NEW ALBUM - DODONGO

ZELDA TUNES IN RATATAT STYLE

Imagine an alien sharing a cool human fact they just learned like ”hey guys did you know that the silvery markings on humans actually aren’t true stripes? They’re called stretch marks, they happen when the human is growing fast enough to actually outgrow their skin, which is apparently something that just fucking happens to almost all of them at some point of their life.”

and another one is like ”wait so you’re saying humans don’t have stripes.”

”actually they do, but the stripes are invisible. There’s genetic code that’d give them stripes but they’re just the same colour as the rest of the skin. So the visible stripes are not real stripes and the real stripes are invisible.”

”I swear if you tell me one more weird human thing today I’m beating your ass.”

The human in the room looks up and goes "Wait I have stripes?"

"what do you mean cats can see them, but I can't?"

what do you fucking mean cats can see them

I WENT THROUGH THE SAME THOUGHT PROCESS

MY CAT THINKS I HAVE STRIPES?!?!?!?

NO NO ITS NOT "IT THINKS I HAVE THEM"

BECAUSE WE DO APPARENTLY

SO ITS ACTUALLY A VERY DISTRESSED "MY CAT THINKS I KNOW I HAVE STRIPES?!?!?!"

AND I THINK THATS A BIT WORSE TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST

MY CAT KNEW I HAD STRIPES BEFORE I DID?!?!?!?!?!?

I DIDNT THINK OF THAT

WELL I DID AND NOW I CANT UNTHINK IT

@beenovel @messiambrandybuck these are the variants

WHAT

apparently there's a disease where they become visable, and these are the most common kind??

Ngl it looks cool but???? I'm still in shock tbh

was any science teacher gonna tell me that not only do we have invisible stripes but they are also bioluminescent or was i gonna learn that from a fucking tumblr post in 2021

The stripes are only visible in UV, which cats can sort of see. That also means apparently your stripes will become visible if you shine a black light on them???

The last guy was trying to hold back a laugh, I can tell.

Lets go bitches

Sgdgfhjsk I can't believe you left out the replies

This picture stared at me in the women's bathroom

this picture demanded to know whether or not i plan to get The Surgery

This picture has a stroller for their dog

This picture offered me essential oils and told me vaccines would poison my child.

this picture judged who i am based off of how many layers of clothing i’m wearing

this picture just called ICE on their neighbor, and then called their mom and talked about how good the pastor’s sermon on loving your neighbor was 

this pictured asked to touch my hair

This picture just called the homeowners association on me

Okay but this is the tweet I saw and I wouldn't normally go to bat for people I don't know, but they seem to actually be pretty genuine people who tend to stay in their own lanes, and are at the very least good sports about it.

This is wholesome

“ yOu wAnt a PieCE of ME?” “YES!” *bites a bitch*

OH IT'S DIGLETT (more pokemon stadium voice lines)

Evil IOC with Japan

The trains, which were reduced in frequency to “fight infectious diseases”, are now even more packed than usual.

The tolls on the Metropolitan Expressway, which were raised to ease congestion, have not been lowered since the decision was made to hold the games without spectators.

My favorite coffee shop and restaurant finally closed after the promised compensation was not paid.

Near my home in Fukushima, there are still many people living in temporary housing (like containers).

Lying about “under control”.

Extreme heat, sewage pools, Eliminate the homeless(gentrification).

The fact that the Olympics were initially described as a “compact Olympics” and then taxpayers invested many times more money without saying anything.

To “ask” for volunteers and even treat them poorly. The discriminatory and prejudiced upper echelons of advertising agencies. The low wages of Olympic staff. Unusual payoffs by staffing agencies and advertising agencies. The tight-knit government.

Suicide of a JOC executive.

Power harassment, Sexual harassment, indecency, and suicide of construction workers.

The planned forced mobilization of students.

Lockdown of the park and installation of public view of the park.

The “don’t leave your house” directive and the performance of fighter jets.

And the use of gaming culture (in place of a composer who had declined), which had been left out in the cold.

I should have known that in Rio. I was stupid and apathetic five years ago. The IOC is an evil, self-righteous organization that exploits the land. If your government is bad, it is amplified further.

I am sure that this Olympics and the next one will be a great success. Leaving behind the many sacrifices and problems.

I’ll never forget them. No matter who tries to cover it up.

i stress about stress before there’s even stress to stress about

we went out last weekend for a friend’s birthday dinner and it came time to pay for the bill. but we were three gays and a token straight trying to do math and so it was going as well as could be expected 

the server walks by and goes “i can just do separate checks if that’s easier?” 

except that wouldn’t be easier because we were splitting the appetizers and the dessert as well as the food and drinks of who’s birthday it was, and we couldn’t just split it three ways evenly because we’d each gotten a very different number of drinks and that wouldn’t be fair 

but instead of explaining any of that i just responded, without thinking:

“no. the rituals are intricate” 

and he put up his hands and said “yes of course. the intricacies” 

anyway we gave him one card to put everything on and spent the next five minutes figuring out how much everyone had to venmo because all four of us went to film school and sometimes you can tell

I've been laughing like a hyena for the past 15 minutes

Can't believe Peter Griffin really tried it.

I'm only referring to myself as Big Body Bugatti Babe from now on😌

Okay but this dude is beautiful and has a beautiful voice

For those wondering, yes, Cruella's mom was killed onscreen by dalmatians, and yes, it is The Best Scene in the Movie.

(This is the only screen recording I was able to capture without cackling like an insane person over the audio.)

why would you censor the ops name

women would flock to him otherwise