when i read this zine some time ago i was struggling to accept my sexuality. i never had sex ed in school growing up in south america, so all i had was the cultural knowledge that i was an object for the penis to go in. when the penis goes in, i was told at age 9, it will hurt so much you wont be able to think about anything else but the excruciating pain and im telling you this so you can prepare yourself, so you don't make any noises of pain to distract the man from his pleasure. when i read romance and erotica novels as a teen i'd think the orgasm the women characters described were a fantasy. yeah as in i didn't believe in the existence of (female) orgasm. no joke. so when i started questioning that i might be a lesbian... well. how the fuck was i supposed to pleasure a woman if they're unpleasurable??? i was panicking. like really, a lot. i mean as an adult i had found out about the clit and i had found out the female orgasm was in fact a real thing, but i could never fuck women the way a man would. i didn't know then that was a good thing, that that's sort of included in the "desire for women" part of lesbianism. that i had to relearn everything i thought i knew about sex, gender roles and sexual organs. but at the time i just thought every woman id fuck would wish i had a penis, and resent me bc i didn't. i thought theyd find me lacking and that i wouldn't be able to pleasure them without it. and then i read this zine. jesus fucking christ. Mira Bellwether tells us how she prefers to fuck her gfs with dildos instead of her real life penis right around the same page she reveals shes a lesbian. i felt like crying. i think i actually did. heres a woman with a penis, here's what i thought i had to be all this time to fuck women properly and she didn't even use the damn thing. she used her penis as a clit fuck me. do you even get it. she talks about how a real penis doesn't have the range a dildo does bc its softer. i think i will never forget what i felt when i read that. the drawing of a woman using a strap on with her penis hanging on top like a giant clit is gonna be branded on the inside of my brain until i die. my entire understanding of my sexuality is tied to this zine. my understanding of what turns me on and what doesn't, of what sex could be like, my acceptance of myself, of my body, of my desire for women. it turned my whole world upside down. without the trans perspective id never come to terms with my lesbianism and id never learn to define my sexuality in a way that works for me
