a lion’s, which it wrapped gracefully over its feet.

“Well this is… awkward.” She said out loud, scratching the sleep rumbled mass of her curls. The cat meowed, it’s voice full of the odd echo she associated with hellhounds, but a bit quieter and higher pitched. Still, there was a very fierce growl somewhere in the layered tones, perhaps it wasn’t a completely lost cause.

“Hello there, fierce hellbeast, would you like to track down a dead beat client and put the fear of Hell into his cheapskate heart? I’ve got a juicy raw steak just waiting as a reward if you agree.”

The cat looked at her, blinking slowly, and then with an expression she was fairly certain was disdain, it began to wash one glowing paw, passing it over one large ear. Hellhounds were intelligent, if rather easily distracted, and could make bargains on their own if they were clear and concise. She’s never actually heard of anyone summoning a hellcat, but maybe they could to?

“Hmm… ok, is it the reward that’s the problem or the activity?” She asked, more to herself than the hellcat. The cat stopped licking it’s paw long enough to make an odd little “murp” sound, that was way cuter than it had any right to be. “How about I find some salmon instead of steak? Cut up in bit sized pieces?”

She liked cats. She’d had one for a familiar for a while, until a werewolf took it out. She’d had her revenge on the werewolf but sadly it didn’t bring back Lucky. She didn’t do undead pets, way too much upkeep. Still, one thing she remembered distinctly was how much he liked salmon, and how picky he was about presentation.

This time the cat showed a bit more interest. It stopped cleaning and wandered toward the edge of the summoning circle, stopping daintily at the edge of the enclosure before tilting it’s head, as if in inquiry.

“There’s a man named Edric Rogers and he owes me $1500. I need that money by tomorrow morning, and I need you to convince him that holding out would be very bad for his health. I need him alive and mostly undamaged so that I can get my money from him. The rest is up to you. When you finish the job, you get 16 ounces of raw salmon, cut up into bite sized pieces, and I’ll wait until you’re finished to send you back. Deal?”

The cat was quiet for a moment as if considering, then it gave another meow and nodded it’s head. She had either made an agreement, or she was about to fight a hellcat, but what the hell, she wanted her money. With one finger she crossed out the symbol for restraints and let the cat free. It sauntered out and made its glowing, fiery way to the door, looking at her expectantly to be let out.

Three days later she had a full bank account, a new coffee pot, a well scuffed summoning circle, and apparently a new glowing, fiery pet. No one ever mentioned that the reason you didn’t summon hellcats was because they didn’t ever leave.

This is so cute 😸

it doesn’t matter. you will still have fun baking a distastrous looking bread loaf. you will still have fun painting a technically bad painting. you will get happy brain chemicals dancing like a weirdo. be bad on purpose.

@flowernaut​ @theclockistickingwrite​

Process of Urban Jungle

…………………………..

Music was composed by video game and film composer Ryan Camus. 

http://www.ryancamus.com 

twitter: @ryancamus 

instagram: @rycamus

@flowernaut

On a job application: “What is your preferred name and gender, we value diversity, so be honest.” Me: 

I don’t know what this means.  I’ve never filled out a form that said that.

they’re asking you to disclose if you’re transgender. legally, they can’t ask or consider someone’s gender in hiring someone, so they get around it by giving you the option of telling them yourself. if you “volunteer” the information, that’s legal.

its like when they try to figure out if you’re poor by asking if you have “reliable transportation,” hoping that ppl will explain that they dont have a car without actually being asked. things like that.

its a scummy thing to do, especially in this case where theyre presenting it like a “diversity” thing.

^^^^ Never answer those questions honestly if you actually want the job.

My managers have personally told people that anyone who puts anything like that outside of just “male or female” gets their application tossed immediately. Btw if an interviewer asks if you have reliable transportation, don’t say anything but “yes I do” that’s it!!!!! Don’t say another word don’t say you take the bus or walk or bike or get rides or uber don’t say anything!!!!! Just say yes and that is it they cannot require any sort of proof of transportation.

