I once tried to explain depression to someone as like if one day you gradually started to lose both your sense of taste and your ability to feel full. And you don’t know why, but now everything you eat tastes like mashed potatoes and nothing you eat is satisfying. You keep eating because you must eat to live, but the effort that it takes to prepare food is taxing and there is no pay off. You just know it will taste like mashed potatoes. You just know you will still be hungry. So you stop bothering with seasonings. Then you stop bothering to use ingredients you used to like. Then you start to wonder what the point of eating is because there is no payoff. You still feel hungry and you’re sick of the taste and you don’t know if you will ever enjoy food again and you don’t know why this is happening.

If someone comes up to you in this scenario and says, “Well have you tried spicing your food? Using different ingredients? Eating foods you used to love?” It isn’t necessarily helpful because the reason you stopped doing all that in the first place is that everything…tasted…like mashed…potatoes.

This. Completely this.

roasting me is ineffective because you can’t tell me worse things than i already think of my self already

why do big dogs go boof.. 

they gotta push that bark thru their whole body and it just comes out like. a boof. yknow?

i see, the bigger the dog body the boofier the bark. are big dogs hollow?

yes. big dogs need all the space for warmth whereas little dogs have packed with righteous anger and unbridled rage

this is why you should always take your girl swimming on the first date

@partlysmith

A single sperm has 37.5MB of DNA information in it. That means that a normal ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1,587.5TB.

Now that’s a lot of information to swallow

how do I delete other people’s posts

So I live in a low income housing area of the town I attend college in. I was initially drawn to the apartment I’m currently living in because it was extremely cheap and on the second floor (this is a house converted into two living units). I immediately signed the lease and everything was dandy for the first few weeks. However, I had taken notice of the neighborhood riff raff and was wary to keep my distance. I wasn’t exactly scared of a bunch of young teens, but after observing their absolutely appalling nature, I tried to give them no excuse to fuck with me through vandalizing my car or apartment.

Well, not so long ago, I was sitting on my second story porch, enjoying a cigarette after a long tedious shift, when the teens decided to fuck with me. At first, i didn’t realize they were speaking to me, until one of them called out “hey you indian fag!” Now even though I’m not indian, people often assume I am because of my skin tone, so I’m aware they’re attempting to heckle me. I look up and merely raise my eyebrows in acknowledgment, when one of them kicks over my (full) garbage cans and tells me to get on my knees and pick up my trash you (insert random racist slurs here). They laugh and leave. Knowing that I’ll be fined by the city if I don’t clean up the mess, I begrudgingly clean up the mess. It was while I was kneeling among the strewn garbage that my revenge came to fruition.

A few nights later, I was sitting on my porch again waiting for my targets to arrive. Sure enough, the pack of them comes strutting down the road talking shit and fucking things up. When they get to my house, I shout at them to keep it down and that they’re being obnoxious. Just as I had planned, they took my bait, and the one who had kicked over my trash cans a few days earlier told me that I was a fag and aimed a full forced kick at my trash cans. Little did he know that I had filled them to the bursting point with packed down rocks and dirt, making them extremely heavy and almost unmovable. I savored the moments leading up to contact and burst out laughing when the garbage can failed to move and the kid howled out in pain when his foot connected. Judging from the time he spent on the ground clutching his foot and the fact that he limped away on the verge of tears, I’m assuming he broke a toe or two. I slept like a fucking king that night.

do you ever think about how little Michelangelo cared

All right, everyone, grab a chair and sit back because I’m going to share with you what I learned about Michelangelo and the Sistine Chapel in my Art History Class.

The man NEVER wanted to paint the damn thing. But the pope at the time “forced him to” According to my teacher. Michelangelo hated this man, I MEAN REALLY HATED HIM. So did a majority of people. The pope’s nickname translated literally means “Terrible pope”.

And the working conditions were awful. He had to work on his back with all that paint, which is filled with some toxic shit that gave Michelangelo a limp for the rest of his life. (Also, our teacher made us get on our backs and try drawing with both hands JUST to prove how bad and uncomfortable it is.)

At the time, the ceiling was so high, you could barely see it. You need binoculars to get a good look at what’s up there, by the time people could see the paintings, there was a lot of weird symbolism that Michelangelo hid up there.

This one? The creation of the sun and moon? God is mooning you. And the pope and all others after him prayed under that without knowing.

