Hella

an imaginary person named deez nuts polled 9% on an actual presidential poll and it was reported nationwide and people have to be told not to write him in and throw away their vote because it might mean donald fucking trump, a man who everyone hates with a toupee that looks like it was photoshopped on, actually does get elected because he is actually running. oh and despite a general lack of recent campaigning, let us not forget: wocka flocka flame also very much did declare his candidacy. wocka flocka fucking flame

and then, amongst this political farce, banksy is building a theme park. a real, actual theme park. a man who became famous originally due to his street art. is building a theme park. can you think of a single thing less street art than a fucking theme park??? how many people have signed off on this?????? how much money??? fucking 

also there is a website where people can vote on the names for planets outside our solar system and some are legit sounding and some are like?? “descending fish” or whatever??? actual planets in actual space what the fuck

oh, right, and then in the only political news that seems like a genuinely good idea i’ve heard in months, there was that whole thing where, due to how dismally bad their economy has been for so long, they have started a kickstarter for the country of greece. that sounds so fake! that doesn’t sound like a real thing none of these do they sound like onion articles but when i heard about it i was like that’s a great idea i hope it works bc i’ve got a friend in greece and i know how bad it is there and it’s not getting the attention it needs

at this point i feel like no news item could surprise me, you could be like “florida has literally broken off of the continent due to popular vote and is now chillin with the bahamas and it is messing up the american economy which secretly is heavily reliant on citrus export and the daytona 500″ and i’d be like sure that sounds reasonable! absolutely! 

i’d believe if if scientists were like “new study proves that birds control the weather” at this point and it would probably not be the weirdest shit i heard that week

when the fuck did our universe start being a performance art piece co-written by monty python and the firesign theatre