I HAVE A DREAM (PART 18)
( San Ending )
Kim Hongjoong Fanfic
Warning: Angst. Cheating. Heartbreak. Cursing. Fluff.
Alas we are on the Finale of I Have A Dream!!! I honestly loved writing this story so much and I’m incredibly happy and thankful that people actually took time to read it so this final chapter goes out to everyone who has liked, shared or read in general I Have A Dream ❤️ Without further ado I hope you guys enjoy the option of choosing your own ending, I hope you guys enjoyed I Have A Dream. With much love Lizzie x 🥰❤️
Taking care of a 3 week old baby was sure a hard task, the loud wails of the little one resonating around the dimly lit apartment. Y/N was glad that Youngji decided to stay over at his friends house, or else she knew he would have a hard time falling asleep with Jongho making so much noise. It's not that Youngji minded, if anything he would be the first one up in the middle of the night feeding Jongho if Y/N was too tired, he would also help change him if Y/N was busy with something else.
Y/N was extremely grateful for her brother, Youngji always cuddling Jongho the best he could, also taking great care of Y/N when she felt like the constant hours of sleep she lost where taking a tool on her body. Youngji loved his sister very much, he also loved his nephew Jongho as well, but even he felt like he was doing so little to help her.
So he took matter into his own hands and requested help from someone he knew would never think about saying no, especially when it came to his sister and the recent family addition. San was more than willing to help Y/N around the apartment, constantly dotting over her and Jongho if they ever needed something. He didn't seem to mind either, helping Y/N with Jongho with a big smile on his face, Youngji swears he even heard San whispers Dad of the year to himself while he was carefully changing Jongho's dirty onesie.
Y/N felt like they were doing too much, the guys constantly following right behind her, eager to help and it made her feel like she was taking advantage of San's sweet nature and her brother's overprotective actions. She wanted to learn and grow as a mother by herself, but now more than ever did she miss the extra pair of hands helping lull Jongho to sleep.
The circular clock hanging over the kitchen entrance read 2:47 AM, Jongho first started crying around 12. It was nearing the third hour and Y/N had only managed to subside his desperate cries just a little. She had tried everything she could think of, he wasn't hungry as he rejected being breastfed, he also didn't need a diaper change as Y/N had checked more than 3 times.
Y/N could slowly feel herself crack as the minutes ticked by, swaying her body and humming under her breath to help Jongho sleep but he just kept on crying. " Please baby... Just go to sleep! I dont know what's wrong.." Y/N whispered to Jongho, feeling tears well up in her sunken eyes as she struggled to help her baby calm down.
The sudden knock on the door snapped her attention from her crying new born, anxiety shooting off the roof when she thinks about her brother's neighbors coming over and complaining about the noise. Walking up to the door with a crying baby in her arms, Y/N begins to give herself a little pep talk, fully preparing herself to see her brother's angry bald neighbor in his pijamas screaming at her for the noise.
Opening the door, she expected the bald neighbor to start complaining but to her surprised a panting, what appered to be a freshly showered San was hunched right in front of her at 3 in the morning. Y/N gaped at him as he quickly stood straight and walked into the apartment, closing the door behind him then turning back towards Y/N, greeting her with a sheepish smile.
" Wha.. What are you doing here..?" Y/N questions, standing there with a dumbstruck look on her face. " Youngji texted me saying that you might be having some trouble putting Jongho to sleep so I decided to come and help." San explains, as if its the most simple thing in the world for him to appear in the middle of the night, especially when he was an idol. " Why do you say that so casually?! Won't you get in trouble with the manager? What about your schedule for tomorrow! You need to go back!" She begins to panic, causing Jongho's cries to grow in volume again.
San then takes a moment to actually study Y/N closely, her pijamas wrinkled as if she got out of bed in a rush, face pale and eyes sucken with dark bags under them to show the lack of sleep she has been getting. Walking up to her, he gently takes Jongho out of Y/N's arms and then takes one of her hands, leading them towards Y/N's room where Jongho's crib is placed. Y/N can't help but gasp out in surprise, the moment Jongho was taken from her arms and placed on San's muscular ones Jongho loud cries had gone down from loud wailing to quiet whimpers.
