My boyfriend of nearly two years broke up with me two days ago because of comittment. It’s been one of the hardest and most painful things I’ve ever gone through. Not only do you lose what you thought was your soulmate, but you lose your best friend and your other half. I’m constantly reminded of him everyday and as hopeful as I am that each day will get better, they seem to be getting worse. Although we ended things on fairly good terms and he still wants to try to remain friends in the future, healing takes time and I’m trying to do what’s best for me.
Our love and time spent together is too valuable to throw away for good, but I’m worried that holding on won’t make the healing process any better. We both still care about eachother tremendously and we want to see us both be happy, but I need my space before I can even think about being friends with him.
I know I shouldn’t, but I put a lot of blame on myself for why things didn’t work out. He was extremely busy and had a lot going on in his life, but I always think - maybe if I would’ve been more understanding and given him more space, things would be different. But deep down, I know that my feelings weren’t invalid and I didn’t deserve to be with someone who didn’t value our relationship as much as I did. We are both nineteen and have our entire lives ahead of us, but as much as the future scared me, I always thought he would be apart of mine.
I grew with this person for 2 years, and as hard as it’s going to be to move on, I know I need to grow as my own person. Being alone is so hard right now so I’m just trying my best to keep myself busy, talk to my friends, spend time with my family. I have a lot of support which I’m incredibly thankful for, and I know everything happens for a reason. I keep reminding myself that everyone experiences heartbreak sometime in their life. If the hurt comes, so will the healing. Learning to love and let go is one of the hardest lessons, but I know it will make me stronger.
