Cat is very happy to see his owner after being 3 days alone.

“i demand to be loved”

omg the sound it made coming down the stairs

If you don’t go “balalala” when I fist bump you, we cant be friends.

100% white and gold

*on a date* *leaning on elbow, chin resting on palm, looking deep into their eyes* so tell me all the reasons why you like me and think im cute 

honestly yall are like “boys should wear dresses makeup and crop tops!!!” but the minute a trans boy does anything remotely feminine it’s “umm r u sure ur trans ur a transtrender”

tumblr right now

He mad cuz he lost in Uno

real friendship is sending them a link to something terrible so you can both be traumatized at the same time

why are people so threatened by queerness what do you think we’re gonna do to you you’re the ones killin us you’re the ones givin us a fuckin hard time you’re the ones makin us feel abnormal & makin us want to kill ourselves before we reach our first year of high school like

I KNEW SHIT LIKE THIS WAS GONNA HAPPEN I FUCKING KNEW IT AND THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I FUCKING HATE THE BOOKS AND ESPECIALLY THE FILM (x)

me as a laywer

me: so you took a shower and then you heard the gun shot

witness: yes

me as a lawyer: isn’t the first cardinal rule of perm maintenance that you’re forbidden to wet your hair for at least 24 hours after getting a perm at the risk of deactivating the immonium thygocolate

witness: i’m bald

my dog is getting scared of the storm so he’s hiding in the cat basket

YOU’RE NOT A CAT

YOU DON’T EVEN FIT IN IT

TODAY I WAS RUNNING AND THIS MINIVAN DROVE PAST ME AND SOME LIKE 14 YEAR OLD BOY YELLED OUT THE WINDOW SOMETHING LIKE “RUN FAT ASS” AND HIS MOTHER TURNED THE CAR AROUND AND MADE HIM RUN LIKE 5 BLOCKS WITH ME WHILE SHE DROVE NEXT TO US I ALMOST SLIPPED FROM LAUGHING SO HARD

And that’s the kind of education idiotic people need. Seriously.

Parenting done right

Sooooo satisfying!

Ugh God that felt good to look at!

*rubs self like extremely high person*

ACTUAL AESTHETIC

Rubs self like extremely high person

the fucking pancakes omg

Perfection

what if all the scenerios we make up in our head are actually real events happening in an alternative universe and we’re actually connecting with our alternate self’s mind

my alternate self is getting some serious dick