" How did you...?" She begins to question before her voice dies off, Jongho now completely quiet as he continues to snuggle in San's arms. " I don't know how you do that." She sighs out, throwing herself on her bed and letting San deal with Jongho as he seems to be doing better than her.
" Do what? Get him to quiet down?" He questions, Y/N humming back at him in response. " I really don't know.. Maybe we formed a bond the minute he was born." He smugly says, causing Y/N to snort out in annoyence. " I'm his mother and I can't even get him to sleep, what kind of mother can't even put her baby to sleep." Y/N whispers out, face twisted in a frown when she talks about her lack of knowledge on her own flesh and blood.
San seems to notice her negative attitude towards herself, sitting himself down by Y/N's head, bringing his hand up and flicking her forehead. Y/N jumps up, bringing her hands up and wincing in pain as she begins to rub the red spot appering on her skin. " What was that for!!!" Y/N harshly whispers at him, glaring at him for his sudden action. " You don't give yourself enough credit." San tells her, Y/N saying huh in confusion.
" There's so many things that you do for this little guy. He finds so much comfort in you and you don’t seem to notice just how much you do for him. You're not a bad mother just because you can't seem to get him to sleep, it'll happen once in a while." San finishes off, patting Y/N's head as she listens to San compliment her. " How do you know what to say too! Like I swear it's like we've been together for years." Y/N whines out, causing San to blush at her words though she doesn't seem to notice as her eyes begin to drop.
" Go to sleep idiot, I can tell Jongho has been keeping you up and it's not healthy to deprive yourself of sleep." He says, getting up from the bed and pulling the covers off so that Y/N can slip in easier. " What about you? I can't just leave you to deal with Jongho all by yourself." Y/N slurs out, already feeling herself falling into a deep sleep.
" I'll wait till he's completely asleep, and then head out. Don't worry, I don't mind taking care of him at all." He says, although he doesn't think Y/N caught all of it as she seems to be out like light before he's able to finish talking. Shaking his head, he lets out a chuckle and turns his attention to Jongho currently knocked out on his chest. " You and your mommy are just alike huh? But still.. I wouldn't have it any other way." He whispers to Jongho, placing a small kiss on the baby's peach fuzz head.
Walking up to the crib next to the bed, he carefully places Jongho inside it then waits a couple minutes in case he suddenly wakes up crying. Once he knows that Jongho is not going to wake up, he walks towards Y/N and makes sure that she is comfortably tucked in. He softly tucks away some hairs behind her ear, showing her content expression, he feels his stomach burst with billions of butterflies. A loving smile appears on his face without him noticing, leaning down and placing a kiss on her forehead. " You are a great mother, but on the day's where everyhting doens't seem to work out.. I'll be there to pick you up." He whispers out, staring at Y/N for a couple more seconds before finally walkingout the room and towards the entrance, making usre that the door is properly locked he leaves the apartment with a happy smile on his face.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Loud screaming coming from the hallway outside of San's and Yunho's room wakes him up, an annoyed expression coming upon his face when he realizes that it's Wooyoung and Mingi that are screaming their lungs out. Turning over his bed, he squints his eyes against the sunlight pouring in through the windows of his room. He can't really tell what time it is, so he decides to check his phone, the device laying on the floor next to his bed.
Grabbing the fully charged phone, he notices a message from his manager on their group chat, Hongjoong and Seonghwa having answered for the rest of the guys. No practice today, day off. Please, if you plan to go out wear face masks. Don't burn the dorm down and don't kill each other. We need everyone present for schedule. It reads, the rest of the guys apperantly already knowing from how loud they are at 8 in the morning.
Letting out a groan, San begins to wiggle himself out the bed before finally feeling his body drop on the cold wood floor. The covers that dropped on top of his body helping him feel some warmth as the bitter cold of the floor seeps into his pijama covered body. He stays on the floor for a couple minutes, listening to all the ruckus going on behind the bedroom door, occasionaly hearing Yeosang’s soft spoken voice and Seonghwa's scolding coming from further in the dorm towards the kitchen area.
