I learned about this recently, and it explained so much about my sleep schedule.

One of my least favorite mental illness things is "hungry but dont feel like eating" and its companions "hungry but all the food in the house is Illegal," "hungry but can't make anything," and "hungry, want to eat, but why bother"

#that little bat has no clue that it is embodying halloween right now #because it does not understand what holidays are #it does however #understand what pumpkins are #as it can eat those #it cannot eat halloween #bats

I needed your tags I’m sorry.

Me as a bat

“I MUST CONSUME THE HALLOWEEN ENERGY”

The Halloweenergy

PUMPKIN POWER :D

@curriebelle Seasonally Appropriate

*detects you in murky water with my sensitive barbels*

Pros and Cons of Bipedalism

Pros:

Cons:

Anyway, I would like to hold a re-vote on walking upright, who’s game? 

unintended side effect: no tail so our heads got bigger to counter balance and keep us from constantly falling over. enormous skull now full of brain benefit of brain - made friends with wolves problem with brain - v. fragile and invented capitalism

brain so fragile, meat so huge :(

sesame street gets exponentially funnier as you age. god i love it

you wanna know something that fucks me up when i think about it. what really fucks me up. that the west coast of the us has different butter than the east coast. like it’s an entirely different shape. when i learned that my brain metaphorically exploded. something as fundamental and constant as butter is completely different based on whether you grew up in oregon or south carolina. where is the divide. why doesn’t anyone talk about this. oh fuck i’m thinking about the east/west butter divide again i gotta calm down

i’m from massachusetts. when i first learned that not only is the bottom butter common in the western part of the us, but it’s the only butter that some people know, i lost my goddamned mind. i had never even SEEN any butter other than the top butter until i bought some at trader joe’s and was like what the goddamned hell is this. now every time i see tj’s butter in my fridge i have a minor exestential crisis. that first time i googled the history of butter. east coast butter is called elgins and west coast butter is called west coast stubbies. i need to stop talking about this because it makes me fall into a butter-fueled spiral if i think about it for too long

I started finding both in the grocery store here in the DC area and let me tell you - I was so confused the first time I happened on the bottom one.  …and then was even more confused when I picked up a box of the top one a couple months later.  Almost as if the bottom one was just some fever dream I had had….

I forgot I told my villagers to call me “thot” and I had a stroke…

Ver sacrum - 1899 - via University of Heidelberg

pretty rude that i’m not small enough to sit under mushrooms

told my parents i miss archaeology and my mom was, very sympathetically, like: “do you want to dig holes in the garden?” and i was like. yes. i want to dig holes in the garden.

my wife, after reading this to me aloud: It’s your people! …do you want me to break a clay pot for you to put back together?

me, burying my face in my hands: Maybe…?

Italian dad going out to get coffee during quarantine