my love language

The Addams Family (1991) dir. Barry Sonnenfeld

i said what i said

Toothpaste. It's just frozen toothpaste.

They hate to see an unusual girl winning

My five month old daughter just bit down on her own fingers and hurt herself, then as soon as I got her calmed down from that, she did the exact same thing with her other hand. Like, good on her for checking to make sure it wasn't just the ONE hand, I guess?

We finally got her redirected to her teething toys, but damn.

“i could fix him” could you fix me instead? i’m suffering

tumblr poetry be like,

gmail marked 

you 

as unimportant in my inbox 

why 

can’t 

i

things are going to be difficult. But you

are going to be difficulter

thats the spirit!!!!! be a problem to your problems!!!!!!!!! mark your territory! !!!!!!!

Black cats are lucky. (via leahweissmuller)

MAN [IN THICK ACCENT]: Black cat bring good luck.  Not bad luck.  I have black cat - See, him face - And I am not dead today: Good luck!

“See him face”

I sure fucking do see him face

Him face

Respectfully, Ireland is the best country on the planet

just laughed hysterically at the gripping foods with force twitter account

_-#(#)@/($_+$()@)@)#)

It’s so good

Hairdresser: We’re going to have to use a color remover to take out the blue pigment, then apply more pigment to allow for the proteins in the hair to adhere to it. Then possibly mix three different types of toners to reach the goal of your natural hair color.

Hairdresser: pretty simple

Me: this is chemistry

Hairdresser: yeah, but people don’t like when we talk that way

Hairdresser: so you’re a mortician?

Me: apprentice

Hairdresser: do you know why formaldehyde is used in clothing?

Me: I didn’t know that was a thing

Hairdresser: I think it’s due to the preserving qualities? But I don’t think that’s right.

Me: It’s not just a preservative, it’s also a disinfectant ‘cause it destroys bacteria as well as their food supply. It’s also a dehydrator. 

Hairdresser: why not just use alcohol?

Me: good question. Formaldehyde is super cheap, so probably to cut costs

Hairdresser: is it really a carcinogen? 

Me: yeah, I’m going to have so much cancer

Hairdresser: so you’re going natural to work at a funeral home?

Me: yeah

Hairdresser: while still in school?

Me: well we work in the funeral homes so we have uuuuh … experience with cases

Hairdresser: you can just say bodies it’s fine 

Me: oh thank god

Five Minutes Later

Me: yeah so we don’t do autopsies it’s one of my pet peeves

Hairdresser: what if someone wakes up while you’re embalming them?

Me: there’s a huge difference between a living body and a dead one

second hairdresser: I think we should add more toner, but yeah I think rigor mortis would make it pretty obvious

Me: that and being in a fridge for a few days you will be dead by the time you get to us

Hairdresser: I think pumping them full of a carcinogen would help with that

your hair is going to look incredible

When your mom makes food and she’s like “who’s hungry!”

no thank you, owen