Kick the Can Revolution

10 m before I had to present to the head of Europe, my mammogram came back and they found a mass in my left breast and some calcification. I go back tomorrow for an ultrasound.

I held it together as I am currently holding it together because I have the same call at 6pm, just with Asia.

And I don’t care about any of it.

.

Peach is the best. He loves my sister so much. She was sick today and he crawled right up on her chest and purred until she fell asleep. I miss him. I’m so glad he’s so happy and that I still get to know him.

Walking to my room this afternoon, I realized I couldn’t remember what I’d done all day which is when I realized I’d gotten up at 7am to drive to Cupertino and then back two hours later to check my “I was in the office” box. This work is some of the hardest I’ve ever done - either that, or my brain was in a deep freeze and I’m experiencing the quick thaw that comes from a quick dunk in boiling water. I’m about halfway up the wave before it crests, just about a week and a half more and then I’ll be up on top, beginning to slide down. I can do it. The really big complex set of plans are done and now just have to be reviewed by all of the executives. After that, I have to design all of it and get it translated into a lot of different languages which is going to be intense but I have people to help me with all of that.

I’m thankful I get to have this intensive and experience, before I leave next year, I’m someone who is at my best when I’m this busy trying to solve things that are complicated.

There’s so much to say about the world, about politics, but my brain just freezes up. I’m burnt out and tired by all of it, there seems to be absolutely no good choice anywhere. Gavin Newsom has done some good things for California, and when I look at him, I see a glittery, progressive vampire who is manipulating his way into something bigger. I just don’t trust any of them, not even Bernie, which hurts a little. Most of all, I’m devastated at what these corrupt people have done to all of us, how much they’ve caused us to hate the other how many enemies we have now that we didn’t used to have, and how the collective body of us has allowed that to happen. I do believe there’s a deeper waking up, a deeper consciousness emerging from unconsciousness that sometimes can only happen when rage and war and hatred are the catalyst. Despite that, every single corner of social media feels performative, even me journaling about it, so I’m stopping.

I talked to my brother for a long time today the first time in months, I have really missed him. Things are really good, my niece is having her third baby and we’re all excited. He found himself in our old neighborhood and stopped by our old house – somehow he got invited in and apparently it’s so different. They talked for a really long time, they’re an older couple with a daughter who’s had some real mental health struggles, and tried to commit suicide. I guess she walked into the house, saw the chapel with the Holy Spirit dove on the door and said “dad, this is our house.” That made me tear up to hear I’m going to drive by when I’m there in a couple of weeks and I hope I get to go inside.