Finally after what seems like an eternity, San reaches into the drawer next to his bed and begins to take out an outfit for the day, not sure if he should go for classy or more casual. He thinks about the various options he has to choose from, what's the point of dressing classy if I'm not doing anything big today. He thinks, moving aside various pairs of jeans and instead taking out a pair of joggers, along with a random t-shirt.
Standing up, he walks up Yunho's side of the room and takes his hat hanging from a hook connected to the wall. Quickly getting dressed, he walks up to the door and throws it open, standing face to face with Wooyoung and Mingi as they seem to stop their fighting. " Seonghwa-Hyung send us to wake you up but since you are already up then we should tell you that he plans on giving Yunho your breakfast if you don't hurry up." Mingi says, pushing Wooyoung's face away when the dancer begins to tickle the friendly giant.
Knowing that Seonghwa doesn't bluff, San pushes through them and runs towards the kitchen screaming Yunho's name as he sees the other giant taking small pieces from San's food. Running up to the middle island, he quickly snatches the bowl of food away from Yunho's prying hands, glaring at him when he notices that he was almost halfway done with the bowl. Grumbling under his breath, he begins to eat what is left of his food, missing the look of amusement Seonghwa is giving him, his lean but built body leaning against the kitchen countertop.
" What are you doing today?" Seonghwa asks San as he continues to wolf down his food, scrunching up his face in disgust from the way San seems to swallow his food all at once. San stays quiet for a couple seconds, giving Seonghwa's questions some thought. Where should I go today? Maybe I can go to the mall with some of the guys? But I want to see Y/N and Jongho again.. Last night was way to short, and I didn't even get to play with Jongho. San thinks to himself, so many things he could do today or how many hours of sleep he could finally get, all of them sounding amazing, but in the end it all comes down to one thing (or in his case 2 people).
" I'm gonna hang out with Y/N today." He says, struggling to get the words out with all the food stuffed inside his mouth. " Swallow your food before you choke, and didn't you see Y/N last night when we got out of pratice?" Seonghwa asks him, turning around and beginning to wash the mountain of dishes they used to make eachother breakfast that morning. Getting up from his chair, San scarffs down the last of his food before putting the plate in the sink, giving Seonghwa a sheepish smile when the older male gives him a nasty glare. " Barely, Jongho was up all night apperently and she couldn't put him to sleep, so I helped her and then a couple minutes after she fell asleep so I didn't really get to talk to her." Explains San, taking a glass cup from the cabinet over his head and filling it with the last bit of orange juice some of the guys left out.
" Poor Y/N, I can tell she's having a hard time adjusting to being a mother, but I'm glad you and Youngji are doing your best to help her." Yunho butts in, walking up to San and taking his glass from him, Seonghwa hums in agreement. " Yeah I agree with you. So If you are visiting Y/N, Don't forget to wear a face mask so people don’t recognize you and tell Y/N that we'll all visit her soon when we have another day off." Seonghwa says, taking the empty glass from Yunho and washing it before they decide to leave it there throughout the rest of the day.
Giving Seonghwa a thumbs up, San runs to his shared room and throws the door open, yelping in surprise when he notices Wooyoung chilling on his bed. " Hey Sannie! What are you doing today? I wanted to buy some new shoes but I don't want to go alone." Wooyoung says, taking one of San's plushies and hugging it close to himself as he watches San take out a pair of socks and shoving them on his feet. " Hey Woo, I actually have plans already. I'm gonna go see Y/N and Jongho since it was way too late last night and they were both tired." San tells him, walking over to his bed and grabbing his bookbag where his wallet and dorm keys are stashed away.
" That's cool, I'll probably ask Yeosang to come with me instead. Also I see you are climbing up the ladder slowly, but surely am I right." Wooyoung teases, giggling to himself as he sees the deadpan look San give him in return. " You deserve to get your phone thrown out the window for saying that." San mumbles out, busying himself with other things as he tries to ignore Wooyoung’s loud squeaky laugh.
" I'm just joking around! Plus what I said was true. I see that you are trying your hardest to get her to like you, and no offense with how much you are doing for her, it'll be pretty bogus if she doesn't choose you in the end." Wooyoung tells him, causing San to stop in his tracks and sigh out. " Whoever she chooses in the end, either way it won't stop me from loving her and doing whatever I can to get her to realize that I can treat her so much better." San finishes off, walking back to the door and exiting with a small wave directed to his loud but nonetheless amazing friend.
