Is your life just one more lie?

funniest thing about the thing (1982) is that the titular thing is both a master manipulator who can perfectly replicate anyone but also a big bundle of nerves who flips out and starts screaming and turning into 5000 meat parts at once the INSTANT it’s found out

like at one point the thing replicates a guy who has a heart condition, promptly has a heart attack, and then gets so freaked out by the defibrillator it starts biting people

the thing is a master actor who is absolutely awful at improv and the show keeps going wrong

When I find myself in times of trouble, Vash the Stampede comes to me

Speaking words of wisdom,

don’t look

watched trigun this weekend!

al-haitham getting an oscar for his performance

he made himself look so pathetic, my man’s a thespian, actor of the century

im loving this article written by som mycologists who accidentally got high as fuck on fly agaric

here’s the article

this is absolute gold please click that link

i love scientists

Van Helsing, Bram Flakes Stoker, the audience: This vampire is a terrible and persistent predator! He strikes whenever he can, the moment we let down our guard! What a dastardly and enigmatic fiend to make a victim of this poor girl without end..!

Dracula, who thinks he’s stumbled upon the Greatest Blood Donor in the World (a girl who comes in multiple blood flavors, seasoned with various liquors and hard Victorian drugs) doing a happy little bat dance outside the window as he wonders what tonight’s mystery meal will be: 🦇🩸🖤!!!

.....you know I would like to thank @voyoock for this reply because tbh I kind of wanted to break one of these open and taste it myself.

Just think, these stones contain the water from ancient seas from millenia ago, and a well educated scholar STILL couldn't resist their pull. Not one of us is immune to the siren call of ancient tide pods.

arthur, despairing because his fiancée is on death's door: my life is hers, and i would give the last drop of blood in my body for her

van helsing, about to carry out an immensely dangerous blood transfusion that will only save lucy's life through god and the sheer lucky circumstances of the people involved having the correct blood types because it's the nineteenth century and he doesn't know they exist, physically incapable of letting the opportunity for a joke pass by: well it doesn't have to be that much lol

We all know we could just keep reading the book instead of waiting for the updates on Dracula Daily but we've agreed as a community to wait and comment each episode together as if it wasn't a 1800 novel

the Sinner’s Prayer of may I not be found dead on the toilet, and if I am found dead on the toilet may I not be holding my phone, and if I am found dead on the toilet holding my phone may I at least have been reading something edifying and not composing a half-finished post as a ghastly conclusion to a life wasted.

where were you when you wrote this post?  just curious

I was in the library reading Seneca in the original Latin.

Absolutely losing it at this Reddit post

And the update

She buttered Jorts

The outrage summed in a perfect Tweet:

FINALLY

I’ve been collecting the best Jorts tweets and waiting until the moment he showed up on my dash to post them. So here you are, the curated best of the past, oh, day or so:

Some additional quality memes from the past 24 hours:

Meanwhile, OP has continued tracking trash can mishaps on twitter:

And a quality photo of this sweet potato:

An update for those not following Jorts’ twitter account, starting with a transcription of the Wellerman cover:

Link to the lovely video

Additional quality memes:

A recipe for Buttered Jorts:

Recent Jorts activities:

And some very wise words from the cat himself:

This is the largest Jorts post I found before I decided to stop, and combines a lot of memes in one convenient package.

Along with cats, of course. Smartly done!

The person running the Jorts Twitter is using it to promote unions, which is awesome.

FNALLY! All the premium Jorts content in one place!

More Jorts than you can shake a stick at.

I’m 35 now. Also here’s the original doodle

i feel like i just walked past jesus in a hot topic

I’m paying to force seven thousand strangers to see a photo of my late husband having fun with his dog. Tumblr Blaze is totally worth it. XD

Thank-you to all of my new Internet stranger friends for being so gracious about having my post shoved onto your dashboards. I loved reading all of your kind tags and comments! Both Martin and Bosco have been gone for several years now but for 24 hours, they felt very present in my life. I greatly appreciate this gift. ❤️

Reblog to have your dashboard be visited by the spirit of joy that death can end but not erase.