i am so gosh darn happy. 

honestly if there’s one thing i realized in the past year is that i’m really, really loved. my friends will literally cross an ocean to come see me and facetime me at 7am because they miss me. earlier in the subway i was thinking about how i have this problem where i become friends with someone and they get way more attached to me than i get to them and consider me their best friend (i still love them though, they’re just not who i go to when i have a problem) and like, how great of a problem is that to have? how lucky am i that that’s the stuff i think about? and my past romantic relationship was messy as ish and it still is tbh but it also showed me that someone /can/ fall in love with me and someone /can/ really want to be with me and build something, and even though, rationally i know that, sometimes i get really lonely and i think i’m unlovable and not needed as much as everyone else is, and it’s nice to be proven otherwise. it’s so easy to forget that people always care and want you there, because when it’s late and you’re alone no one’s there to remind you that are you wanted  but idk i felt really good today and i am loved. and i want to hold onto this feeling right now and enjoy it 

when someone you’re friends with tweets ‘i’m not homophobic or anything but seems like being gay/bi is trendy nowadays. times have changed’ :( you know what’s fucking trendy? being accepting of lgbtq+ peeps as long as it’s not /too/ in your face what’s trendy is believing you’re open minded for your own sake but not for ours what’s trendy is “””allowing””” us to be gay only if you don’t have to deal with it all the time because like, let’s be reasonable here, we don’t /actually/ want equality, just a pat on the back

lowkey achieving a goal tomorrow i’ve been working towards for almost four years now

i’m stoked on life today (fun fact: i /always/ write ‘stocked’ but i mean that’s p accurate too here i’m stocked up) so i’m just really happy and excited and i wanted to record this moment for when i don’t feel too hot i spent the day with one of my very best friends and had a morning coffee date followed by lunch and a movie and chilling in the park and some frozen yogurt and it was ace!!!! we talked about a lot of stuff and she’s the best and i’m planning a day out on the islands with my group of friends so we can have a last adventure before i go and like. they’re such sunshine i love them  my baby niece is going to be born soooo soon now!!! i can’t wait!!!!!! i’m leaving in like two weeks which is terrifying and i haven’t been able to sleep for a while now but it’s fine because i’ve been working towards this for like 4 years now and the other day my dad said ‘this is your home but canada is your dream’ and it’s so true and i’m going to do something i felt was always a hazy goal but it’s actually HERE and it’s WOAH  i made a lot of memories this summer with the best people i know and i traveled a bunch and i think i made the best of it and i don’t regret anything at all and it went by in a flash some pretty shitty stuff happened this summer but some great stuff happened too and i’m going to be aight and i’m going to be great and life is pretty cool man. you make your own life 

in an effort to be less mopey and complain-y, here are the things that are good in my life right now. • my baby niece!!!! will be here so soooon!!!!!! :) :) :)  • i’m going to paris thursday for a week!!! which means i get to hang out with my grandmother and one of my best friends i haven’t seen in a year!! i’m also visiting shownspencer in the netherlands for a long weekend in a couple weeks!! • i played star wars games with one of the little kids i tutor and he let me win!!!! i even got to be the rebels. hell yea • i bought my tickets for toronto!!! i’m leaving august 14th which is very scary haha. i got my visa and started looking for apartments so it’s getting real super quickly........ • i saw a friend i hadn’t seen or talked to in FIVE YEARS which is weird because i don’t feel like i’m old enough to say i haven’t hung out w/ someone in five years. but it was v nice and we talked for two straight hours. :) • i discovered la belle mixtape and i’m lowkey in love with these remixes. sunny days and good life in particular • someone ALWAYS has my back. i am never really alone. it might feel that way sometimes, but my friends are incredible and so is my family. they would jump to my defence in a heartbeat i’m just pretty stoked right now. i’m ready to be happy now. life is aight man, it’s aight. i’m excited!!!!!  practice reckless optimism for sure.