He hears Wooyoung yell out a goodbye, snickering to himself when he hears the oldest of the dorm scream at him to shut up. As he walks up to the main entrance he feels the piercing gaze of someone in the living room, chills crepping up his spine when the feeling of being stared at doesn't go away. Turning towards the living room entryway he scans his eyes around the area, his sharp eyes landing on Ateez's leader. The male staring at San with an unreadable expression on his face, fidgeting in his seat as if he is ready to jump off the couch any minute.
Deciding to ignore him, San walks up to the shoe rack and grabs his worn out adidas shoes, slipping them on without a hassle before grabbing his jacket and slipping it on. Digging in his pockets he takes out a black face mask and slips it on, arm reaching towards the handle before a very distraught voice screams out his name causing him to stop in his tracks. Turning around, the last thing he expects to see is a shaking Hongjoong deeply bowing his head to him, face practically almost touching the floor from how deeply he is bowing.
San stares at him in shock, turning towards the rest of the guys as they seemed to gone quiet the moment Hongjoong screamed San's name. He gives them a confused look, the guys shrugging their shoulders letting him know that they also don't know what's going on. " Uhhh... What are you doing?" Questions San, yelping out when Hongjoong suddenly stands back up rapidly. " Please take good care of them." Hongjoong's voice resonates throughout the dorm, everyone else quiet as they watch the scene in front of them.
San is about to question him, but instead gets cut off by Hongjoong's trembling voice. " Y/N and Jongho. I know my chance with Y/N ended when I decided to cheat, so I ask you to please take care of them for me. Jongho needs a good father to raise him, and Y/N needs a good man who will love her better than I could. That man is you." Hongjoong finishes off, harshly wiping away tears from his face as he holds intense eye contact with San. Walking up to him, San pulls Hongjoong in for a hug surprising not only the male currently being forced in a hug but the rest of the guys watching them from the living room and the hallway.
" Y/N already sees you as Jongho's father so don't give me all the credit. I will take good care of them, so you don't need to worry." San says, pulling away from him and patting him on the shoulder, Hongjoong giving him a small smile in thanks. Again turning around, he makes his way over to the door and opens it, yelling out a goodbye to the rest of the guys.
The walk to Youngji's apartment doesn't last that long, and before he knows it, he is standing in front of the same door he was standing in front of just last night. Knocking on it, he waits a couple minutes before the door creaks open, Y/N standing on the other side of it seemingly more awake than last night. They greet each other warmly, Y/N fully opening the door to let the idol in and then quickly closing it so that none of Youngji's neighbors come out of their apartments and try sneaking a look into her brothers.
" Where's Youngji? I noticed he wasn't here last night as well." San questions, walking up to the Jongho's cradling bouncer and picking him up, the new born snuggling onto his warm chest without a fuss. " He stayed at a friends house last night since he got out work late and he didn't want to risk waking Jongho up but as you can tell from last night, he wasn't exactly sleeping." Y/N answers back from her room, voice sounding muffled due to her room being all the way down the hall. She comes back dressed in a pair of black leggings and a loose maroon blouse, cooing to herself when she sees Jongho snuggling San's chest.
They both stand together in silence, Y/N drinking water from a glass cup while staring at San and her baby, San staring at Jongho with a loving look. Sensing her staring, San lifts up his head and stares right back at Y/N causing her to squeak in embarassment. She turns her head away, blushing bright red when she hears San let out a deep chuckle causing Jongho to wake up from his little nap. Y/N prepares herself for the loud cries of her baby to pierce the quiet setting of the apartment but instead stares in awe when she notices that he instead stares at San in wonder.
San makes faces at the baby, causing him to let out little giggles in amusement. Y/N can help but silently swoon at the sight in front of her, she can't help but think that San would make a great father someday. With that thought, her mind begins to drift to various other scenarios of which include San with his own child or better yet, Jongho calling him dad. She thinks back to that day in the hospital when Hongjoong called her out on her feelings for San, and she won't lie that what he said isn't true because it is. Ever since that day when Y/N found San on the dirt road with a sprained ankle, she began to develop feelings for the dimpled man.
