Instant good mood

I didn’t even need the volume for this mood raiser

Wincc

(via)

KIKI’S DELIVERY SERVICE (1989)

Just making things nice

(via)

How I sleep after I smoke a fat blunt and eat half the fridge

Have you ever asked yourself: “What does the skunk say?” unmute to find out

what a good and respectful wildlife interaction, from both sides!

IF YOU NEED TO CALL 911 BUT ARE SCARED TO BECAUSE OF SOMEONE IN THE ROOM, dial and ask for a pepperoni pizza. They will ask if you know you’re calling 911. Say yes, and continue pretending you’re making an order. They’ll ask if there’s someone in the room.

You can ask how long it will take for the pizza to get to you, and they will tell you how far away a dispatcher is.

Here is an example video

Reblog to literally save a life

I’ve done this.  I’m alive because of this. 

My flat-mate’s date for the night was almost as drunk as her.  She had passed out in her room and locked the door.  He refused to leave because he wanted to have sex.  He also demanded food because he was dealing with “whiskey dick”.  He didn’t like the lack of food in the fridge.  I called 911, did the stuff stated above, and he was getting PISSED about how long the “order” was taking.  He took my phone, demanded they “hurry the fuck up”.  Police arrived two minutes later, arrested him, and helped me file a police report.  Pressing charges wasn’t necessary because he had warrants on him from THREE different states for the very thing he planned to do to me.  Several months after this happened one of the officers informed me he was charged with two felonies because he crossed stay lines, and will be serving no less than 35 years in prison.  The officer ripped into my flat-mate about her bringing home complete strangers, while drunk, knowing full well this shit could happen. 

This was 14 years ago.  

Do the pizza order, do it as calmly as you can.  The dispatcher I spoke to said things like this:

“If he’s drunk say you want mushrooms.”  I said I want extra mushrooms.

“If he’s threatening you with sexual assault say you want onions.”  I said I want onions.

She went like this with different toppings and sauces for a description of him, like pineapple if he’s blonde, black olives if he’s tall, extra large if he’s tall, etc.

They’ve heard this sort of coded call before.  They’re trained for it.  They will understand what you’re saying.  Order the pizza.

Really though. I’m in training for dispatch and this was one of the first things they taught us. Pretend you’re talking to a friend or relative, pretend you’re ordering pizza, we’ll figure it out. We’ll word questions so you can answer in an easy, casual way. Please, just make the call and we will do everything we can to help you.

Reblog to save a life

I’m gonna promote this

@samirah-the-valkyrie @eclecticpeachpuppy @pippip-cheerio @smartest-of-them-all @strategically-smart @leo-valdez-fire-boi @reynathesaviorofrome

she is beauty, she is grace, she got her feelings hurt 42 times today

I'd very much like to punch a feminist.

I’d never, ever hurt a lady but I’d be happy to punch a feminist. It’d bring me great joy.

I’m 6’2 and weigh 180lbs

ready when you are

Or if you’d like to have some more options….

I’m 6’4” 228 pounds and have 9 years of combined martial arts training and 3 years of being a Line Backer in football. Just in case you are looking for variety.

what about a lady and a feminist. warning, combatives certified soldier.

im tiny, i’m like 5′4 and 130 lbs but u can fight me too

Reblogging for the last one cuz that’s adorable

SO PROUD

The Fantastic 4 we deserve

OMG IVE ONLY SEEN THIS POST IN SCREEN SHOTS

We will all protect the small one.

I stan

it got better!!

plot-twist: the small one could actually kick everyone’s ass

If one day I see this on my dash and DON’T reblog it assume I’m dead.

reblog if ur bi, ur not biphobic, or ur best friend is a beautiful valid bisexual

A parent: say thank you

little baby: tank you :)

Me:

i’d like to draw everyone’s attention to this portrait of a dog that’s in bella swans bedroom

i’d like to remind everyone that this dog portrait also appears in the music video for chandelier

Don’t be afraid to be “too much.” Call me 5 times a day because you wanna hear my voice or something came up and you wanna tell me immediately. Text me 12 times in a row when I don’t answer fast enough. Leave me cute texts when you can’t sleep. Hold my hand. Everywhere. Sit really close to me on the couch. Keep your hand on my thigh. Always have a part of you touching a part of me. Tell me you love me every hour I don’t care I want to be smothered in love holy fuck life is too short to hold back.

Unmute !

Can you imagine the lights going out and accidentally bumping into this door and hearing that shit?! My soul would vacate my body through my asshole