all of us right now

I hate smelling cooked shrimp cause my ex bf’s dick smelled JUST like it and after i had been went down on him for months one day he tells me he’s never pulled back his foreskin before in his life. He had never cleaned under there ever. That nasty motherfucker must of had pounds of cottage cheese crusty ass smegma under there and i was putting that shit in my mouf. never complain about anything again because IM the one thats had it the worst.

So who else had a good weekend? Any new songs you’re listening to or any new movies?

these are their stories

person with naturally good skin:in the morning i wash with peepee. at night i use poopoo and glossier milky jelly. simple is best :)

I will never forget this post until the day I die

this is so funny to me oh my god

bella: im so excited to see the baby i literally broke my spine and died for!

it:

lmaooooo,,, leave resume alone 😩

RESUME

we all need to fuck

you tell me this the day after i trade my penis in at gamestop

You’ve heard of Luigi’s Mansion, now get ready for...

Waluigi’s Apartment

It’s not haunted or anything Waluigi just attacks all the other tenants with a vacuum cleaner

*opens pill botttle*

*opens water bottle*

*pours some water out into my hand*

“Wait. No, that’s…no.”