A Whole New World

This man knows how to sell a car

Added some info because people were either curious or didn’t get it? I mean, I’m 7,000 notes too late to fix stuff since my comment “The twist is they are all dragons” was removed somewhere in the chain. I just really want people to laugh AND learn, ya know? DRAGONS!!

@goodbyeomelas

The last one is totally Trogdor though

(via r/justneckbeardthings)

(via)

so earlier i remembered how during one philosophy class, my professor asked us all to consider what we would do if we could be invisible for a day, because (as she would reveal to us later) she wanted to prove a point about observed accountability and situational morality. we all wrote down our answers, submitted them anonymously, and the prof read them back to us. about 95% of them were like “prank people”, “rob a bank”, “get in places for free”, “scare my best friend”, “spy on someone”, “sneak into closed off areas”, etc.

prof. read them all aloud so she could demonstrate how virtually everybody chose something they couldn’t morally or socially get away with if they were witnessed, and she was looking awfully entertained about how quickly the class proved her point until she got to one that just said “go swimming in the ocean.” 

she stopped, read it again, and after a short period of confused silence a girl piped up very earnestly from the class “because the sharks wouldn’t be able to see me.” 

i’m having a great time reading how people would want to live a day invisibly because we got the Relatables™:

the real forward thinkers: 

and then whatever the hell this is:

I’m so mad because this worked

help me roger

Reblogging myself because

Originally posted by gifs-for-the-masses

Reblogging myself because… what was that? Five minutes?

O_O

………my friend has made me curious

help me roger

Update: after I reblogged this someone messaged me offering me tickets to the sold out Hausu screening with a Q&A and autograph session with the director

These never work for me, but here’s to trying.

Eh Roger is cute I might as well

That fish is so happy it makes me happy.

Reblogging myself because I reblogged this yesterday and got promoted today!

oh what the hell…lol.

this is important

This anatomy test tomorrow lol

Why not!? I got nothing to lose

Roger a cute

THIS WAS A CHILDRENS MOVIE

A CHILDRENS BIBLE MOVIE

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Amen

FUN FACT: in hebrew, “feet” is a euphemism for genitals.

so if you ever see “washing feet” in the bible, it, uh. yeah.

(source is my old bible class textbook which i don’t have on me anymore :( )

HOLY SHIT WHAT

I MEAN CORRECT ME IF IM WRONG BUT I SWEAR TO GOD I REMEMBER READING A STORY IN THE BIBLE WHERE JESUS CLEANED THE ‘FEET’ OF A LADY PROSTITUTE INFRONT OF HIS TWELVE DISCIPLES WHO GOT SERIOUSLY GROSSED OUT. THEM GETTING REALLY SUPER GROSSED OUT BY THAT NEVER MADE SENSE TO ME UNTIL NOW.

JESUS CHRIST JESUS.

YOU NASTY.

#WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN JESUS IS THE ONE WHO NEEDS JESUS

THAT HASHTAG I”m—-—

Plot Twist: The Bible is full of blowjobs

and they say homosexuality is sin.

Time for Bible Lessons With An Ex-Fundie Because All Of This is Wrong!!

The feet-washing custom was exactly what it sounded like. You come into a house in the Roman era Middle East after walking around in your sandals and shit and your host offers to wash your feet with a bowl and a towel and some perfume if we’re REAL fancy. It was a hospitality custom.

And the story isn’t about Jesus washing the feet of a prostitute, the prostitute in the story washed Jesus’s feet while he was a guest in someone’s house. She heard he was there, got super fucking emotional (the Bible says she was repenting of her sins but I like to think that she was a super huge fan) busted in the door with a vial of incredibly expensive perfume, and cried over his feet to wash them and dumped perfume over them AND DRIED THEM WITH HER HAIR, which was over-doing it to the max but hey, I won’t judge a Middle Eastern hooker’s foot fetish if she doesn’t judge me

So the guy who was hosting Jesus (Simon, a Pharisee) was sitting there like “what the fuck” and thinking to himself “if Jesus had ANY idea who this bitch is he’d drag her crusty ass” and then Jesus, using his telepathy Jesus powers, goes