Shit. I didn’t know that about transportation but I'mma start doing it now.

I just took a class where one of the things we had to go over was interviewing to hire. 

The entire process was super gross and made me feel scummy and unethical. SO!

Here is an article (that we used in class) that covers 30 Interview Questions Potential Employers are Not Allowed To Ask You (and what they might ask you instead). 

Be on the look out for any of these questions. 

fuck no wonder i havent gotten a job…

thanks.

my ancient greek history professor is making us post memes weekly. i swear to god

heres one for you

my time has come for hyperspecific classics memes

I…I need context. I’m gonna research all this shit one day.. If I remember after work

I understand most of these!

@wymanthewalrus

Dean gets a phone call from cas and reflex makes him panic because even though they’re not hunting anymore and cas is human he still assumes that a random phone call means that someone is kidnapped or dying but it’s just cas in his grumpy voice saying “dean. I can’t find the Taliaferro apples.” And deans like “Jesus fucking Christ sweetheart you almost gave me a heart attack. What was that about apples” and cas is like “taliaferro apples. I can’t find them at the grocery store. I had them in Virginia shortly after the revolutionary war. I remember them being extremely pleasant and I would like to try them without the hindrance of angelic taste interfering.”

And dean is like “okay let me ask sam.” So he hangs up and calls sam and the second sam picks up he’s like “sam we need to know where to get taliaferro apples. do your thing” and sam is like “Jesus fucking Christ dean you almost gave me a heart attack. What was that about apples” and dean tells him and sam sighs and googles ‘taliaferro apples’ and clicks on the first search result and is like. “Hey dean.” “Yeah sammy?” “You said taliaferro, right?” “Yup.” “Taliaferro, the exceedingly rare apple breed cultivated by Thomas jefferson that horticulturalists have been desperately searching for for decades?????*

And deans like “oh fuck. Talk to you later Sammy” and dean calls cas back and is like “okay bad news. They’re probably extinct and science guys have been on a wild goose chase looking for them for decades” and cas is quiet for a second and says “well, where are the scientists looking?”. And dean has to hang up and call Sam back and is like “Sammy where are the science guys looking for the fucking apples” and sam says “dean do I look like a search engine to you. Figure it out yourself” and anyways this is how sam, dean, cas, and eileen end up getting roped into a wacky zaney quest to find this possibly extinct genus of apple and probably uncover a horticultural conspiracy or something. Send tweet

TRANS AND NON-BINARY POETRY RECS:

What I really want to know is how rough, Melissa, by TC Tolbert (2021)

Time-Lapse Video of Trans Woman Collapsing Inward Like a Dying Star by Joshua Jennifer Espinoza (2020)

memories of the good daughter by Raquel Salas Rivera (2018)

Three Definitions of Crossdressing by Silas Denver Melvin (2020)

name/s by Andrea Abi-Karam

A Transition like a Mexican Telenovela by Caleb T. Estrada (2021)

On Examination/Dereliction by Torrin A. Greathouse (2020)

Song for the Kicked Out by Kay Ulanday Barrett (2012)

Glitter by Keaton St. James (2016)

un [naming] / trans (After Golden) by Angelic Proof (2021)

What Must Be by Khalil F. Jordache (1984)

Dream Ending in a Host of Angels Zipping Me into My Grandmother’s Dress by Bradley Trumpfheller (2019)

Publick Universal Friend Contends with Orthography & Meditates in an Emergency by Day Heisinger-Nixon

literally who CARES if straight cis men are wearing skirts for ‘clout’!!! I want to live in a world where being gnc is desirable to them rather than one where they make bigoted jokes about it. it’s GOOD that people with the privilege to do so are normalising gender non conformity and i dont give a shit if they have deliberate political intentions or if they’re just having fun you guys are all so annoying

we could be using the tiktok boys to kickstart a movement around men wearing skirts that would benefit gnc and trans people but you guys want ideological purity before u want results

When I was in middle school, way back in 1994, we had An Incident. A few popular boys dared each other to wear skirts to school on Monday. To, in their own words, “See what it was like to wear skirts, lol. Why shouldn’t we?”. It wasn’t anything fancy, they just pulled some long hippie skirts over their jeans in the bathroom and giggled their way to class.

