Fiction and Fact

Dear you,

I love seeing you happy. I love seeing how happy you are when you’re playing your games, especially the ones where you’re dancing. I love how seeing how excited you get when you talk to me about your games. You even try to explain the storylines of your favorite games and make watch videos about it. I may not be as interested in those stories as you, but I love seeing the excitement and interest in your eyes as you explain everything to me.

I love seeing you bond with your friends. It makes me happy to see you have fun with and forget your worries for a while. I appreciate how you introduce me to all your friends, and make me get to know them as well. I’m grateful that you have a lot of friends around who care about you.

You deserve all the happiness in the world, 내 사랑. I look forward to seeing more of your happy moments and being a part of them.

영원히 사랑해요!

Yours,

C

Dear You,

I was randomly listening to songs on Youtube today when I Smile by Day6 started to play. I always remember you when I hear this song, not just because I smile when I’m with you, but I have a fond memory of us listening to this song before.

You were driving me home from our first date while we were listening to that song when you suddenly said you were feeling “kilig”. It was the first time any guy blurted out those lines in front of me. I found it so endearing. I felt so happy at that moment because I too was also feeling kilig.

Over a year later from that moment and I still feel kilig when I’m with you. I’m just grateful to have you in my life, 내 사랑. I’m thankful for the happy moments we get to share.

영원히 사랑해요! 보고싶어요!

Yours,

C

It’s been two weeks since I submitted my resignation letter and I’m currently unemployed, at least for the next two weeks. It took me awhile to write this down because my thoughts and emotions have been all over the place. I’ve been crying a lot since resigning. I even cried right after talking to my boss about the resignation. You might think that I’m being a little too dramatic here, but I’m leaving an industry that I’ve been in for nearly a decade.

It honestly feels like I’m going through a breakup. It’s as if I’ve been in a toxic relationship and it took me so long to muster up the courage to leave. Over the years, I kept on telling myself to just keep on going and hold on a little longer cause my big break will come too. Eventually, I got burnt out from trying and trying.

I used to be so promising when I first entered this industry. I was full of motivation and eagerness to learn everything that I could. But it feels like I was put in the back burner for so long that I became stagnant and just aimed at getting by. This of course affected my confidence. At some point, I felt stupid— like I’ve already reached my limits and have nothing more to offer.

So why am I still mourning the loss of something that was toxic? I guess I’m still decompressing from all the stress, self-doubt and pressure I’ve been feeling for so long. Also, part of me feels like I’ve failed myself in a way since I haven’t really achieved much in my career. I still need to get over these feelings. I still need time to heal.

But just to make it clear, I don’t regret entering the industry. Being a journalist did open me up to a lot of experiences and adventures. It’s just that my time in the industry has run out and there’s no more room for me here to grow. Staying where I was will not do me any good.

I’m both excited and nervous of starting a new chapter in my career. While I don’t know if this is the right step to take, it’s better for me to try something new instead of just being unhappy. I hope I find my sparkle back.

Dear You,

I miss hearing you snore. I know that sounds weird because usually it’s hard to fall asleep next to a snoring person, but hearing you snore helps me fall asleep faster. It gives me comfort— a reminder that I’m not alone. It’s almost like your snore is contagious that I find myself falling asleep not long after.

I feel grateful for the moments I when I get go sleep beside you. There’s something so wholesome about falling asleep together. It’s a kind of comfort that I’ve never felt with anyone else.

Even the moments when fall asleep while talking on the phone feels so precious. Just hearing your voice already gives me comfort.

I look forward to having more of these little moments with you, 내 사랑.

보고싶어요! 영원히 사랑해요!

Yours,

C

Dear you,

I love how you rest your head on my chest as you wrap your arms around my body. You’re nearly a foot taller than I am but in that moment it feels like I’m cradling a little child in my arms. It’s such a wholesome and precious moment that warms my heart.

It may be an unconscious effort on your part, but it’s really the little things that give us joy sometimes. I’ll always cherish these little moments with you, 내 사랑.

Yours,

C

Dear You,

Thank you for always being by my side. I’ve been going through a lot lately and I really appreciate having a shoulder to cry on. I never had anyone like that in my life before. You’re my umbrella in the rain.