YO I HEARD THAT, SIMON

YOU NEED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP BECAUSE WHEN I CAME INTO YOUR HOUSE YOU DIDN’T OFFER ME SHIT

NOT EVEN A MOIST TOWELETTE FOR MY FEET

AND THIS WOMAN IS A LOVELY LADY AND SHE HAS DONE BETTER BY ME THAN YOU HAVE SO SIT THE FUCK DOWN

and also that hooker wound up being the sister of Lazarus

you know, that guy Jesus raised from the dead

moral of the story: if you wash a homeless middle eastern guy’s feet with your hair and drench them in Dolce and Gabbana he’ll return the favor and resurrect your brother

After so long, now, NOW I can reblog this post

Smart and lazy is a horrible combination that results in disappointed teachers, exasperated friends and a whole lot of bad doodling

Oh shit this was literally me in school

Don’t forget those angry parents and half finished homework assignments crumpled in your binders

Im smart and tired I want to do good but i dont feel like trying anymore

It took many years for me to realize that what I thought was laziness was struggles with depression and anxiety. If this describes you, please reevaluate your mental health, you might need it.

OH MY GOODNESSSS

You should share this for people in DC and close to you!!

Black Community we have to be careful. Protect our Girls! Spread this! 

IMPORTANT!!!!

Signal Boost! 

“because a 16 year old girl who had her first orgasm whilst getting raped, had to watch her 34 year old rapist go free because she had an orgasm.

because when one of my guy friends told me and some friends he got raped by a woman when he was 12, a “friend” laughed at him and told him he should be happy he got laid that young.

because my 17 year old friend’s parents let her 14 year old brother roam the streets until 12am, but she has to be home by 10.

Because my brothers girlfriend, told the police she was raped and fell pregnant but the rapist didn’t get jail time as she got an abortion and the ‘evidence’ was gone.

because a guy from my old school was raped by another guy, but because he’s gay, they said it wasn’t considered rape.

because a 19 year old lesbian got raped by a guy, and he didn’t go to prison because he said “he only tried to turn her straight so she would be accepted by her parents”.

because in some cultures, girls (and boys, of course) still get thrown out of the family because somebody sexually assaulted them.

because they’re still teaching girls to walk faster at night instead of teaching boys that they shouldn’t rape.

Because they’re teaching kids that they’re only male rapists and not female rapists too.

because I have to explain why rape makes me mad.“

If you excuse rape for any reason stay the fuck away from me because you are literally a peice of human refuse.

Great movie ≠ disney.

gifs aren’t mine.

Whilst in Sydney in 1994, a man apparently tries to assassinate Prince Charles. And not a single fuck was given by His Royal Highness.

(x)

I’m dead at his face in the last one like “Did you even try?”

And then when he gets pushed he’s like “Wait no let him try!”

his composure is just everything I aspire to be

OMG IT’S BACK!

CHARLES IS THE BEST OMG

Like how he stands there as if, “Okay, I’ll be perfectly still and we’ll see if you can hit me this time. Come on, it is like I’m giving you a head start.” He’s more annoyed with his cuff link than the wanna be assassin.

FOREVER REBLOGGING THIS.

THIS is how you deal with terrorists

Even if you go down you did it with dignity.

You all do know who his mother is right? You know the woman who stayed home during the bombing of London and drove Jeeps in WW2. They are trained to be final boss overlord level composed at age 2.

U don’t fuck with the Queen

His sister, Princess Anne, was the victim of an attempted kidnapping. The guy pointed a gun at her and told her to get out her car. She replied: “Not bloody likely.” And tried to kick him.

A global political entertainment product…

lately i’ve been replacing my “i’m sorry”s with “thank you”s, like instead of “sorry i’m late” i’ll say “thanks for waiting for me”, or instead of “sorry for being such a mess” i’ll say “thank you for loving me and caring about me unconditionally” and it’s not only shifted the way i think and feel about myself but also improved my relationships with others who now get to receive my gratitude instead of my negativity

This is some 2017 mood