It was high school, and it was my birthday. I never paid for my friends or anything for my birthday but that year my dad told me to take my friends to the movies—and by friends, I meant the whole class.

Not everyone came, of course. Yet there were really a lot of people, and being me, I was so awkward and excited (probably too awkward and too excited) for it.

A classmate suggested me to watch The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, but, he was someone who had a crush on me. So, childish, awkward, and stubborn, I flat out refused it.

We watched an Indonesian action-comedy instead.

Well… who knows, right? We should’ve watched Walter Mitty back then.

To be honest I have no idea what my favorite movie is since there are so many. But the Secret Life of Walter Mitty was perfect for me. The main character, the daydreaming awkward guy stuck in his monotonous life, was too relatable. I like Ben Stiller, and, in this movie, too, he doesn’t disappoint.

The idea is simple but brilliant, I think, as an excuse to just spoil us with suspenseful adventure in such picturesque eye-pleasing sceneries, and with such a relatable character too! Walter Mitty is full of flaws but we do have those moments in our life where it’s do or die, right? In one way, it inspired me, without words, to Just Do It, Now or Never. (Probably because I am also a daydreamer and am Secretly Nuts)

What’s the worst that can probably happen, right? You just die, probably. (haha) (sorry)

Aside from the sceneries and adventures, I really love the character development.

I was most in awe with that one scene where Walter Mitty met the girl again after his travels and it’s like I just realized, and was blown away by how much he’s changed, how much he’s weathered.

Man.

Overall I think it really is an inspiring story, and although in one way is very special (which means Walter Mitty’s adventures are not very doable, mostly, unless you are privileged), but it is also very…. How do I say it, I think it makes sense?

He slowly gained his confidence, by braving the things he could only imagine before.

He didn’t always succeed but he went through it all anyway and heyy wasn’t that awesome that he tried it? Something like that.

Well, it’s been years since I last saw that movie but I can still remember it so vividly. And I still listen to Dirty Paws too. (I have to thank this movie for introducing me to OMAM really)

So, yeah, that was one of my favorite movie.

Sorry and thank you, for recommending it to me, dear person who might never read this.

‘single and happy’, huh?

This topic is quite controversial, perhaps, and I have opinion on both ways of the debate.

Indeed living alone is possible. For most of my life, I dreamt of that. I dreamt of going to places as a stranger, so much that no one knows where I might be and what I was doing except for one thing: they should know that wherever I be, I must be doing fine.

I dreamt of going from places to places as an observer of the world, trading advices and stories with strangers. Spending mornings with grandmas that live alone by the sea, by the castle, by the mountains and rivers, by the city centers, who rent their rooms just to fill the silences in their homes. Try out their homemade diners, passed down from generation to generation. And sometimes meeting their families and seeing their love for each other.

I’m getting off track, am I?

Well, but I guess, being truly alone is also quite sad. I used to think it would be nice if no one had to mourn or worry about me, or be in trouble because of it. But now that I think if it more and more, everyone does need a family. Someone who can be called when you are sick, or in trouble, or dead. That will take care of you and finish your business. And so do you, for them.

These are the things only families can do.

However, I think the form of a family doesn’t have to be in the form of the marriage partnership that people think as a requirement for functioning in a society. Well of course, naturally we might need to propagate. But a family… maybe it doesn’t have to be husband and wife in the traditional way.

Just maybe, someone you would trust with your life.

Maybe it’s a best friend, maybe it’s a partner for business. Maybe it’s a daughter or a sibling. Someone you treasure and someone who will have your back.

I still stand by my point, that you don’t need someone else to survive. But indeed tea is sometimes all the more delicious when enjoyed together. And I also religiously believe, there is someone created to be my soulmate. Even though, I have no idea when I will meet him, or if I will meet him in this life.

But still, I believe both of us are people who can be happy by ourselves.

To be honest, rather than a husband, my aim is to adopt a child. Maybe it’s because of my upbringing but I have always pictured myself with a kid, that I would share my life with. They would be my friend and my partner, and I’ll show them around the world, and I’ll tell them everything I know.

We’ll go and discover new things. We’ll learn more and more. I’ll support them and become their discussion partner.

I’ll be their family.

I believe this is within my power. I can make it come true. I’ll work to make it come true.

If you know me you probably already know how much I love to travel. Perhaps I’ve told you once I dreamt of travelling the world. I dream of seeing the northern lights and diving deep into the coral reefs of bunaken. Or seeing sakura in full bloom in the picturesque Kyoto.

Now I think I’ve been to a lot of places. (But not those three I mentioned)

If you asked me, where else do I want to go?

My answer would be : I think anywhere is fine.

Every and each places are so enchanting. Different scents, different sounds, different food, different people. Just give it some time, and I’d fall in love with every city I have visited.

And with love, came heartbreaks—a hole in my heart knowing that I might never get to return. Once is never enough. Whenever you leave, a part of your heart remains.

But still, I’d travel, just to fall in love again.

Visit a new place, and get a new friend. Without prejudice, it feels like I’m a different person every time. I’d like to be a stranger somewhere, where I am just a blur in the crowd. See a child wave at me, a nice stranger who smiles at my appreciative antics, and hear the story of an old grandma, of how the place have changed.

Be somewhere, where I am just a nobody.

And then, with heart worn out, I’d like to return home. I’d like to return to every home, where I left pieces of my heart behind.

I’d like to go back, to where there are familiar smiles. A place where I can find my favorite food on the table. A place where I can drink tea and have some biscuits.

A place where I can just sit, and ask, hello, how have you been?

