Life after the argument had started passing like a blur to Bucky. For a few days, all he could think of was the look in his best friend’s eyes as he called him unhelpable. He couldn’t close his eyes without seeing it. He couldn’t sit and think without hearing Steve’s voice saying those words. And yes, he thought about what he had said as well. He felt guilty, to be sure, but he wanted to express to Steve that he didn’t want the blood to become a drug to him. He loved the taste and he knew if he drank too much that was what it would become. That Steve would become just a cup to him. Why couldn’t he properly express those feelings? What had he said wrong to turn Steve against him like that?
And his own words had been ringing in his mind when he turned the gun over a few times in his hands that cold, awful night. ‘No one can help me,’ he had said, in return to Steve’s proposition of such. And he had thought for the first time since he finally became himself after is escape from Hydra that maybe that really was true. If that was true, of course, then he would only get worse. If he got worse, then everyone near him was in true danger. The licked his lips and pointed the gun at the tree in front of him. Almost pulled the trigger, but didn’t want to draw the park cops close to him. It was shady enough that he was there in the deep darkness of the night. No one could help him. It was time he accepted that he was no longer human, and that humans were not going to help him and not going to trust him… in return, he would give them the same treatment. They wouldn’t be helped. They wouldn’t be trusted. They were food.
He left the gun where he had been sitting that night. Nothing would be solved with that one bullet.
People began disappearing after that, never to be seen again. Bucky started doing his best to leave his old feelings of ‘protecting the humans’ behind him. He felt hurt and betrayed, but those feelings shouldn’t mean anything to a vampire to him. He had lost a friend, but vampires did not need nor deserve any. He let Steve disappear into his past. Gone like his human life. He stayed in the city but not because of that old friend… more because there was no purpose in leaving. What for? To save himself from meeting the Captain again? If he came across that man, they’d fight. One of them would lose. He didn’t prepare for it… just accepted it as an inevitability and went about his business of sleeping, hunting, feeding…
So when he did see Steve in his jacket, walking the streets at night when he could easily be on his bike, Bucky let his soon-to-be victim go. The man scrambled with a whine to run away from his attacker. Off to find the police, but Bucky didn’t care. He’d be gone before they got to him. The vampire stood, staring with tired, glowing red eyes, at Steve from across the street. He waited for the human to realise he was there.
This was the night. Steve would be coming to stop him.