I want to go back a bit here. It was 1994. There were no out gay people anywhere near our school. Certainly no trans people. A few celebrities on TV, sure, but mostly in jokes. And not everyone had access to MTV or cable. The internet didn’t exist for us. Only a few kids had ever even heard of Rocky Horror Picture Show, which would be my first brush with gender fuckery that came close to positive rep in the media. Our city and state had a measure on the ballot almost every year since the mid eighties attempting to criminalize even mentioning the word gay. AIDs was still a looming specter over everything. It was dangerous to be seen as gay or gender nonconforming.

So these boys. They weren’t trying to make a statement. They weren’t even making a gay joke. They just thought it wold be silly to wear skirts. They wanted to see what it felt like. They were experimenting. The teachers flipped out. The boys wear marched into the principle’s office, their parents called, they were sent home for the day, a school announcement was made about inappropriate clothing and being lewd in school. Again, long loose skirts over pants. “Skirts aren’t for you. It’s wrong for boys to wear skirts. Stay in your straight boy box”. In response we, the students, responded with “Fuck the police!”.

2 Days later about 2/3 of boys showed up in skirts, jewelry, and makeup. No girls wore skirts, makeup, or jewelry. Some girls drew mustaches and wore suits. It began as just a anti-authoritarian response to what we saw as a ridiculous over reaction to boys in skirts, but the more we thought about it the more upset we got. Why couldn’t they wear skirts any time they wanted??? Why shouldn’t they paint their nails??? What if they did it all the time??? Yeah maybe some of them did like other boys, so what??? Maybe some of the girls in school never wanted to wear skirts or makeup, didn’t like their boobs, and/or didn’t like boys??? MAYBE IT WAS ALL BULLSHIT

In about a week a large number of us had become queer advocates without even knowing what that was. And in the face of that many kids, the school didn’t know what to do. Send us all home? We had several days of no free periods allowed, no recess time, lunch was for eating and quiet contemplation. Parents were called and warnings mailed that school dress codes were being updated. Unfortunately for school policy enough parents also thought that enforcing the gender binary was ridiculous that meetings had to be held. And some of the wealthier parents rolled up with lawyers ready to argue that Timmy had every right to wear a long skirt, and you couldn’t suspend Alice because she’d buzzed her hair on Thursday and started wearing mens suit pants and jackets. So it was dropped mostly. Skirts couldn’t be above the knee, no spaghetti straps, no drawing on your face - regardless of gender. But the air had changed.

Most kids went back to wearing whatever they had before. But, several boys continued painting their nails, grew out their hair, and occasionally wore skirts. Several girls chopped their hair off and wore “boys” clothing. One person, and this was literally unheard of, asked their friends to stop calling them Bridgett and call them Brandon. And they did. I lost track of most of the students, this town isn’t that small, but I know some of them came out as queer later in life. I can’t say that incident was a turning point for them, but it was for me.

It started as boys being silly. But at least 2 of those initial boys ended up wearing skirts and makeup regularly after that well into high school, and not as a joke. If they’d been shouted down? If other kids hadn’t said, “You know what? Good for you!” I hope they still would have been able to come out, but it probably wouldn’t have been as easy.

And yes, it did start as a joke. But the response is what matters here. It wasn’t treated as a joke. It was met with anger. Then acceptance. And it made a positive difference.

So, I see people upset that “straight cis” people aren’t wearing clothes correctly and… Y'all. I just see another instance of some kids playing with ideas and experimenting, pushing the boundaries. And being met with anger. And told to get back in their gender appropriate box.