Somehow, I have such a vivid memory of my time spent in Kompleks Sesarehan Gunung Kawi (Kawi Mountain’s Temple Complex).

Back then, my parent had just divorced, and my mother brought me over to her best friend’s house. They were a Chinese-Indonesian couple who owned a traveler’s lodging house in the heart of one of Malang’s most famous pilgrimage site. My mother had to sustain us, so she had to leave to work somewhere far away. And so, there I was, by myself, in a stranger’s house, in an unknown place.

Yet, I remember it as one of the happiest times of my childhood.

Life in Gunung Kawi was simple.

Every morning I woke up, often shivering, inhaling the fresh mountain air. It was a long holiday before I started first grade of elementary school, so as a kid I naturally had all the time in the world for the day.

There was a never-ending friendly debate each morning between my new family—whether it is better to eat before you brush your teeth or brush your teeth before you eat. (Now, I believe in the first premise.)

The kind auntie liked me, since I was described as a smart and obedient kid, so I had no trouble with anyone. I had no friends to play with but there were a lot of cute, round turkeys I used to chase around in front of the house. I had a bag of frutella candies that I kept like a treasure, and I carefully ate them one by one, each day.

And every day, I went exploring.

Sesarehan Gunung Kawi was so festive, with all the red decorations, busybodies going on pilgrimages, candles, bells, souvenirs, and street foods all over the place. I think I might have been there on a special occasion. The bathhouse just beside my place was always steaming from the hot waters. Ginger drinks and hot meatballs plagued the place.

If I tread down the small road by the bath house, away from the main street, I’d find steps leading down a bamboo forest, with fresh river waters. People say the water was miraculous, so at the end of that road, there was another huge bathhouse in the middle of the bamboo forest.

If I come up the main stairs towards the mosque at the top of the hill, I’d see a lot of temples with red and white candles and charms and ribbons. The scent of incense was in the air. It was strange, now that I think of it, that the mosque and the temple were side by side, both merry with visitors. I just thought, it was interesting. And I kept going.

And one day, on one of those days, a big, big paper dragon and barongsai would dance down the steps, fluttering and jumping and blinking and turning their heads left, right, up and down, followed by so many costumed people dancing and playing festival instruments, with bright colors and loud musics.

It was such an enchanting time.

I visited the nice auntie a while ago. Sometimes I wish that place would just stay in my mind. Except for the nice auntie, everything else seemed to have faded. The nature, the food, the festivity. The colors. The sounds.

The bath house near the lodging house was in ruins, and a dog took shelter in the middle of a pouring rain.

How long was I there, back then? I was so small, so I have no idea.

The place in my memory, maybe it’s now all gone.

First of all, I have no idea how to describe myself. But I’ll tell you a thing or two, maybe.

Some people say I am strange. But I don’t know what is strange, or what is not. What I do, is just what comes naturally to me. So… here comes!

Well, first of all, someone’s personality came from their genes, and their upbringing. I’ve no idea about genes, but I was raised by at least 7 different parents.

You can skip this part.

First I was raised by my biological parents; then they were too busy that I was basically raised by the grandmas of my neighborhood. Then things happened, that my mom had to raise me alone. Then, I was left at a really kind auntie and uncle’s house, which was a lodging house for travelers. Then, my grandma took me. Then my dad and my step mother took me. Then my brother and his wife took me.

And finally, my mom and step dad took me.

End of skippable part.

I grew up as an obedient and bright kid to whomever took me in, and growing up, I was interested in two things: books, especially those with pictures; and nature around me: plants, animals, and most importantly, the sky. I’ve no idea when, but I have always been so obsessed with the sky.

Well... Isn’t the sky always so pretty?

And how about now, you ask? Now…

Perhaps I am still the same, basically?

I am really curious, sometimes to a fault. I naturally crave to wander and see the world. People intrigue me, I’d like to know how they think, how they feel. Why they do what they do.

How did this world come to be? I wondered that. And why am I here? I still haven’t got any reason why.

And stories, are a peek to the worlds inside people’s mind. So how marvelous is that, that we can travel so many worlds at once?

I think I’m pretty transparent. I can’t lie for the life of me, or pretend. But I am very good at forgetting. And I am very good at spacing out. So that helps I guess?

With this transparent self, I can still carry a lot of secrets.

I think I’m pretty loyal, too. I’m one of those friends who will help you no matter what. I empathize a lot, so it’s also though sometimes.

Also, I think I’m pretty random. I’ve got reason for all I do, but I think, I’m too in love with this world? There are so many things and reasons you can find to do anything. I’m pretty strict with myself, and my values are something no one can negotiate with, but I’m really open to change.

And although I’m pretty bold with my choices, I hate to decide things for others. My choices are for myself, and I’ll carry the consequences, fully.

One more thing, I hate to notice my ego.

I love it when ‘I’ do not exist. I am simply a pair of eyes and a pair of ears. All the smells of the air may pass me by. My heart goes with the laughters, the chirps, the rustles of those around me.

I love it when a kid jumps into a bunch of gravels. I love it when the leaves spins, blown away by the wind. I love it when sun ray went into a dark room, and the dust dances, floating among themselves.

At times like that, I am most happy, by myself.

I guess like the sky, like the wind, they have no secrets. Sometimes they are bright, sometimes there are storms. They are always with you. They move endlessly.

There is no limit.

Maybe that’s how I want to be.

 ((And oh… did I forget? I might be random, but I also plan quite meticulously, especially when other people is involved. So I am a messy ball of anxiousness. That’s all from me, ehehe))