All those times he would help her carry bags, bodies brushing against each other causing Y/N's heart rate to spike. She blamed it all on the pregnancy hormones but after her talk with Hongjoong she finally got some time to sit down and think, I really do like him. She is afraid though, the thought of being in a relationship scares her. What if he doesn't feel the same way? What if he decides to leave me for someone better? I can't even begin to imagine the pain I would feel if that were to happen again, and now I have a child. I can't be weak! I have to be strong for my baby. She thinks, turning her body away from the scene in front of her so that San won't be able to see her unhappy expression.
San seemed to sense her sudden attitude change, puts Jongho back on his bouncer then walks up to Y/N taking her soft hands in his own. " What's wrong?" He asks her, grabbing her chin and turning her face towards his so that she'll look at him instead. Knowing that she can't lie to save her life, she decided to fess up sighing out when she thinks about what he'll say to her.
" Do you... Do you think I could ever get back in a relationship with someone? Like do you think someone would be willing to date a single mother?" She questions, keeping her eyes down so that he won't see the doubt swimming in her eyes. " Who wouldn't want to be in a relationship with you? You are so amazing Y/N and you fail to see that, If someone doesn't want to be with you because you have an adorable, incredible baby then it's their loss!" San tells her, making sure to keep eye contact with her so she knows that he's telling the truth.
They stare into each others eyes for what seems like an eternity, both of them flushing in embarressment when they notice just how close their faces were. " You once told me you had a dream to have a family of your own. A loving husband and two kids that you could spoil the heck out of. Don't let that dream leave your mind just because Hongjoong cheated on you, It was his mistake not yours. Anyone would be lucky to have you.. I would be lucky to have you.." San whispers out the last bit, avoiding eye contact with Y/N as he rubs the back of his neck in nervousness.
He whips his head towards Y/N when her hears her let out a gasp, knowing that she probably heard what he said last. Y/N feels her head start to spin, body warming up when she replays San's words in her head, Don't let Hongjoong's actions affect your future Y/N! It's now or never! Y/N thinks to herself, fist curling up causing her knuckles to turn white.
" I.... I LIKE YOU SAN..." Y/N says, walking away right after so that if San rejects her she won't be able to see it. She failed to see the blush covering San's entire face, his ears and cheeks burning up from the shock and disbelief he was experiencing in that moment. He feels the way his heart is rapidly racing and he hopes that Y/N isn't able to hear how loud it is, but as he turns around he sees that she's distractic herself with Jongho, checking his diaper in case he needed to be changed even thought she had chaged him an hour ago.
He studies her for a couple seconds to see if what she said is true, and from the way she's acting extremely shy he can at least begin to think that YN might like him back. He begins to laugh quietly to himself, Y/N staring at him with wide eyes as his laughing progressively grows louder. Scurrying over to Y/N he pullls her in for a hug, Y/N having to steady herself as she's pratically lifted off the floor.
She feels San's big grin from where he shoved his face between her neck, letting out various giggles as he swings Y/N around making sure that he doesn't hurt her or Jongho by accident. " Do you mean it..?" He whispers out, placing Y/N back down on the ground and putting his hands on her waist as he waits for her to answer him. " I.. I do., I found out a couple days after I left the hospital. I was just to scared to tell you." She says, keeping eye contact with him as best as she can without getting flustered. " You don't have to be scared.. I won't ever hurt you or Jongho, I'll get the guys to beat me up if I ever do." San laughs out, reaching forwards and tucking some hairs behind Y/N's ear as he continues to gaze lovingly at her. " So does this mean you'll give me a chance..?" He continues, nervously playing with her hair as she looks between him and Jongho napping a couple feet away.
She remains quiet for a couple seconds before a smile begins to appear on her face, growing wider and wider as her grip around San grows tighter. ".. Yes.." She whispers out, bringing San in for a small kiss, pulling away when they hear Jongho begin to whine from the lack of attention. They both giggle out, San reaching down and placing another short kiss on Y/N's soft lips before pulling away and attending to his baby.
1 year and a couple months later....