My life seems cloudy these days and everything feels overwhelming, but when I think of you I’m reminded that I still have a lot to be thankful for. You’re still the bright ball of sunshine that lights up my life.

I know we don’t see each other as often as before and that makes me miss you a lot. I can’t wait to see you again and feel your warm hugs.

보고싶어요, 내 사랑! 영원히 사랑해요!

Yours,

C

Dear you,

A few days ago we were talking about a favorite singer of mine during my teenage years. You told me that you went to this specific mall show of his with one of your friends before, and it surprised me because I was there too.

I find it interesting how there were so many moments in the past when our paths could’ve crossed but we never met. Sometimes I feel like we may have come across each other at one point but never really knew it.

That mall show wasn’t the only instance when we could’ve met in the past. You said that you used to hang out at an arcade at this mall nearby your university during your college days. I was also often at that mall, frequenting my favorite bookstores.

Speaking of college days, I actually got accepted at the university you studied at, specifically for the program you were studying at that time. The universe had other plans for me so I wasn’t able to study there, but still I find it interesting how we could’ve met if I did.

There were so many chances that we could’ve met, however, it was on a dating app that our paths finally crossed. This is a reminder that timing is really everything. We met at a time when we were supposed to meet, when we were ready for each other.

A lot of people say that they wish they’d met their loved ones earlier in life. I’m not one of those people. I’m thankful that we met at the time we did because it was that perfect timing that allowed our story to unfold so beautifully.

영원히 사랑해요!

Yours,

C

Dear you,

Tonight, you suggested that I write these letters on an annual basis since we’ve been together for over a year now. But I said, no. I’m still gonna write every month.

Please know that writing these letters is not a chore to me. These letters are pieces of my heart sewn together by words.

I enjoy writing these letters because it makes me realize how I appreciate you and the things you do. They can also serve as a reminder of the brighter days during the rainy times.

These letters also remind me that I am capable of writing happy stories. Thank you for giving happy things to write about.

Yours,

C

Dear You,

I love existing with you— to just be in the same space as you. We don’t even have to do anything together. Just feeling your presence makes me calm. Merely being on the phone with you without us saying a word makes me feel relaxed. I can’t really explain why, but I don’t even need a reason. Your presence feels like a warm hug on a chilly day.

I know we haven’t seen each other for a few days now since we got back from our overseas trip, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t feel your presence any less. I still feel your love everyday even if we don’t see each other daily.

I’m actually still on a high from our trip. I had so much fun with you, 내 사랑. I can wait to go on more adventures with you.

I won’t keep this letter long. You know how much I love you.

보고싶어요! 영원히 사랑해요!

Yours,

C

Dear you,

Thank you for being patient with me. We’ve been together for over a year now but of course I still continue to learn about how it is to be in a relationship since you’re my first. Just like life, relationships aren’t always rainbows and butterflies. There are rainy days of course— and getting through the rainy days together is what will make our bond even stronger.

I remember you telling me on our first date that if we ever come across conflicts, we should fix it. That reassured me of how much you care about us— and that’s something you continue to show to this day.

So thank you for always giving your best in this relationship. You know I always appreciate all your efforts.

On another note, I can’t wait for our upcoming trips. I miss going on adventures with you.

I won’t keep this letter too long. There’s still more of them to come in the future.

영원히 사랑해요, 내 사랑! 보고싶어요!

Yours,

C

Dear Lolo,

Happy Birthday! You would’ve been 89 today. I miss you so much. Both you and lola of course. It’s true that you never really get over the death of a loved one. You just learn to mask the pain in everyday living. It’s been nearly ten years since you left us and yet there are times when I still cry thinking of you. I just watched some home videos of you and started sobbing like crazy. The reality suddenly hit me that it’s been so long since I last saw you, and that all I have are memories of you.

Sometimes I wish I was a kid again, not just to run away from the responsibilities of adulthood, but because that would mean I’d still have you in my life.

I hope I make you proud even if I’m still scared of a lot of things. We always remember you.

Dear you,

I find it endearing how you keep denying that you’re sleepy during our nightly phone calls even if I can hear the sleepiness in your voice. I still can’t understand it, but i’d like to think it’s just because you still want to talk to me. That makes me feel loved.