This one? At the time, dissecting was sacrilegious and everyone found out how behind God was what looked like half a brain. blah blah, science, science, that pissed everyone off.

And also, ALLLLLLL the men and women in the Sistine Chapel are all on fucking steroids. My teacher described the women’s bodies as “Men bodies with boobs slapped on.”

And then there is this:

Now this is the back wall. Michelangelo actually wanted to paint this one after he finished the ceiling. (and there was a different pope too, I believe.) However, originally, EVERYONE in that painting was naked. And they didn’t like it. Adam and Eve naked? That’s cool. But Jesus? Now you crossed the line. So the pope at the time hired someone else to censor it and give the important figures clothes. He worked on it for 6 or 9 months before he died.

And then the symbolism in this one is great. Somewhere in the right, there are homosexuals in heaven. (No matter what, the Vatican will say “Those straight men are happy” I’ll get to that in a second), Michelangelo painted himself near Jesus, and the terrible pope is in hell with a snake biting his balls.

And if you were to point ANY of this out to the Vatican, they will deny all of it and claim Michelangelo was a catholic hero. In fact, when they discovered the symbolism around the 60s or 70s, the guy who told the Vatican was kicked out of the Vatican for life.

TL;DR: Michelangelo hated the pope and made the best “fuck you” of all time.

YO. ALL OF THIS^. Michelangelo was hella grumpy all of the time. It was fantastic.

However, as beautiful as this commentary is, I’m gonna make a little correction. The Pope isn’t the one in hell getting his balls bitten; that guy is actually the Papal Minister of Ceremonies a the time, Biagio de Cesena. 

See, when Michelangelo was painting this, as you said, lots of people were uncomfortable with all of the nudity (especially because the Last Judgement [back wall mural] was painted much later when nudity in religious art was even more controversial than before), but the dude who was the angriest was de Cesena. 

He was so angry that he reportedly burst in on Michelangelo while he was working (which is already a big no-no because Michelangelo’s requirements for working were mostly “fuck the hell off and leave me alone or else I quit and I will stab you in the eye with my paintbrush/chisel”.). He then proceeds to tell Michelangelo that this fresco is disgusting and obscene and shame on him etc etc. He also referred to it as “i stui di nudi”, which means “A stew of nudes” which is one of the best descriptions of a thing ever, if you ask me. 

So Michelangelo, probably on the cusp of homicide is like “Thank you for the notes. Now get the fuck out,” and de Cesena reluctantly does. 

Later, he comes to see the finished product and finds that Michelangelo had painted his portrait down in Hell to represent the Minos, King of the Dead. He has the ears of an ass and the above described crotch biting snake:

Upon seeing this and being enraged, de Cesena went to the Pope to demand that it be changed and that Michelangelo be punished. However, the Pope was SO incredibly done dealing with Michelangelo’s snark, tantrums, and general hatred of the world and everyone in it, that he didn’t want to do shit. 

The Pope’s response to him was literally to say “As Pope, I have a lot of influence on Earth and up in Heaven, but I have no jurisdiction in Hell. You’re shit out of luck.” 

And it stayed.

Michelangelo, grade A artist, snark master, and professional dick.

don’t get it twisted like i respect bugs for being the best they can be in spite of their specific assigned flesh prisons and their ecological significance but they need to stay the fuck away from me 

Today’s date is 2²/3²/4².

YOU CAN ONLY REBLOG THIS TODAY

i literally procrastinate talking to my friends like it hits me “oh shit i havent talked to that friend in a while” and im like “yeah ill have to do that later” and then i dont

then i feel really guilty about it and [AVOIDANCE INTENSIFIES]

Then it’s like a month later, and I’m just sitting there like, if I never speak to them maybe they’ll just forget I ever existed.

Periodic reminder when this kind of post comes up that being my friend means never having to say “sorry i dropped off the face of the earth for a few weeks/months/years” there. I get it. I promise. I vanish sometimes too and then get all avoidant about it. I’ll understand if you need to do the same, and I’ll be here when you come back. Team Weird Avoidant People Who Are Sort of Terrible At Friendship But Trying Really Hard needs to stick together.

This.

SIGN ME THE FUCK UP FOR

death

Here’s a vine of Bernie Sanders running to the side of the man who fainted at his presser

You know Trump wouldn’t do this, he’d just laugh and carry on with his speech

honestly he is such a good person

we all gotta vote for this man y’all 

if you are serious about the election of Bernie it’s really important that you donate !! it’s really up to us !