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bodoni

@kisasae / kisasae.tumblr.com

kisa, 23 years old, an abstract painter traveler who keeps notes on small pieces of paper.
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durnesque-esque
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millennial-review
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softpastelqueer

For reference, the federal minimum wage would have you earning roughly on average $1,256.66 a month

It’s recommended your rent only be 30% of your total budget, so with an average monthly rent of $1,827 that would mean your average renter’s monthly income should ideally be $6,090

That would be roughly $35.13 hourly or $73,080 annually

However, the average renter’s household income is only $42,500 annually or $20.43 hourly (as of 2019 according to the Census Bureau’s American Community Survey)

This means either rent prices are too unsustainably high and price gouging or wages are too unsustainably low and predatory

Or both

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taishou-kun

Mitani Toshiko 三谷十糸子 (1904-1992)

Koma 独楽 (Spinning top) screen - Japan - 1930

Source Kyoto City Museum of Art 京都市美術館蔵

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Katayama Bokuyō (Japanese, 1900-1937) - Forest, 1928 

Two-panel folding screen 

ink and mineral pigments on silk

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beifongkendo

A herd of deer, water colour painting on screens by Takeuchi Seiho (ca. 1900).

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nobrashfestivity

Tsuji Kako, Green Waves, ca.1910.

Ink and gold on silk, 67 7/8 x 109 ½ in. (172.4 x 278.1 cm), Gift of Griffith and Patricia Way, in honor of the 75th Anniversary of the Seattle Art Museum, 2010.41.32

 Seattle Art Museum

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flowisaconstruct-deactivated202
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gringoslur

a man: men now have to think before they speak, they are afraid to be criticized or accused of something, can we believe that we have to live like this now?? uwu

all the women that had to grown up being super self-aware of what they wear, what they think, what they say, how they act, where they are, with whom, etc in every aspect of their life, all the time, in this sexist society (especially women of color, non-straight women and trans women): good. finally you all have to learn how to behave.  

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acrylicsanddrawings

Good Self/Mental Health Care Apps

  • Daylio: pictorial mood tracking. Pick a smiley face and current activity to log your emotions at any time throughout the day. Moods and activities are customizable
  • NotOK: panic button. Set five contacts and write a message to send out during a crisis. In a crisis, hit the button and your contacts will be contacted.
  • Booster Buddy: wake up the cartoon animal by doing three self care activitities throughout the day. Also has optional activities for a variety of mental health issues, including psychosis.
  • 7 Cups: chat anonymously with a stranger about your problems, get an e-therapist, or participate in a group chat with people with similar struggles. LGBTQ friendly.
  • Calm Harm: alternatives to self harm, gives you activities to do while you ride out the urge to hurt yourself
  • Tap Tap Fish: not a self care app, but a very calming game where you grow your own reef. Great way to feel like you’re taking care of something
  • Symple: symptom tracker app. Allows you to track a variety of symptoms throughout the day

Anyway those are the ones that I know, if anyone wants to feel free to add more!

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furiousgoldfish

behavioural and emotional patterns of living in abuse:

  • you spend most of your time shut in your room
  • you’re scared of footsteps approaching your door
  • you prefer not to come out unless there’s nobody home
  • when they come back you run to your room/safe place
  • you’re nervous and anxious if you have to spend time in presence of others
  • you try to get away from your home, you wish you could live somewhere else
  • your self-confidence is very low
  • you worry about making too much noise (have a feeling you’ll get yellet at or abused for it)
  • you try to move around as silently as possible and try to not be noticed by anyone
  • you feel uncomfortable and uneasy sitting at the same table as rest of family/housemates
  • you don’t feel like you belong here
  • you feel like a burden to your housemates
  • you don’t feel like you’re worth having around or supporting in any way
  • you don’t feel like anyone will ever love you or believe in you
  • you don’t feel like anything you do is good enough
  • you can’t stand someone watching you do things like cleaning or anything else you need to get done
  • you try really hard to still find good points about your life and cling to them
  • you strongly worry that you are somehow worse than anyone else
  • you feel like you’re behind on everyone and that you’re failing to live your life properly
  • you don’t feel like anything would have changed if you died, or even that it would be better if you did

if you’re experiencing most of this, you’re going through abuse. Your value isn’t in any way less than other humans, and you are absolutely not any kind of burden. You are human who is forced to live in a way humans aren’t meant to live. You are in living conditions that disable you from feeling happy, fulfilled, or even seeing yourself as a human being.  You are suffering. What is being done to you is not okay. You deserve better than this.

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Luke grew up in a town where they made off brand cereal and it smelled like cereal.

Sometimes he stopped wanting to do or be anything.

He used to play football. I don’t know what position because I didn’t think to ask because I forgot football had positions.

Listening to Luke is like savoring the taste of something, like rolling your tongue over something. Today Luke told me a story about how he was very hungry and wanted to buy tacos but ended up getting a breakfast burrito. That was the whole story. But there is this specific cheerfulness I have to the fact that information is being shared and passed between us. That this space is open for all manner of stories. I like becoming the listener. Luke provokes that in me.

He told me a story about a surprise party someone threw him and how out of place he felt in the attention placed on him. How he felt that everyone was obligated to be there. Told me a friend left a pouch of crystals on his bed for him. 

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12 weeks distortion free.

So I no longer have to lie as a survival tactic and I no longer need to lie for ego projection. It has taken a lot of work and time to live in truth. I am in the process of therapeutically writing parts of my truth and story and it has brought me even further into strength. 

Lying is abuse

Lying by omission is abuse

and distorting the truth is abuse. 

Over the past year I have learned and processed how lying can harm the empathy of another person and how projecting hollows out the soul. 

I have been concretely living in truth for 12 weeks. 

I couldn’t stomach the truth before but, its becoming beautiful. 

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my roommates are amazing and kind people, they have no idea how much they have helped me through creating a clean safe and friendly home. 

my friends talk with me in their cars until the middle of the night. they drive me to the doctor and we cook dinner and laugh together. they each have a separate meaning that is brought into my life. my new friends are empathetic and sweet. they want to learn about me as I want to learn about them. they invite me to things I would otherwise not attend. we sit in the sun in the park. 

my ex partners are kind and caring as we learn to navigate new spaces. one, we are falling into the line of friendship so beautifully and I am thrilled about it. one, we are discovering the other person after time and years of not knowing eachother, yet knowing so much. 

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