I’m also grateful for how you try to stay up with me during our phone calls to try to help me fall asleep. You don’t even need to say anything. Just knowing that you’re on the other end of the line makes me feel more at ease.

While I do appreciate our nightly phone calls, of course it would be better to be next to each other so that I can hug you and feel your warmth.

I can’t wait to see you later to celebrate another month with you, 내 사랑.

보고싶어요! 용원히 사랑해요!

Yours,

C

Dear you,

Thank you for giving me happy stories to write.

Before you came into my life, majority of the things I would write here are about my worries. I would usually come here just to vent out whatever I felt and most of the time it would be about something sad or negative. I reached a point where I actually disliked writing here because I felt like every time I did, it would be about something sad. I felt like I was not capable of writing happy stories.

But here I am looking back at these letters I’ve written to you in the past 12 months and realizing that I can write about being happy too. Just like how you showed me that I am capable of loving and being loved, you also showed me that I can write happy stories.

You’re a big ball of sunshine that lights up my life. I can never put into words how grateful am to have you in my life.

영원히 사랑해요!

Yours,

C

Dear you,

It was around this time last year when we first started chatting on a dating app. Fast forward to today and we’ve already been together for 11 months. Time really really flies with you.

I really miss you so much, 내 사랑. I know we haven’t really been able to spend much time together in the past few weeks because I was in some other part of the world, but I appreciate how I can still feel your love despite the distance. I can’t explain how much those video calls with you meant while I was away. It made feel less homesick.

I know we aren’t able to celebrate together today, but I look forward to spending quality time with you in a couple of days.

영원히 사랑해요! 보고싶어요!

Yours,

C

Dear Lolo and Lola,

I wonder what the both of you would say if I told you that i’ll be flying out to San Francisco in a couple of days. Lolo would probably be so excited and give me printouts of all the maps I need as well as tell where to go if I ever get lost. I remember when I was starting college and you’d always say that if I ever get lost commuting, I should always just head to Quiapo to find my way home.

You were not as strict with me when it came to allowing me to go to go places. I feel like it was because I was always a scaredy cat growing up and you really wanted me to become more independent.

Lola, on the other hand, was very protective of me. I wonder what would be your reaction to me flying out alone to the other side of the world, Lola. Maybe you would be worried, but at the same time, also excited about the pasalubong I’ll bring home. You’d probably tell me to go shopping and take lots of pictures.

How I wish the both of you were alive and well today so I can tell you stories about the trip. I always think about the both of you when I get on a plane. Both of you enjoyed traveling. It makes sad that I never really had the chance to travel with the both you.

I hope the both of you are proud of me, even if I’m still scared of a lot things.

Love,

C

Dear you,

There are times when I’m so burnt out and overwhelmed by my worries that I just start to feel sad about where I am in life. The times when my thoughts just spiral and I start to overthink everything. But then I remember that I have you in my life right now and suddenly the heaviness I feel starts to lighten a bit.

You’re always there by my side to listen to my rants, my ramblings, and even my literal cries. You just stay they and tell me that it’s okay to cry. I appreciate that so much. I’m the kind of person who tends to keep things to herself, but with you, I feel so safe that I can just be vulnerable.

I really can’t explain why but when I see you, I suddenly feel less stressed about everything. You truly are my stress reliever.

We’ve been together for 10 months now. Can you believe it? Time really flies with you. I still get the butterflies every time you smile. I like seeing you happy. It warms my heart.

I know we can’t spend time together today because of all the busyness, but I can’t wait to spend time with you tomorrow.

내일 봐요, 내 사랑! 보고싶어요! 영원히 사랑해요!

Yours,

C

Dear you,

Tonight we had dinner at this Thai place because I was craving for Pad Thai. When the bill came, you picked it up without showing me. I was handing you my share of the bill but you didn’t take it. You told me that you’re paying since it was my first time eating there. That really warmed my heart, 내사랑.

It’s not the first time you treated me out for dinner. You have treated me out a lot of times already, but at that moment I remembered when we were first going out and you told me you wanted to take me to many places and try all the food that I haven’t had yet before.

We’ve been together for nine months now and you’re still keeping that promise. You sure know how to make me feel loved. I’m so grateful to have you in my life.

영원히 사랑해요!

Yours,

C