Whoa.

I read this out loud to boyfriend and he just went “ohhhhhhhhh” 

CEOs all runnin around terrified of blue shells from the homeless

twooforjoy:

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i c o n i c

Lion in the Snake's Den || AU

      A slender brow arched. Oh. “Yeah, well that wasn’t my fault. Seeing as how this obnoxiously blond kid was walking like a slug on the way here— Oh wait, that was you.”

He wants sass, then he’ll get sass. 

She simply rolls her eyes again before settling into her seat, following his lead and picks up a book from the back shelf then settles back into her seat. Fingers lightly grasp the edge of the book and open it up to the page listed on the board, taking out her own parchment paper and quill to take notes. And then the boy next to him speaks again. Guess she better return the greeting for courtesy’s sake. 

      «♚» “I’m Tatiana Guzman, pleasure. And sure, I’ll let it pass this time. Just walk a little faster in the halls, alright?”

He wanted to snap something back at her, to nip that dumb attitude of hers in the bud, but his better judgement told him that he should just drop it and move on. And so he did.... for awhile.

The class progressed and instead of taking notes like he should have, he made paper-airplanes out of parchment, and enchanting them to fly. He scribbled down a note on one, and sent it towards a girl near the front of the class, who turned around with red cheeks and meekly nodded at him. Score. 

Soon enough he could tell that the Professor was getting irritated by his antics within the classroom walls and he stopped goofing around and paid attention. But - as a teenage boy with an attention span the size of a pea - he soon grew bored of Slughorn raving over a potion that could change the size of your head, honestly, it wasn't that great. He turned towards Tatiana and bumped her arm. "So, Taty," he started, testing out the nickname, "what does a Slytherin do for fun?" Hopefully not kill people...

Lion in the Snake's Den || AU

      And now the urge to roll her eyes wasn’t resisted and an annoyed noise left her lips. At least the fool’s walking faster. Whatever, not like he was— …great. He just had to have her same potions class. And since he was walking so slow, the only free seat next to him was the one next to him. She wears that if she ever has to perform the Cruciatus Curse, it’d be on him. 

And with the falsest of smiles, the brunette takes the seat next to the blond and turns to him, the fake smile still plastered on her lips. 

      «♚» “Well, if it isn’t the turtle of a Gryffindor. Fancy meeting you here.”

Oops. There may have been a bit of attitude in there. But hey, what else would you except of a serpent?

He heard that voice again. And it sounded even more rude than before. He looked up at the girl who was taking the seat next to him as she spoke.

'Turtle'?

It took him a second to realize she was remarking on his speed. Leaning over, he puts a hand on the back of her chair, "That's pretty rich coming from the last person to enter the classroom." 

He moved back to his original position, and grabbed his book from the table, opening it up to the page written upon the black board. As Slughorn started his lecture, he quickly said a greeting - politely as he could - to the girl sitting next to him.

"My name is Naruto Uzumaki, by the way. And for your information, I had a lot on my mind..." 

Lion in the Snake's Den || AU

Ordinary, her ass. The O.W.L.’s were one hell of a series of tests to pass. But at least she survived them, it’d be a shame if she hadn’t. A witch from a decently-known wizarding family? It’d be like bringing dishonor upon her self and her family. And her cow. Not something she was willing to do. But she hadn’t recieved O.W.L.’s in all of her subjects, just the ones she cared most about. i.e. Charms, Transfiguration, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Potions, and Astronomy. Those were enough to satisfy her. 

Now her 6th year came around quicker than she imagined. Tatiana was clad in black and green Slytherin cloak, hair down in it’s usual drape over her shoulders. The halls were just as crowded as ever, but it was a monotonous daily routine she was used to. Potions was next after lunch on the time tables, and she was well on her way to Professor Slughorn’s dungeon of a classroom. Literally. But there was this blindingly head of blond hair in front of her seemingly taking his time walking to his own class. She looked at his cloak. Ugh. Gryffindor. Of course he’d be in that house.

She resists the urge to roll her eyes and nudges the boy in the back with the corner of her book. 

      «♚» “Mind walking a bit faster, Gryffindor?”

Books in hand, Naruto pushed his way through the corridors of the school, determined to not be late again. His professors had the gall to call him out on his tardies! It's not like he'd been doing anything bad... just... sleeping.

The blonde slowed down his pace as he became lost in his thoughts. What if they kick me out? I don't exactly have anywhere to go. He sighed and scratched his left arm, hiking up the sleeve of his robe. 

He felt the 'nudge' and looked back, ready to hit the guy who disturbed his mental banter. 

"Mind walking a bit faster, Gryffindor?"

"Oh shut it, Snake. " He yelled at her, "Who'dya think you are!?" He huffed and walked faster, grumbling something about how 'these stupid Slytherins and their entitled attitudes'. He could already tell it would not be a good day. He walked into Slughorn's class and dropped his books on a desk near the back, flopping into a chair.