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Legally Borderline

@wiltedwroses / wiltedwroses.tumblr.com

Where my mind wanders, searching, planning on how, when, will i end my life. Maybe i'm too scared. I don't deserve to live and heaven wasn't for me from the start. Diagnosed with MDD (12/7) Dysthymia (19/7) Borderline Personality Disorder (2/8) Bulimia Nervosa (23/12) stay safe & stay alive.
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nvhz

i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh i need to sh

and i need it now

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worthless-misery
Dear diary...
And whenever things seem to be finally looking up in some way, it won't take long for me to feel bad again.
I'm never able to remain calm for any long at all.
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anezkadragon

bpd also means:

chronic feelings of emptiness

  • basically having no hobbies
  • not being able to find a passion
  • not experiencing happiness trough hobbies or people
  • but really wanting to do something fun and fulfilling
  • being tired, having depression
  • rushing into new hobbies and needing equipment immediately, spending a lot of money
  • but loosing interest quickly and easily
  • not pursuing hobbies due to no instant success
  • not being able to act on a hobby cause you’re highly agitated
  • feeling numb all day, even around loved ones and doing something actually fun
  • not really experiencing a situation, feeling like you are not actually there
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whatever-is-on-my-fucked-up-mind

Why can’t I just get skinny?

Why am I such a fucking failure?

I KNOW I’m not meant to look like this. There are some people who look so good with curves and extra weight. But I’m not one of them. My body isn’t designed to be that. It’s shaped too weird to look pretty with fat on it. I just look like a fat fucking blob with no hips, no thighs, no tits. I’m supposed to be skinny.

So why can’t I just fucking be skinny?

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ED Playlist:
Oh Ana - Mother Mother
Monsters (feat. Killstation) - Hollywood Undead
Asleep - The Smiths
Becomes The Color - Emily Wells
Blanket - Oh, Be Clever
Body - Mother Mother
Broken - Lund
Control - Amarante
Dark of My Imagination - of Verona
Daydreaming - Radiohead
Deep End Freestyle - Sleepy Hallow & Fousheé
Depraved - Mammals
Dreams - Fleetwood Mac
A Drowning - How to Destroy Angels
Elephant Woman - Blonde Redhead
Endgame - Ride
Especially Me - Low
Fade Away - Trevor Something
Father - Odina
How - The Neighborhood
Lies - Marina and the Diamonds
Play Dead - Björk
Please Eat - Nicole Dollanganger
Saving Us a Riot - Phoria
Sign of the Times - Harry Styles
Torso - Grouplove
We Were Never Young - Raised by Swans
White Blood - Oh Wonder
No Mercy Unplugged - Kit
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It sucks because I try. So. Hard and. I’m never the one. I’m always the disposable one. The weird one. The forgotten one.

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heymarmx0
Sometimes things are too loud
Sometimes things are too quiet
What about, when the quiet is so quite it makes everything too loud
Or even more troubling when the loud makes you hear the quiet. And you remember you’re just alone.
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wishing-for-deathx
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90377
“My life is made up of ‘I’m sorry’. I feel like I have to apologize to people, to things, to life itself. It’s like, ‘I’m sorry to be here’. I don’t want to disturb anyone.”

— Yohji Yamamoto 

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amargedom
“Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to turn a problem into an opportunity for success. Always be on the lookout for ways to nurture your dream.”

—

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funeralfanatsies

It’s week 4 of being on medication.

I thought I was feeling better but it came back. Everything came back. It always does; it always will.

I still want to die.

● lesxgod17 ●

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