Me, year 2074: haha wow so you were born in 2006? you must be like 5 years old lol

life is like a giant mushroom 

Explain

I can hear my kid playing supermarket by herself and she’s telling all the customers that they are disgusting and they need to leave

And she's right

The Area 51 raid was like, the absolute opposite of Dashcon. Like this was an event that was comically not supposed to work, but you crazy sons of bitches actually managed to show up and just throw an alien-themed party while armed gaurds stood angrily on the sidelines. It was JUST as stupid as the memes said it would be and nobody thought anything would happen

Well done

bro stop chanting in dead languages you’re scaring the hoes

im summoning the hoes fool

The inherent embarrassment in desiring anything

when u see my husband on queer eye in ten years know that he actually dresses nice and can cook and go to the theatre and that he is only pretending to be schlubby bc our kink is conning five nice gay men with netflix money into redoing our living room and that this is all a very elaborate sexy roleplay for us

Highly successful honeybee

thank you people who are nice to

me and not mean

i like that

jiggle your phone right now

*bartender slides my drink to me from across the bar and i fucking fling it back twice as hard*

the internet has collectively made a meme out of every frame of Spongebob but they still have yet to hone in on the image that conveys the feeling of being in your 20s

the addams family wasn’t particularly magic or supernatural or anything, their goth game was just hard af

They lived with a sentient disembodied hand

that’s just how goths are sometimes

this is a transgender zone you either support trans rights or you die dude

Fact: A lot of people are confused about what bisexuality is or what it means to be bi. To clarify: “bi” is short for the word “bike” which in itself is actually short for “bichael”. We hope this clears things up.