for ur daily twitter update: yale grad conservative thinkpiece man realizes he’s been using dog shampoo, claims it was an easy mistake to make. the shampoo:

foreshadowing done well makes me go feral like there’s NOTHING better than getting to the end a book or an important storyline moment and realising that the author laced information so intricately into their writing that weren’t noticeable upon first read but when you read back sections they’re light giant red flags like wow writing is amazing

we don’t talk about the koala sheep from the last airbender enough and i really think that needs to change

THEM

We were most likely distracted by Aang losing his mind, and Appa and Momo talking.

La pluie de vos injures n'atteint point le parapluie de mon indifférence.

this is the best one everyone else go home

BIG NEWS

damn this animal smells like kush!!!

hey does anyone have any tomato juice

Did you get sprayed by a skunk?

I dont know what a “skunk” is but this gay rat made me smell like shit

we can only sext if we roleplay as key figures from the cold war 

im gorbachev who wants to be reagan

Mr. gorbachev tear down those pants

Captain Crunch earned his name by giving the worst blowjobs imaginable

if i was the joker id just get a restraining order on batman and superman whataere they gonna do? break the law? then theyre no better than me, a cold blooded murderer. and this would 100% work, because superheroe movies have the shittiest takes on ethics since fucking kant

Y’all ever get those random ghost-shivers, where it isn’t even cold or anything, but all of a sudden it feels like you are full of static electricity and you shake uncontrollably?

The pictures might make it seem like a slow process, but this really happens very rapidly in just a few seconds

One just hit me

I once heard that this is your brain randomly zapping you with electrical signals to make sure you’re not dead. Not sure if that’s true.

My brain, seeing if I’m alive or dead: VIBE CHECK!!!

Be the voice in your demon’s head criticizing everything it does.

i’m the inner demon now

u lie down and its like (• ) ( •) and thats just how it is

You lie on your side and it’s just (•)(• )

How long until Tumblr flags this?

they won’t cause it’s not flesh coloured

She’s picking him up from kitten school and he’s telling her about his day

me

$2.48

I almost didn’t click this because I assumed it would be someone singing the altered lyrics and I can basically figure out what that would sound like

BUT NO, someone has instead the original song to go like this and it is, very good

this is terrifying

Here’s what’s happening in Australia at the moment.

For some context:  Mallacoota is a tourist town, usual population is a little over 1000, but at peak tourist times, it can be as high as 8000. There was an estimated 4000 there today, when the extreme heat, peaking at 49C/120F, combined with high winds, to spark a large, intense fire in the bushland around the area. This pretty much blocked off all ways out of the town, leading to all 4000 people being evacuated to the beach, with the emergency plan basically being “If the fire comes this way, get in the water” Thankfully, the wind did change direction, and as far as I’ve heard, most of the town was spared, but this is how bad the drought, heat, and fire situations have become in australia. And our government still refuses to make solid policies on climate change.

NSW Bush Fires - How you can help

If you’re not in a place to give money, you can boost!!