“Well well well what if they mean it as a joke???” Tell them they look good and should wear skirts more often, if they want to. Tell them that yellow isn’t their color, but they’d look great in green. Tell them that if they get thigh chaffing to try bike shorts underneath. If you can’t handle that, don’t say anything. Block them and move on. If they’re assholes, block them and move on. But don’t tell them they can’t wear clothing because they haven’t labeled themselves correctly.

You can’t say you support queer rights and gender nonconformity and then get pissy when people don’t wear pants/skirts in narrow ways you like.

Stop trying to validate yourself by pushing down other people.

(I’m using pronouns for people that were used when I last knew them, since I have no way of knowing if they’ve changed)

EDIT: I do know this situation is specific. It wouldn’t have happened the same at some of the other schools in town. Families trended more liberal, and the popular kids were mostly wealthier. So, we all had adults saying, “gays aren’t evil but also not encouraged, but you can’t say you don’t encourage them”. The parental support was mostly of a “don’t tell my kid what to do” liberal posturing. Very few of the parents actually supported their kid being queer at the time. Brandon changing their name was a secret. We, the students radicalized ourselves on accident, but no one actually came out until years later. Our supporting each other to wear whatever we wanted, joke or not, was influential in coming out though. (my parents basically asked if I wanted to buy a suit to wear to school, also did I want to form a picket line. I did not, but appreciated the idea. Mom told one of the boys he looked very pretty when he wore a dress to graduation. Which was another Incident, and also very funny because they couldn’t punish him at all by then)

Been making some new cards for my Redbubble

@flowernaut

Flavor is your friend in fifth edition as a player. Just how you describe the appearance of what you do can define major aspects of your character. Playing a warlock who uses their fists to attack? Why not just cast Eldritch Blast and flavor it as you imbue your fists with arcane energy to attack? Heck you can make multiple attacks this way due to multiple beams. Someone is gonna say in the notes how would you punch an enemy 30 feet away as per the range of Eldritch Blast? Use your imagination! Maybe you launch energy spectres of your fists or perhaps the power of your strikes are so great that the aftershocks reach that far! Sure spells and stuff have set descriptions of their appearance but why let that stop you! I say make these things your own as you are in fact the person using them. Make Fireball one of the trademark spells a literal sun! That rather than exploding just temporarily envelops the radius of the spell!

I 100% thought this post was referring to flavor (as in taste), not flavor (as in changing details without changing mechanics), so the first time I read it, I thought it was advocating for flavor blasting the taste buds of your enemies with Eldritch Blast for 1d10 taste damage.

Alright everybody pack your bags, this is the best interpretation of this post!

Otherworldly Patron:

Chester Cheetah

Flavor blast your foes!

@wymanthewalrus

is there anything, any single thing, cuter than when a sleepy cat heaves their whole entire body into a sigh,

sleepy cat kneading kind of half heartedly but absolutely refusing to stop

uh huh uh huh what about sleepy cat waking up just long enough to realize your foot/arm/side/neck is right there and sort of half consciously moving to snuggle up to it, doing that thing where they’re curled in a ball but still also showing their tummy

a ha! but consider, sleepy cat snuggling up with you and then reaching out a single paw specifically to hold your hand, and then dragging it back and cuddling it like a teddy bear

you make a good point, however, have you considered the moment when a cat sort of headbutt-burrows itself under your arm, pressing its little tiny head up against you and under you like it is almost trying to cuddle so much that you merge

i see your point and it is a fine one, however, what about when it’s cold and you’re wearing a baggy jacket and your sleepy cat paws their way inside and falls asleep purring against your heart

once again, a solid rebuttal! however, might i suggest when your cat is snuggling with you and purring and yet also falling asleep and is struggling to keep purring while also sleeping and so the purr fades and then comes back and then fades again

“this is like, the oldest mountain goats song in existence”

I will never bleed like I used to bleed again I can’t bleed like normal men

hnc (human non-conforming)