San wakes to a sudden disturbance on the bed, quiet giggling following the sudden movements coming from the right side of the bed, where Y/N usually sleeps. Pulling the covers away from his face, he peeks his eyes over the side of the bed, spotting a small toddler trying to jump on the bed. Throwing the covers away from him, he quickly reaches his arms over and picks up the squealing toddler, throwing himself back into the warm bed with a giggling boy in his arms.
" Where's mommy?" San asks Jongho as he begins to tickle the squirming toddler, Jongho pointing at the hallway leading up to the main area of the apartment. Getting up from the bed, he scoops Jongho into his arms and exits the main room, making faces at Jongho as he walks towards the kitchen where Y/N is currently making breakfast. Putting Jongho down, the toddler runs up to his toys spraddled all over the living room floor. He walks up to an oblivious Y/N, swaying to a tune she's humming as she continues to cook some eggs and pancakes for breakfast.
He snakes his hands on her waist, pulling her up to his body as he gives her exposed shoulder a kiss. He feels Y/N jump and then shudder, the feeling of his lips on her exposed skin leaving goosebumps in its wake. Turning around Y/N slips her arms over his neck, hugging San close to her as he begins to pepper her face with kisses, they both turn their attention to Jongho when he screams out at them. Jongho runs up to San and begins to jump up and down, pounting his lips from the lack of attention he is getting.
Pulling away from Y/N, San leans down and picks up a whining Jongho, attacking him with kisses as well. Jongho begins to giggle again, throwing his hands up and pushing San's face away from his. " No daddy!" The toddler screams out, San's heart swelling with love when he hears Jongho call him dad. " Let's eat breakfast buddy." San tells him, walking up to the dining chair and placing Jongho in it.
He walks up to one of the cabinets and takes out two ceramic plates and a colorful plactic plate for Jongho, walking up to the stove and placing the food on the plates. He watches as Y/N fills up two glasses with orange juice, then filling Jongho's sippy cup with warm milk, the toddler greedily sipping from it. Both adults sit down to eat as well, San keeping close watch on Y/N as she begins to eat slowly. " Do you think it's a stomach bug? We did eat sushi the other day and I swear it tasted funny." San tells her, worried for his girlfriend who has been throwing up for the past week.
" Actually I know what it is." Y/N mumbles out, picking at her food as San looks at her in confusion. " Why don't you go check the drawer next to our bed. I have something for you in there." She tells him, watching as San hesitantly gets up and makes him way back to their shared bedroom. Y/N busy's herself with cleaning the food all over Jongho's face before hearing a shout come from their bedroom.
Thundering footsteps run back to the kitchen, San popping out from the corner holding 4 sticks in his hand. His face shows pure shock, mouth opening and closing like a fish, Jongho pointing at him and giggling in amusement. " Are you playing with me?!" San asks her, walking up to her and shoving the sticks on her face, she gives him a small smile and shakes her head. " I have an appointment next week to make sure, but no I'm not playing with you." Y/N tells him, taking the pregnancy tests from his hands and placing them on the kitchen counter.
" You're pregnant.." San breathes out, pulling Y/N towards him and placing one of his hands on her flat belly. Y/N nods at him, San finally letting his excitement show as he practically starts to jump around the kitchen. He hears Y/N and Jongho giggling together and he immediately turns towards the toddler and picks him up, spinning him around with him while telling him " You're gonna be a big brother Jongho! You're gonna have a brother or a sister." San excitedly tells him, Jongho cheering out even though he doesn't know what going on.
Walking up to Y/N he pulls her for a hug, Jongho stuck in the middle enjoying the hug both parents are giving him.
" Thank you.. Thank you for making me a father again, I love you." San whispers out, pulling in Y/N for a kiss placing a kiss on Jongho's head when he whines out. Y/N giggles to herself, giving Jongho a kiss as well then pulling San in for another.
" I love you.. I love our little family." She tells him, tearing up when she thinks about having another baby with San. San beams at her in return, content with life as he thinks to himself.
She had a dream to have a family of her own, A loving husband and two kids that she can spoils to no ends, and even though we are not married yet, I plan on making her mine forever soon. He thinks back to the velvet box carefully hidden under all his clothes. He can't wait to marry this girl, and live together in their own little house.
Their own little family...
